You Come First

Many years ago, when my son was an infant, I had a conversation with my grandmother-in-law, Nana. I was talking about my morning routine and feeding the baby. She told me about one of her friends and how she handled bringing up her children. The friends philosophy was that she always comes first. While in a lot of instances in life, it is important that you come first, I do not think that this should be the case with an infant. It seems that this woman would get up in the morning and totally take care of herself, before taking care of her child. She would get washed and dressed and have a full breakfast. Then she would attend to her baby. If the baby was crying, she would let him cry, until all of her needs were met. She felt that she needed to have all of her strength and have everything done, so that her baby could have her full attention. She just let the baby cry, until she was ready. I wonder if that made any difference in the baby's personality when he grew up. I will never know, but I have a feeling it did.

The City Lights

Last night, I went into Manhattan, to visit my newborn great niece. I have not driven into NYC in years. I usually take the train, but this time, it would not have been convenient. We packed our gifts into the car and off we went. Speeding along for about 4 miles. Then dead stop. The dreaded Long Island Expressway traffic. We sat and sat and sat. Literally, parked on the road. While we were sitting, a few fire trucks whizzed by, on the shoulder, so we knew that there was an accident ahead. Finally, we started to move. We were more impatient than usual because we were all so excited to see the baby. Once we crossed the bridge, we were immersed in a sea of lights. Half of them were from the cars ahead but the rest were from the buildings. I find it amazing, how these skyscrapers are built so architecturally beautiful, in such a limited space. We parked the car and walked around the block to head towards the building where my niece lives. The city was so alive, we actually stopped to take a picture. Just like tourists. The building we were going to, had a courtyard and a garden and an outdoor sitting area, so even though it was directly in the middle of Manhattan, it still felt like a bit of the suburbs. We are only 35 miles away from the city but life there is so different.

On Point

We live in a "points" world. Every purchase we make involves points. Airline points, hotel points, gas points and even cash back points. If we buy items, we want to make sure we are getting something back in return. The other day, I actually "bought points". I was making a hotel reservation and asked how many Marriott points I had. I had accrued 10,000 points. The hotel that I wanted to make reservations in has a value of 15,000 points, in order to get a one night stay for free. If I paid for the room, it would have been $139. If I used AAA discount, it would have been $115. The representative then offered to "sell me points". I had never done this before. She said that 1000 points cost $12.50. I could buy the remaining 5000 points that I needed for a free stay, for $62.50. I bought them. Now the room will only cost me $62.50 for the one night stay. I bought something intangible. I will never see it or touch it but it saved me $76.50.

A DIY Country

According to a story in the news, America is becoming a DIY country. Do It Yourself. England had always been at the top of the statistics for this, but due to the economy American is gaining ground. I see this DIY mentality in every phase of life. We build our own websites. We print our own pictures. We craft items that used to be store bought. Americans are now using imagination and muscle to do what we used to hire someone for. Since You Tube has arrived on the internet, people are being tutored for free on anything from building a room to installing brakes on a car. Just watch a few videos and you are good to go. Any project is made simple if an expert baby steps you through it. For most of us, the luxury of sitting back and having things done for us, is a thing of the past.

One Mans' Garbage

Last week I bought a new barbeque grill. The old one was not igniting with the switch. It started if you lit it with a match. The grill was 20 years old, so it was time. I called for the sanitation department to come and pick it up, as the regular garbage truck would not take such a large item. I put out the grill a few days before the pick up date, hoping that someone who wanted it would take it first. Within 3 hours, a man pulled up in a beat up truck and carted it away. I do not know if he was planning to use it or get money for scrap metal. Either case was fine. I did not want it. He did. I then remembered what a co worker had told me years ago. She had 2 fairly new bicycles that her daughters had grown too big for. She purchased new bikes for the girls and was going to throw away the old ones that were really in almost new condition. She said that before she put them out in the garbage, she was going to remove the tires and break the frames. I asked her why in the world she would do that. She said that she did not want anyone to have them, since she paid for them. I asked her why she wouldn't just leave them in tact so that maybe a family that could not afford new bikes, could bring them home for their children. She said "who cares about anyone else". What a shame.

Till There Was You

I spent a good part of the day yesterday, staring at a picture on my cell phone. The picture was of my new great niece, Simone. I was fascinated that so much perfection could fit into a 5 pound body. The moment she was born, she changed the lives of her family. I remembered the song "Till There Was You" and thought that it is so appropriate for all new parents. Once you have a child, you are no longer who you used to be. You are who you will now be. I thought back to when my sons were newborns and realized:

• I thought I knew what love was, but I didn't ... till there was you
• I thought I knew what happiness was, but I didn't ...till there was you
• I thought I knew what sacrifice was, but I didn't...till there was you
• I thought I knew what responsibility was, but I didn't...till there was you
• I thought I knew the meaning of life, but I didn't...till there was you

In one minute, a baby changes our lives, forever. That's the way it should be.

366

I did it! Last April 24, 2011, I started Shelby's Perfect World. It was a test of my fortitude and commitment. I promised myself that I would write this blog, every day, for one year. Never miss a day, no matter what. This year had 366 days, my luck. I wrote when I was on vacation. I wrote on my sons' wedding day. I wrote it when my father had a heart attack. Every morning at 6am, I turned on my computer and wrote. I tried to write about a different topic each day. Three hundred and sixty six stories. My life. My thoughts. The goal was to write for one year and then turn it into a book for my children to have as a memento. The blog has been read almost 14,000 times. People from all over the world have read it. Some from countries so remote that I actually had to Google them to find out what corner of the Earth they live in. I have had some consistent views from certain countries. Russia reads the blog daily and each morning I look to see if they have checked in. I feel like the Russian readers are my friends and feel happy seeing that they have spent a few minutes with me each day. I only planned to write for one year and stop. I did not think anyone would read it. But just like exercise, my blog has become a routine that is good for my health. I will continue writing and hope I never run out of things to say.

A Special Delivery

This morning a special delivery came to my family. Her name is Simone Violet. She is as elegant and ladylike as her name. It is a Hebrew name that means "to hear and listen". Two qualities that are essential in life. It was an easy birth. She entered the world to screams of joy. A standing ovation. She will go to a home to a beautiful room, filled with happiness. Her parents will provide everything she needs in life, but most of all love. She is too tiny to know that she has been blessed with two wonderful parents. Beautiful on the outside but more important, beautiful on the inside. In one moment, a five pound baby girl has changed the dynamics of a family. We are so thankful for her.

The Sounding Board

At one time in our lives, we have all needed one. A Sounding Board. That one person in our lives that we can call and vent our thoughts to. Most of the time those thoughts will be totally irrational. Otherwise we would not need a Sounding Board. They will let us yell and say things that do not make sense, because they know that it is making us feel better. The qualifications for a good Sounding Board is someone who will listen and not comment on the nonsense they are being told. They know that the next day all of the information you are telling them will be irrelevant so they cannot judge you on it. They need the ability to just say "mmm" and "uh huh" and if your ranting is really emotional, they are bound to agree with you. That is part of the job. The next day when you are feeling better, they have to disregard everything that they heard.

Coming Home

It is amazing how fast time flies by. It seems like yesterday that my parents were going down to Florida to spend the Winter months. Maybe time flew by, because in NY, we never really had Winter. We had an elongated Autumn and a premature Spring. Winter got lost in the shuffle. It still impresses me that at 88 years old, my father can drive the 300 miles to the auto train and then the 300 miles home, from the auto train. The toughest part for them is the unpacking. Like two carpenter ants, they will make the route back and forth from the car until every item is in the house. This year they have a great incentive to come home. Their first Great Grandchild will be born this week. What a wonderful milestone to come home for. As much as I love for them to be away in the Florida sunshine, I am glad they are safe and sound in Brooklyn.

Bring In The Clowns

Clowns. You either love them or hate them. I am in the latter group. They scare me. I find something eerie about the make up. Almost macabre. People dressed up in painted faces with outlandish clothes and hair. Whenever I went to a circus, their segment was my least favorite part. I never understood why people find them so funny. My parents live next door to clowns. All throughout their apartment, are clowns. Clown statues, clown pictures, clown brick-a-brac. All things clown. Then there is the room that has pictures of them dressed as clowns. Each year when I visit my parents, the trip starts off with the neighbors welcoming me in their clown suits. This is usually accompanied by a few songs played on the harmonica. I have to stand there and pretend that I love it. I smile and applaud. I am then safe until it is time to go back home. Out come the new costumes and wigs and the parting harmonica songs. One year, when it was my sons' birthday we had an extra show with a hat with birthday candles. I have a picture of that one. They are such nice people and they are doing this with the best of intentions. They are 90 years old and I can never let them know about my aversion to clowns.

Happiness

I was working with a client yesterday and I asked what his goal was. He answered "to be content  in life". I asked him why he used the word content instead of happy. He replied that he did not think that happiness was an option. I thought that was a bit sad. He is young, has a good job, a wife and a healthy child. Why was happiness not an option? I guess that is why he needs a life coach. We began to delve deeper into the meaning of happiness. Happiness is a mindset. Anyone can have it. You have to participate actively in your life to get it. It needs to come from within. Not from things. While a new car is nice, it isn't the vehicle for happiness. Unhappy people tend to see things as either black or white. Good or bad. No grey area. Happiness needs grey. Grey allows you to see the different shades of life and sift through them until you find the one that suits you best. Happy people focus on others. That is where the saying "it is better to give than receive" comes from. Sometimes this skill needs to be learned. For some people it is not easy. but it will be worth it.

The Keys To Success

I do not always have a great memory. I remember the very important things but sometimes the small things slip my mind. Things like picking up cleaning. Or cutting out a coupon that I need. I have found one sure way to remember. I call this the "key to my success". If I need to remember something, I write it down on a piece of paper and rubber band it around my keys. When I leave home, or leave work, the reminder is there. The technical name for doing this is Structure. A structure is what you do, that works best for you, in order to remind yourself to do a task. We all know the "tie a string around your finger" trick. It has gotten to the point where people will now tell me to leave a note on my keys, when they need me to remember to do something. Since I have been doing this, I have never forgotten anything.

Blue Skies

A few years ago, I was visiting Key West. I took a tour of the island and one thing stood out. Every house had it's soffits painted light blue. A soffit is the underside of a porch overhang. I had never seen this before and wondered why everyone's porch had this. I asked a few people who were walking near me, also out of towners, and they had no idea why. Then, I asked a native of the Keys. I seems that there used to be a problem with bees and wasps making their nests in the soffits. Someone realized that if you paint the soffit sky blue, it tricks the insects into thinking that it is the sky and they are intelligent enough to know you can't make a nest in the sky. It is interesting that this is not done in more towns.Maybe we are just too stylish to have blue porches.

If You Really Want It

There is nothing you can't do, if you really want it. Over the past year, I have seen the vision that my son had for his house, come to life. It has taken a lot of hard, grueling work. But he really wanted it. He has his idea of what his dream home should look like and is doing it step by step. He is also doing it himself. On some things, he has had wonderful people pitch in. On other things, he has gone it alone. Yesterday, he did it alone. He started to rebuild a sun room and realized in order to do it right, most of it had to come down. He systematically figured out the best way to attack the project and then jumped right in. By the end of this week,he will have constructed a new room. He will be able to look at it and feel proud that he did it himself. He did it because he really wanted it.

Odd Man Out

I never continue a blog for 2 days, so this will be a first. Yesterday I went to the Baby Shower. I came one hour late, only to find that everyone else came 2 1/2 hours late. Out of the almost 100 people there, only 2 were American. I was one of the two. The rest were Jamaican. After socializing for a bit, the buffet opened. Behind each tray was one of the mother to be's friends or relatives. They were helping to serve the food. I got on line, got my plate and cutlery and moved along down the line. First was the rice. The woman spooned a portion out onto my plate. Next was the chicken. Another woman placed a piece on my plate. The third food station is where the problem began. This woman looked at me and turned away to look at the next person in line. I kept looking at her until she looked back. I said "I will have some of that" as I pointed to the dish. She replied "That is Ox Tail". I said "I know". She replied" It is Ox Tail". I replied "I know". Then she gave me a speck of meat. I guess she thought I did not know what ox tail was, so she did not want to waste it. I said "I will have a bit more, please". She gave me more and looked at me as if I was strange. As I walked away, I realized that I was "Food Profiled". I guess she thought that blond haired, blue eyed people don't eat ox!

Whose Baby

Today I am going to a Baby Shower. I love parties of any kind. Here is the only problem. I have no idea who these people are. I do not know the mother to be. Nor do I know the father to be. I was invited by the father, who ever he is. The invitation was given to my husband from a man he somehow knows from work. In 32 years, I have never heard of this man. Years ago, a baby shower was women only. It was an intimate group of friends, wishing the new mom well. Today, they are extravaganzas. A cross between a sweet sixteen and a wedding. The last one I attended, also through my husbands workplace, had a DJ. The music was so loud that I expected the baby to be born that night, from the vibrations of the music. This party is called for 3pm. I will not leave my house until 3:30pm. The last few parties that I attended with this group of people, were not on time. I arrived at the time stated on the invitation. No one else showed up for at least 1 1/2 hours later. I mean no one. Not the guest of honor or any guests. I have learned my lesson, time wise. I am sure I will have fun today. I might be eating strange foods but I am sure they will taste good. Any party, celebrating a baby, is a good one!

All The News

I have been getting my newspaper delivered for over 25 years. In the 80's it was delivered by a young girl. The paper was always on the front stoop and she came by once a week to pick up payment. Then it was delivered by a young boy. The paper was usually on the front stoop and he came by once a week for payment. After him, the paper began to be delivered by an anonymous car. I was lucky if it was in the near proximity of my house. Payment was now made through the mail. I guess if you do not have to actually come face to face with a customer, you do not need to do the job right. One year, after the snow thawed, I found a paper from 2 months prior. I had a friend who used to have to search for her paper each day. One day it was in the driveway, one day in the bushes, one day on the front curb. After weeks of searching for her paper, when the paper boy came by to pick up his weekly payment, it was not in the mailbox, as usual. He rang the bell and asked where it was. She said "It is out there, somewhere. Go search for it like I do every morning". He looked and looked and finally found it in the bushes. From that day on, her paper was on her front stoop.

Reading Rears

I was driving behind an expensive car this morning, on my way to work and noticed that there was a bumper sticker slapped onto the bumper. It said some nonsense about their child being on the honor roll of their elementary school. The car was immaculate, except for this half peeled away sticker. I do not know why someone would want to deface their property with a sticky piece of paper that is messy to remove. Do they think that I really care that their child is on the honor roll? Maybe I would care, if the sticker said "follow me and I will lead you to $2 a gallon gas". Some people have many of these nonsense stickers crowding their bumper. "I love this'", "I hate that". Who cares? Just drive in your lane and stay away from the side of my car. If you are going to have these stickers on you car, at least put them on straight!

What's Her Name

What constitutes disrespect? That was the argument we had in work last week. One of our doctors has a patient who cannot or will not remember the doctors name. Each time she calls for an appointment she says, "can I have an appointment with what's her name". Since we know who she is speaking about we make the appointment. For some reason, this irks one of my receptionists and she decided to train this woman to learn the doctors name. A few days ago, when we got the call asking for "what's her name", my receptionist said "who"? The patients kept repeating "what's her name" and my receptionist kept saying "who". After going back and forth a few times the woman said "you know....the dark skinned girl". Well....those were fighting words. My receptionist said "your doctors name is Dr K.......... and how dare you refer to her as the dark skinned girl". The appointment was made and the patient hung up. Two minutes later the patient called back and said "I know my doctors name. I am not a dummy", and hung up again. The next day when the patient had to ask a question, she referred to the doctor by her name. I guess you can teach old dogs, new tricks. You just have to care enough.

No More Speaker Phone

I never use speaker phone. To me, speaker phone is just a way of saying that while I am talking to you, I have other more important things to do. I do not like to split my attention with ten other chores. You can always tell if someone is on speaker phone. The person either sounds five miles away or like they are under water. When I make a phone call and hear that unmistakable speaker phone sound, I will ask the person if they are using it. When they say that they are, I always ask to be taken off speaker phone so that I can continue the call. Most of the time people do this. Sometimes they tell me that they have but really did not. Do they think that I cannot tell? When this happens, I start to talk in a whisper, so that they can no longer hear me. Within a few seconds they discontinue speaker phone and pick up the handset. If you have other important things to do when I call, don't pick up the phone. Let it go to messaging and return my call later. I do not like telephone multi-phone taskers.

The Supervisor

There are two types of supervisors. One that gives positive reinforcement and one that surround herself with negativity. Anyone that has worked more than one job has probably come across one of each. The positive one, is a breeze to work for. Good vibes and constructive ideas. You strive to always do better, because you are appreciated. You never dread going to work. When your supervisor is negative, it effects the entire staff. Part of the work day is spent talking about how you dislike the supervisor. The other part of the day is doing a job that you will get no encouragement for and will most likely be criticized for. Years ago, I worked for a negative woman. She was borderline nuts. She felt that no one was working hard enough, yet she loved to put all four telephone lines on hold, as she showed us her new wardrobe. The best was when she brought her dog to work. After putting up with her nonsense for a few years, the entire office walked out. She was fired a few weeks later. Most of the workers left without finding another job, because the atmosphere was so bad. This woman disrupted 6 lives. I wonder who she is upsetting today.

Dollar Crazy

Every neighborhood on Long Island has one. Some towns have one in every shopping center. Dollar stores. They have many names. Dollar Tree, Dollar Daze, Dollar General. Some stores want to go one step further and call themselves 99 cent stores. You have to be a careful shopper in those, because they are usually 99cents and up. You can find just about anything in these stores, for only a dollar. I mean everything. From shampoo to steak. The quality on some of these items are great and on others, not so great. If you shop in these stores enough you know what to buy. When I was a child there was a store that was the predecessor of the dollar stores. It was called John's Bargain Store. When you walked into the store, you could smell the bargains. Literally, since most of them were made with plastic. The store was full of large bins and everything was thrown into them. Clothes, slippers, hair brushes. You name it, John's had it. While everyone shopped there, no one said they did. Bargains were not things to be proud of in those days. As prices are rising, shopping for bargains is more in fashion.

Bowling for the Holiday

Today Is Easter. I wish everyone who observes it, a happy holiday. Commercially, Easter used to be a sacred holiday. When I first moved into my neighborhood, every store was closed on Easter Sunday. Every one, except the bowling alley. I never quite understood why they stayed open. I guess for the people that did not celebrate. For me, Easter was a day to do nothing and just relax, since there was no where to go, other than the bowling alley. Now, things are different. Every store is open. They have been open on this day for over 20 years. Who was the person that decided that a holiday that used to be sacred, was no longer that important. Even though I do not celebrate Easter, I still think that it should be treated as a special day. When the stores chose to make it like any other shopping day, they showed disrespect. Even though I have my choice to shop anywhere I want today, I will not. I will just do nothing and just relax.

Tweet

For the past few weeks, my boss has been asking me to set up a Twitter account. I do not think that she has any understanding of what Twitter is. For some reason, she thinks that it will be a magical marketing devise. I set up the account and realized that I had nothing to tweet about. As I studied what people tweet, I noticed that it is the most wasteful way that someone can spend their time. Celebrities only tweet about their upcoming events or what great new product they are using. They are probably being paid thousands of dollars for tweeting the product name. I do not really care what shoes you wore that day, who is eating a chocolate muffin and have no idea who decided that the #, @ and RT signs should have any meaning to me. I told my boss that I am refusing to tweet about our office because it is unprofessional. If she wants to tweet she can do her own chirping.

Having a Conscience

Sometime I wonder if all human beings have a conscience. More recently, I have come across some people that do and say things and have no idea that they are hurting others. Do they just not care or do they just not know? I always thought that we are at a higher level than animals. I am now questioning that thought. The other day, my dog, Shelby, had an accident on the den floor. I was upstairs and he had no way of letting me know that he needed to be walked. He always barks at people walking by the house, so I did not go to check on him, when he barked, this time. He had no choice but to "go" on the carpeting. Normally he loves to sit on the den couch. When I came downstairs, he was in the kitchen, in his bed, with his head down and his tiny paws covering his eyes. He knew he had done something wrong and gave himself a "time out" as punishment. Then it dawned on me. He has a conscience. He has the thinking capacity to know right from wrong and to feel bad about it. If a small dog knows, why don't people?

Name Dropper

This afternoon, I will go to my annual doctors appointment. The office staff is very pleasant, but there is one woman in particular that is too pleasant. She has a very kind manner and is very soft spoken. The only thing that I find irritating, is that she is a "name caller". Not the kind that calls you bad names. This kind that repeats your name, after each sentence. How are you today, Susan. Come into the exam room, Susan. Put on the paper gown, Susan. The doctor will be with you in a few minutes, Susan. She does this to each patient, from the time they enter the office, until the time she says, "See you in a year, Susan". I do not know why I find this so annoying. Maybe, it is the repetition, or the fact that I see no purpose in repeating a word that is not necessary. It is a good thing that this doctor does not take my blood pressure. It would probably be quite high, after hearing my name repeated a dozen times. 

Telephone

We have all done this. We upgrade our telephones and then have the annoying task of learning how to use them. I try to stay with basic phones, as I am a creature of habit and too tired to learn new technology. On, off and text. That is all I want to be capable of. I always know when someone has a new iPhone. They never know how to answer the first few calls and disconnect you, while you are still talking. Then, they call back to apologize. They try to browse the web, only to realize that they have fat fingers. Any finger larger than a twig will cause double letters. HHi, hhowww arree yyouuu. The next step is trying to text with the side of your fingers. When you try to get onto a website, it takes longer to get the information than it would have been to just call someone and ask. Learning the new phone becomes a group effort with everyone trying to make sense of it. I think this is called "tele-bonding". I am now set for 2 years and hope that the technology slows down by then.

Semantics

I was shopping in a local neighborhood grocery store the other day and needed a dozen eggs. I had a coupon to get the eggs for free. The coupon read "Free eggs. Value up to $3.29". After the cashier was done scanning all of my items, she said "where is the second dozen eggs"? I said "what second dozen? I am only taking one and that one is free". She said "No, you need to buy 2". As much as I explained the wording to her, she was still fixated on a second dozen eggs. I slowly said that this was not a "buy one, get one free" offer. It was a ONE FREE offer. No other purchase necessary. She still did not get it. Now, I am holding up the line, but no one seemed to care, because they all were agreeing with me and wanted to see how this would play out. Next, the cashier calls over another cashier. She scrutinizes the coupon and says "where is the second dozen eggs"? I am now looking around for the television cameras. The cashier next to them nodded to me that I was right, but she didn't seem to want to get involved. Maybe these were her friends. After a long five minutes of explaining the semantics of the coupon, I left without my free eggs. I went a block away to Waldbaums and purchased them without any drama.

Sleepless In New York

I have not slept a full night since May 2,1980. I am serious about that. I was blessed with babies that slept 2 hours at a time. Maybe they just loved me so much, they needed to see my face throughout the night. Either that, or they were just very hungry babies. Once they passed the baby stage, one of them became a sleep walker. Once he passed that stage, they napped during the day after school and went to sleep very late at night. Then they woke up early for school. The house was never quiet. Even though I had a house alarm, I did not need it. There was never a time when everyone was asleep. Someone was always watching out.When my sons grew up, they chose to work evenings. I could never really rest unless they were safe and sound in their rooms. Once they moved out, my body was so accustomed to that poor sleep pattern, that a sound sleep was not an option. I guess people can really survive on 3 hour of sleep a night. I have been doing it for 31 years.

The Scent Of A Woman

A few years back, there was an Al Pacino movie titled "The Scent Of A Woman". Today's blog will also be about the scent of a woman, but in a different way. A month ago, a man and woman came into my office in need of therapy. The only stipulation was that whoever saw them, would not be able to wear perfume or scented lotion, of any kind. The woman was extremely sensitive to all scents. I booked the appointment and made sure to remind the doctor to wear no scents on that day. For all future visits, I remind the doctor. Here is the funny part. Each time this couple walks into the office they reek of garlic. It is so overpowering that you could gag. The first time, we thought that maybe they just had a very heavily seasoned dinner, the night before. But visit after visit, the scent is the same. Day old garlic. We have no idea how the therapist can sit in a 10x10 room for one hour with the smell. When they leave the office we spray it. Sometimes, the scent of a woman is not a good thing.