Skype-ing

Yesterday I spoke to my kids on Skype, for the first time. I have known about this service for many years, as I set it up in my office for therapy sessions. I never had any reason to use it at home. I downloaded it last week just to have it in place for the future, when I want to cyber visit with my new grandchild. I mentioned it to my daughter in law and asked if they had a camera in their laptop. She said she would check. Last night, my son called and asked me to turn on my Skype program. I did and there they were. In living color, at their kitchen table. At first it was weird talking to the screen but after a few minutes I did not even notice. I was just having such a good time talking to my son and daughter in law, face to face. It felt like a real visit. We talked for about a half hour. After the session ended, I sat there for a few more minutes. It felt like old times, talking to my son in his bedroom. Modern technology!

Woodstock Generation

I have not been to a concert in years. The other night I attended one that was a musical review of the 1960's type of music. It was an offshoot of the play "Jersey Boys". When I arrived at the theater, I looked around and saw that the crowd was much older than I was. The predominant hair color was grey. There were people with walkers, oxygen tanks, aides and a few that still had bandaids on their arms from that mornings blood tests. I am not being cynical, only truthful. When the lights went down and the music started, the crowd turned into 20 year olds. They cheered and sang. At one point the musicians tossed a beach ball into the crowd and the audience threw it around as if they were playing beach volleyball. It was a packed house, filled with people having a wonderful time. I began to calculate their ages and soon realized that this was the "Woodstock Generation".  In 1969 these people would have been between 20 and 30 years old. That night, they were young again.

Birds on a String

Driving to work this morning, I saw some birds overhead. They looked like they were suspended in mid air. It seems that they were really just sitting on a thin telephone wire. Since traffic was at a standstill, I had time to  stare at them. They were all motionless, just "chilling out". The odd thing was that they lined themselves up equally distant from each other. The same amount of space in between each bird. Did they do this to account for their wing span? Or do birds, like humans, just need their personal space.

Robots

I read on the internet that there are now a variety of gadgets that can monitor your home when you are gone. They can tell you if your dog needs to be fed, your refrigerator door is open, your washing machine is done washing, your lights are off, etc, etc. Your home can now run without you. I do not know why we have to know everything that is going on elsewhere if we are not in the vicinity. The more that we have done for us, the less we will have to use our brains. Soon they will shrink to the size of a pea. You learn responsibility through errors. If you never have to use the cognitive part of your brain, you lose the skill to think out and solve a problem. The next generation is heading towards being robots. Hooked up to their machines, letting electronics make their decisions. The other day, one of my receptionists called me because she did not know how to solve a simple problem in the office. I guess her ipad didn't know either.

Lyrics and Lectures

I listen to an oldies station when I drive to work. Simple tunes recorded in simpler times. Some of the lyrics are silly, like the song "My boy lollipop. He makes my heart go giddy up". This morning the stations choice of songs was great. I listened to the songs as if I was listening to a lecture. The words made so much sense to me. It started off with the Louis Armstrong song "When you're smiling". What could be more true than the thought that if you smile, others will too. The next song was Frank Sinatra singing "I've got to be me". I listened to every word of that song and realized that if you were reading it instead of singing it, it could be a true commentary on leading a self fulfilled life. Maybe in one of my future lecture series, I will incorporate the topic of "Lyrics and our Lives". I would certainly have an abundance of material to work with.

TLC

We all know the expression TLC. For most of us it means tender loving care. For people in the New York area it can refer to a television station called The Learning Channel. I use these initials when I lecture but I have a different meaning for them. Take it, Leave it or Change it. TLC. Your choice in life. When you come across a situation that is not to your liking, there are always three choices. When you are unhappy at work, you can sit there in silence, quit your job or figure out what is needed to make things better. When you are having trouble in a relationship, you can stay and be treated poorly, say goodbye or sit down and discuss what went wrong. Some people see things in black and white. Take it or leave it. Truly happy people see things in grey. That's what "change it" is all about.

Family

Last night I was at a beautiful wedding. At the last minute the venue decided to have the ceremony outside. Just as the sun was setting, the ceremony began. The air was perfectly cool and you could hear the sound of the waterfall in the background. After the cocktail hour we went into the main room and waited for the bridal party to be announced. First came the parents of the groom. Next was the bride's mothers. Plural. Next came the bride's mother. Singular. Next came the bride's mother and father. Confused? So was I. I took out my wedding program and tried to match up the names and figure out who was who. I could not seem to do it. No one else could either. Then I thought about it. Did it really matter? However odd the number of people, they all loved the bride and were her parents. She was a beautiful, happy, educated woman, who was marrying a man she loved very much. Families came in all shapes and sizes. Love binds them together.

Wedding Bells

Today is a beautiful day! Yesterday's storms cleared the path for warm sunshine and clear skies. I am happy about this for two reasons. One of the reasons is that everyone loves a beautiful day. The other reason is that early this evening I will be attending the wedding of my good friend's son. They deserve to prepare for this event with the sun shining on them. I have known them for many years, as our older sons met in middle school. Throughout the years they have remained two of the nicest people you could ever meet. Always kind and caring and wishing the best for other families. Last year at this time I was preparing for a wedding. My day was as beautiful as this one. Tonight, I will help celebrate a new beginning for a lovely couple and wish them every happiness that life holds.

Mindset of Happiness

Today is the last part of my lecture series for the New York Public Library. I had so much fun doing them. In September I will find out where I will do this lecture again. Today's class is on Mindset and Perception. Mindset is the way you think about things. If you change your mindset and perception, you will change the outcome of events. To change our mindset, we need to change some old habits. A positive mindset can change every decision we make, for the better. Since we can only focus on one thing at a time, focus on the positive not the negative. If you have only been taught a negative point of view, it is time to unlearn it . It is never too late. Don't talk negatively to yourself. Encourage yourself and say, "I can do it". Face your fears and go forward. If you look back, you will fall into your old ways, because that's what you know. If misery loves company, stay away from miserable people. Life is like poker. You have to know how to play your cards right in order to have a winning hand.

Summertime

It is 6am and the thermometer is reading 80 degrees. Summer has arrived. This is the last week of school and the teachers are more excited than the students. I can't believe how fast this year went. Last year at this time, I was getting ready for my son's wedding. I had a laundry list of tasks and didn't know how I would do them all. But I did. This Saturday, my friend's son is getting married and she is reliving my life from last year. I think the year went fast because we did not have to contend with snowstorms. It felt like Summer, Fall, Fall, Spring and Summer. It is supposed to reach over 90 degrees by this afternoon, so I am getting ready for my patients to cancel their appointments. They do not like to come out if it is too cold or too hot. Our office policy is that if you cancel on the day of your appointment, we charge you anyway. I know I will be arguing with a lot of people today. I just hope the air conditioner is on full blast.

Hats Off

This morning, on Yahoo, I saw a picture of the British Royalty at an event. All of the women were wearing hats. Not the type that keep your head warm in the cold weather. The kind that are a fashion statement. I always thought that the hats that English people wear are almost outlandish. The three hats in the picture looked like 1) a Frisbee 2) a dessert plate with a few small cookies and 3) the flower arrangement I used to have on my dining room table, before it got too dusty and had to be thrown out. The other ladies at this event wore similar monstrosities. I began to think about what my circle of friends and I would look like in those type of hats. I couldn't bear the visual. I would never leave my house. I am glad that when America became independent from England, we also distanced ourselves from the hats.

Happy Birthday B

Thirty one years ago, at 1:34am, my life changed forever. My first son was born. I was hoping for a boy, as I am not the type of person to be a frilly, girly mom. I am a mother of boys. There is a difference. I got my wish and there he was. Sky blue eyes and light blond hair. So handsome. He looked directly into my eyes and there was an immediate connection that has held strong all of these years. Even though he lives three hours away, he is always with me. He is an extension of me. He is quiet and does not say much but when he does say something, everyone listens. He has grown from a great son into an even better husband. In a few months, he will grow again, into a loving father. To me, he is one of life's miracles. I still have the same feeling today when I look at him, as I did in the delivery room 31 years ago. I am so lucky he is mine.

r

A few weeks ago my computer crashed. A computer hacker type of program attached itself to my hard drive. It was a type of program that mimics an anti virus screen and will not allow you to exit it unless you buy the software. There really is no software, they just want your credit card number. I am smart enough to know a scam when I see it, but I did not have the IT skills to remove the pop up screens. I needed to call Dell and have them enter my computer via remote and redo everything. It took three hours and cost $89.95. It was well worth it. After the entire mess was over, my desktop was left with an "r" on it. For some reason it just stayed there. I have restarted my computer many times since the "mishap" but the "r" is still there. It will be there for ever. I am getting used to it. It is a reminder that nothing in the world is perfect and we just have to learn how to live with certain things.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all the Dad's! Happy Father's Day to all the Mom's, too. Yes, the Mom's. The other day, after I held my lecture, one of the participants came up to me to say goodbye.  She shook my hand and said "Have a Happy Father's Day". She then explained that she is a single mother and has raised her family alone for many years. She has been mom and dad, in good times and bad. She feels that today is her day, too. Most people enter parenthood with the expectations of doing it as a team. Unfortunately, the number of parents going it alone is higher than ever. Maybe society has relaxed its rules so much, that single parent families are slowly becoming the norm. I wish everyone a good day, whatever your plans are!

Top 10 Days

There are certain days that the weatherman would describe as the "top ten" days of the year, weather wise. Today is one of them. As soon as I opened my back door and went outside to walk Shelby, I smiled. The sun is bright, there is not a cloud in the sky, it is 60 degrees and there is a slight breeze. Just perfect. In about 2 hours I will be setting up a booth in my local park to discuss the benefits of Life Coaching. I was hoping for a beautiful day. After that I will come home and have my family over for an early Father's Day celebration. Father's Day weekend is always special to me, as it is when my older son was born. This weekend always doubled as both celebrations. Even though he lives 200 miles away, I still feel that this party is for him. A beautiful day, a fair at the park and a family party. How could anyone be happier?

Little Sprout

It is the time of the year for planting gardens. In my neighborhood there are quite a few nurseries to choose from. We have the private ones that have their greenhouse in the back and we have the Home Depot kind that imports from various places. Years ago I had a vegetable garden that had 13 varieties of plants. We grew plentiful vegetables, too much for my family, so I had to give a lot away. One year I grew a zucchini so large that it was the size of a baseball bat. I have a picture of my older son swinging it over his shoulder. There is one fond memory that I will always remember.The last day of kindergarten, my younger son came home with a styrofoam cup and dirt. He said that he planted a sunflower seed in it and the teacher told him to water it daily and watch it grow. After a few weeks it got too big for the cup so we replanted it in my vegetable garden. We watched it grow and soon it was taller than him. Then it was taller than me. By September it had reached over 10 feet tall and the sunflower was 2 feet in diameter. It had grown into a giant. I took a picture of my son in front of it. Later that month it dropped all of its seed and we ate them. It is still one of my best memories.

Courier and Field

Semantics. How you say things. A matter of the right words. Communication is the way we get our point across and some people have a better way than others of doing that. Years ago, I worked with a woman named Debbie. She could take the most mundane task and make it sound so important. My job description entailed handing out the doctors mail and customer telephone calls. On occasion, if I was on vacation, Debbie took over for me. After a few years, Debbie wanted to look for a new job. She brought in her resume. As part of her job responsibilities she listed "courier of documents". I asked her what she was talking about as I knew her daily routine. She told me that putting the doctors mail into their mail slots was couriering documents. Wow. Here I thought I was delivering mail, while Debbie was a courier. When I read further down on her resume, she "fielded patient inquiries". I answered phones but Debbie fielded inquiries. No wonder why she got every job she interviewed for. Who wouldn't want to hire a person that is a trained courier and knows how to field?

Sweeeeet Potatoes

The other day, I was in the mood for chicken and went to my local take out restaurant to buy dinner. It is the type of restaurant that you order at the counter and take your tray to the table by yourself. I had just placed my order of roasted chicken, stuffing and mac and cheese, when a woman and her young daughter arrived on line behind me. They each ordered 1/4 roasted chicken. The girl behind the counter asked what 2 side dishes they wanted. They stood there looking at the choices and decided upon mashed potatoes and gravy and macaroni and cheese. A minute later, the fun began. Out from behind the kitchen door came a man carrying a tub of sweet potatoes. I guess they had run out a few minutes before and sent the man to get a refill. As soon as the mother saw the sweet potatoes, she started jumping up and down in joy. Actually jumping. Then her daughter joined in. Jumping. They both started to yell, "Sweet potatoes, sweet potatoes, sweet potatoes". It was as if they hit the lottery. They called to the girl that was filling their order. "Hey, wait! We want the sweet potatoes!" The girl changed the order, as we all stood there laughing. I never knew how much joy a potato could bring.

Key To A Man's .....

There are many differences between men and women. They are wired differently. Things that bother women do not phase men. There is one phenomenon that I will never understand. Keys. Both sexes carry them but for some reason they have a dual purpose for men. Women use them to open locks. Men also use them to open locks but they use them for something else. To clean their ears. I am not talking just one man. I am talking many men. Just this week alone I saw two men digging in their ears with a key. Jiggling it around as if they were stirring a pot. It reminded me of when a dog scratches its ear with its paw. When the key is finally removed form the ear, the men have a look of satisfaction on their faces, like they just climbed Mt. Everest.

Written Off

I was reading an AARP magazine and came across an interesting article titled "Going, Almost Gone, Gone". It was about things in the lives of the over 50's generation that are fading away. One of them was Cursive. A word that most of us have not heard in years and the rest of us do not know. Anyone under thirty has no idea that it relates to handwriting and not foul language. The article said that most school districts are eliminating teaching cursive and that in the future they might have to have it as an independent course. The course would be taught to people that want to have the skill to read historical documents like the Declaration of Independence. Imagine a country that can no longer have the ability to read its own doctrine. Mind boggling.

Just Say Yes

I am the first one to lend a helping hand, when I am asked. If I am busy when someone needs my help, I always think of a good alternative, so I can be there when needed. I am always open to change and go with the flow. Unfortunately, I am surrounded by "excuse makers". When they are asked to help out, the roll call of excuses flows. They have to do this, they have to do that. There is some sort of complication that gets in the way. An argument ensues. Now comes the funny part. In the end, they always wind up doing what they are asked to do and even go the extra mile. Why couldn't they just agree with things, from the beginning. It would save so much effort and aggravation. Maybe the arguing is just a way to work up the necessary adrenaline to do the job.

Town Pride

I can't believe that another year has flown by. Today is my town's annual pride day. Businesses will have tables set up giving away pens, cups, tee shirts and informative information. Restaurants will have tents set up feeding the entire neighborhood. Pizza, hot dogs, soda, ice cream and candy. I remember the years when there was fried chicken and biscuits. Too bad that restaurant closed. I used to attend pride day with my children but they are grown now and have better things to do. I am still loyal and will be there at 10am when the booths open. I can always count on meeting someone I have not seen for years and catching up on what has been going on since we last met. By the time the event ends at 1pm, I will have a bag full of goodies and a stomach full of food. I will also have a smile on my face!

Part Deux

Today is the second part of my four part lecture series. It is a beautiful day so the ride to the library will be a nice one. Today's lecture will be about success. Each person has their own definition of what success is. One person may consider making a gourmet meal a success. Another may consider opening up a business as success. There is one common ground in achieving success. You have to work at it. You get out of life what you put into it. Hard work and focusing on your goal will get you results. It bothers me when people complain about things in their lives that are not going well. If something is not living up to your expectations, change it. Re-tune your "frequency" to allow a new way of thinking. If you keep your brain tuned to the same channel you will never get the information that will lead to success.

A Dream Come True

A dream has come true. I am going to be a grandmother! My older son and his wife are expecting their first child. I wanted to post this blog earlier, but I needed to tell a few people in person first. That is what is so crazy about the internet age. People find out things electronically rather than the old fashioned human way. I am so excited. First, to see a new baby and then to see my son and daughter-in-law as parents. The new baby is a lucky one and he/she doesn't even know it yet. The baby will be born into a wonderful family. Two sets of grandparents, one set of great grandparents, two uncles, one aunt and lots of cousins. Each and every one of these people are the nicest you can find. He/she will live in a beautiful home with two hard working parents and will learn how to live a productive life. His parents will teach by example. They are both smart and kind and caring. I wish my "kids" the best in life. No one deserves it more than them!

Hands Free

The Queen of England is celebrating her Diamond Jubilee. She is marking her 60th year as a reigning monarch. As she tours the country, I am noticing that she is always clutching her handbag. Holding it tight on her arm. What could she be carrying? Her keys to Buckingham Palace? A wallet just in case she needs money to by coffee and a doughnut? A tissue? Gum? For 60 years, she has never been hands free. I would love to walk around with an entourage and have my arms swinging in the air. Godfathers have the right idea. Even when it is raining, they let the other guy carry an umbrella over their heads. I guess that is how they differ from royalty.

Happy Birthday Little Mama

I remember it like it was yesterday. The birth of "my little girl". My sister and I were pregnant with our first children, but she was due two weeks earlier. I can vividly remember getting the phone call early in the morning that she was in labor. There were no cell phones in those days, so wherever I went that day, I called the hospital pay phone for an update. As soon as I was told that our "princess" was born, I could not wait to see her. Within a few hours I was at the hospital, pressing my nose against the nursery window. She was so tiny and so beautiful. As she grew older her physical beauty was matched my her inner beauty. She is kind, caring, sympathetic and just an all around good person. This year will be an extra special day for her, as it is the first birthday that she is a mother. She will spend the day with my parents and her daughter. Could life be better? Today, the day is almost as beautiful as she is. Happy, happy birthday to a very special girl.

Kaleidoscope

When we were children, kaleidoscopes were popular toys. Tin tubes filled with mirrors, beads and colored papers. We were all mesmerized  at how the patterns changed by just turning the outer cylinder. I can still hear the noise as the colorful beads fell into place and reflected on the inner mirrors. Each pattern was unique and I remember thinking that the design I was looking at was the most beautiful ever, until I turned the dial and viewed the next one. I recently purchased a kaleidoscope, to use as a Life Coaching tool. It is a metaphor for life. In a kaleidoscope, the variables are always the same. The same beads, the same mirrors and the same colorful papers. By turning the dial we become in control of those variables and help to determine the outcome. The beauty and wonder of life is in our hands, we just need to know how to create it.

Everything You Need To Know

Years ago, I read the following essay and today it is as relevant as when it was written. Last night, I attended a social gathering and came across a man that I have know for years. He has lacked social graces since we met in the 1970's and all of his friends have let him get away with his gross lack of social skills. As people grow older, so does the concept of accepting behavior that to use a common term, "needs a good smack down". I realized that I cannot and will not condone anyone's behavior that I find offensive. I am at the age where I just do not care enough to put any effort into people that I no longer care about. I need to channel my energy into those who deserve it. Some people need a "How-to" lesson on being a decent human being. Below are a few of the important skills that everyone needs to live by: 
All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.
These are the things I learned:

• Share everything.
• Play fair.
• Don't hit people.
• Put things back where you found them.
• Clean up your own mess.
• Don't take things that aren't yours.
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
• Wash your hands before you eat.
• Flush.
• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
• Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
• Take a nap every afternoon.
• When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
• Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
• Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
• And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.
Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.
And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

What A Difference

What a difference a day or week or year make. Last year, my younger son bought a house. It had not had any updates done to it and we worked for months making the inside beautiful. On the outside it still looked sad. It was surrounded by beautiful homes that had been renovated over the years. After saving money for a year, my son had enough money to put all new windows and siding on. Everyone in the neighborhood walks by and stops to look. It is as if a poor orphan has finally found its family. As of last night, most of the work was done and I could see the beginning of a smile coming through the siding. Even a house wants to feel part of the gang.

A First

I disagree with the old saying that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. While I do not consider myself old, I am at the age where most people do not tread in new waters. Since I do not swim in real life, I will tread instead. Today is the first session of my life coaching series at the New York Public Library. After a few months of negotiations, the library has hired me to come on board as a speaker. Every Friday, for the month of June, I will lecture on a new topic, all related to quality of life. I am excited to do this and hope that this will be the beginning of many future lectures. I will teach this to the people that come to hear me speak. You are never too old to have dreams. You are never too old to have goals. You are never too old to try something new. You are never too old to disagree with people when they tell you that you are too old. You are never too old to learn a new trick.