One Day

I read a quote the other day in Reader's Digest. It said "One day can change your life. One day can ruin your life. All life is, is three or four big days that change everything". That thought is so true. Yesterday I had a wonderful day. It wasn't life changing, but it was life enhancing. I watched as my parents played with their 3 great grandchildren. All three of them in the same backyard. I watched as my father sang a special song to my granddaughter. My sister videotaped it so the memory of that special moment will never be forgotten. As we sat around the dinner table, the family reminisced about the past. Special days were discussed and the stories were as clear in my mind yesterday as they were when they happened 32 years ago. As I sit here this morning, I know that in the future, yesterday will be discussed and fondly remembered. One day......

She's Here

My smiley girl has arrived. My granddaughter from Massachusetts is visiting for the weekend with my son and daughter in law. After a long ride, they arrived late yesterday afternoon. They hit the summer beach traffic, which added on about two hours to their ride. She came into my house with bright blue smiling eyes. She is a joy to look at. Her temperament is calm and delightful. This afternoon, I will have the pleasure of seeing my parents with their three great grandchildren. Needless to say, there will be many photo opportunities and my sister will take advantage of all of them. There will be lots of food, lots of family and lots of love in my house today.

Staff Development

This afternoon I am doing something new. I will be lecturing to the staff members at a local university. I usually do lectures that are open to the public, but this one is limited to the professors. The topic is "communication". I have done this topic previously, but today I will add the extra component of exercises and activities. I have been going over the lecture in my head for the past few days as I do not use cue cards. I like the discussion to flow and find that looking at cards is a distraction. The university hired me as an Adjunct Professor who will do staff development lectures and teach continuing education classes. I am so excited to go out of my comfort zone and try something different.

Survival

Last night I watched a new reality show and still have the ugly picture in my head. It was called "Naked and Afraid". The show was about two strangers who just met and have to survive 21 days in the wilderness with only one item from home. The catch  is that they are also naked. Of course the important "private" parts are blurred out. I would like to send a thank you card to the producers for doing that. Truth be told, the human body looks better when it is covered. So, these two strangers, one male and one female need to survive for 3 weeks and end up at a pick up point that is designated on a map. After watching some other survival shows, I think these people did rather poorly. They built a shelter and literally starved for 3 weeks. At the end of the show, the man lost 43 pounds and the woman lost 26 pounds. She looked like the walking dead. There were camera men with them, but they were not allowed to intervene unless it was medically necessary. I thought that when the girl got food poisoning from eating a turtle and vomited for three days, someone should have said, Enough is enough". Even I know that you never eat the intestines of an animal. As she ate them, I knew she would get sick. These two people were supposed to have survival skills, but I truly think I could have done better. They were next to a river, so why didn't they go fishing? There were bugs all around, so why didn't they eat them for protein? There were frogs and lizards walking by. Hadn't either of them heard of eating frog legs? They should have named the show "Starving and Unprepared".

One Word

My parent are the children of Russian immigrants. They grew up speaking Yiddish as that was their parent's first language. My sister and I understand the language, but are not fluent by any means. The other day we were discussing that the Yiddish language has many single words that can get across a point that would otherwise take up a paragraph in English. Most second generation American Jews know these words. My children also know them and probably do not even realize that they are a foreign language, as they have grown up with them. I will give you an example. If I wanted to say how I am related to my daughter in law's parents I would say the word "machatunim". If I wanted to say my relationship to all of my daughter in law's extended family, including aunts, uncles and cousins, I would say "mishpochah". If I wanted to describe a person who is nasty and mean spirited, I would say "farbissen". If I wanted to say that my children have made me proud with all of their achievements and accomplishments, I would say they give me "noches". If you listen carefully to the movie Austin Powers, one of the characters is named Frau Farbissina, meaning Mrs. Nastiness. The name was meant as a kind of an inside joke for Jewish people. I use Yiddish words in work and now my non Jewish co workers also use them, as they get right to the point.

Ageless Heart

My parents lost a close friend yesterday. He was 92 years old and up until the past few months, was in good health. He left behind his wife, who was also 92 and two children, in their 60's. When I tell people about his death, in their minds they will be thinking "he was an old man and it was inevitable". Rationally, they are correct. No matter how old he was, his family will feel the same grief. When we lose a loved one, at any age, we feel the same amount of sorrow. Whether it was at 72 or 82 or 92, our hearts do not feel less pain. When god gave us the ability to love, he did not put an age limit on it.

Underdeveloped Country

America has become an underdeveloped country. I am not speaking about our finances or agriculture. I am speaking about our photographs. Years ago, we took pictures on film and sent them in to be developed. We waited anywhere from 2 days to one week for them to arrive home. That is when we saw if they were good and if anyone had been decapitated. There were no second chances. If you took a bad picture you lived with it. Now, most people do not bother to develop their pictures. They remain on their iPads or cell phones. When someone asks to see a picture, we are always ready. No more saying,  "I will bring them to you tomorrow". My husband is a cell phone novice. He knows how to make calls, but it is a crap shoot whether or not he will answer a call. He once went for weeks with the phone on silent and had no idea how it got silenced in the first place. The phone is only turned on in emergencies. That is why I have to develop some pictures. His co workers keep asking him for pictures of the grandchildren and he has none. So this morning I will have to actually print them out on photo paper and use $20 worth of ink.

The Magnet

Yesterday I was at Port Jefferson with my family. This was the first real outing with my grandson. He spent most of the day in his stroller, covered with a bug net. You could not really see him when you looked in because the net was black and had a UV coating to protect him from the sun. At about 6pm, when the sun was less intense, my daughter in law wanted to take pictures in front of the pier that she had posed at last year. The picture would be of her and my son standing in the same place, but this one would include the baby. We took him out of the stroller and they posed with him in my son's arms. Within moments, a crowd gathered. They watched as we took pictures. When we were done, the crowd gathered around and started to ask questions. "How old is he"? "What is his name"? "What does he weigh"? Maybe they were interested because he was tiny. Maybe he attracted their attention because he was dressed in a camouflage outfit. Whatever the reason was, he became a 7 pound magnet. That is the beauty of a baby. He will always bring a smile to your face.

Lobsters Beware

This afternoon we are taking a ride to Port Jefferson. It is about one hour away, but it will feel like a bit of a vacation. We will walk along the marina and go into the souvenir shops. We will stand by the ferry and watch as cars and people board it for the ride to Connecticut. The highlight of the day will be dinner. When we were there last year, we ate at an outdoor informal restaurant. The lobster bisque was the best I ever had and the lobster dinner was very reasonably priced. After dinner and another walk, we will head to the candy and ice cream store, where we will look at every counter until we find the perfect dessert. Last year four of us went. This year there will be five. Before we leave home, we will first have to pass an intelligence test. The challenge is putting an infant car seat base into our car. It could go either way. It could fit perfectly or there could be a lot of yelling as we struggle. If things go poorly, we will just take it uninstalled to my son's house where he will pop it in within one minute. We are trying to do it ourselves first just to see if we can.

Deja Vu

Thirty two years ago this week, I strolled into the town pool, pushing a blond haired blue eyed baby in a stroller. Today I will do the same thing. It will just be with a different baby. Last time it was my son. This time it will be my grandson. In the past week he has changed from preemie to newborn. He is over 7 pounds and doing everything right on target. My son and daughter in law are finally at ease enough to do the normal things most parents do with their babies. I packed my pool bag and am ready to go. My pool friends have no idea that the baby was born. They will be very surprised.

The Elderly

When people get older, they change. I see this happening to the patients I have known for ten years. The alert, agile people in their 70's have become slower moving and slower thinking. That's just the natural progression of life. As they change, so must we. Our attitudes and levels of compassion need to increase. We need to realize that their actions are not any reflection upon us, but just nature taking its course. One of my patients came for a visit yesterday. She is now 82 years old and while she looks great on the outside, I see that mentally she is not the same. My front office staff was becoming annoyed with her as they kept repeating the same information to her. She seemed so confused. They lacked the compassion and respect that she should still deserve, even if it was harder to do. They were getting snippy with her and she was reacting in an agitated tone. That is when I intervened. I took the patient into my office and we sat down to "chat". I explained to her the exact same information that my staff was trying to, but this time she understood it. The reason why she did, was because the environment and tone had changed. After she left the office, I had a talk with my staff and told them that I was not happy with what I had just seen. I told them that from now on, when an elderly person seems confused or needs a few extra minute, to treat them as they would want another doctor's office to treat their own parents. I expect nothing less for my patients.

June 19

June 19, 1981 at 1:34 in the morning, my life began. My first son was born. When the nurses put him into my arms, he looked up at me with his sky blue eyes. In that one moment, we formed a bond like no other. He looked like a porcelain doll with light blond hair and perfect tulip shaped lips. We became a team. Mommy and baby. In those days, I lived in Brooklyn and none of my friends had children. The apartment house I lived in had no young families, so for the first 18 months, until I moved to Long Island, my son became my friend. We spent every moment together and he depended on me as much as I depended on him. My husband worked nights and slept days, so we became a team with only two players. He is just like me in many ways. We limit our circle to very few people, but invest ourselves fully in them. He doesn't speak many words but when he does, people listen. He has grown to be a hard worker, kind husband and an adoring father. He will be coming to visit next week and when I see him for the first time, I will still look at him as I did when I saw him for the first time, with a love in my heart that is beyond description.

No Judge-ing

There is a protocol that is followed in my office. The doctors never book a new patient. The appointments go through me. In the rare occasion that they book it themselves, there is always trouble. That is what happened this week. One of the doctors decided to be kind to someone and booked a time slot for them. That meant that I had to call the person and get their information so I could set up a chart. I called the child's father and said that I needed some information so I could start a folder for his child. He immediately started to talk to me in a condescending tone, saying that he doesn't have time for this. I said I had to have the information and then I quoted what the fees would be. He said that his son had already been diagnosed by another doctor so why did he need a consultation. I explained the reasoning for it. Midway through the conversation, the man started yelling that he is too busy to deal with "office people" and slammed the phone down. I went to the doctor and told him what just happened. He apologized and said that the father had been pleasant with him, but he was a judge and felt he should be treated special. In my office no one is special and if you upset the office staff you will never get what you want. If I speak to the man again, and he says to call him "Judge" I will request that he calls me "Mrs".

Capturing The Moment

Yesterday, I had my family over for Father's Day. It was a special one, because my son is now a father. The baby is now past what should have been his due date and growing fast. As we sat around the table, I saw my family history. After my grandson was born, my friends gave me a book called "Memories for My Grandchild". It is a journal that a grandparent fills out, detailing their family history. It goes back to the baby's great great grandparents. I have begun to fill it out and I am already missing answers. I do not know the birth dates of all of my grandparents, as they were born in a time when records were not kept. My grandmother used to celebrate her birthday on my grandfather's date. For my other two grandparents, I can only approximate the years. I will take my time filling this book out, as it may be the most important book my grandchildren will ever have.

Pack and Play 101

I do not care how intelligent you are, I can almost guarantee that the first time you put together a pack and play for your grandchild, there will be an issue. I belong to the "I do not read instructions first" generation. I need to have the P&P (code name, so I do not have to keep typing out the words) together for Father's Day. After that, I will not really need it until two weeks later. So, lets go over what happened when I tried to assemble the P&P. I pulled it out of the box and it was very heavy. I plopped the cushion onto the ground and spread the P&P base out. I saw a cone shape in the center that was just screaming for me to push it down, so I did. Then I tried to straighten out the railings and got three out of four snapped in. As much as I tried, the fourth would not click in. I thought that this was a broken P&P and was envisioning waiting on the return line at Babies R Us. That is when I decided to read the instructions. It clearly stated, in bold letters, DO NOT PUSH THE CENTER DOWN UNTIL YOU SNAP TOGETHER RAILS. So, now I had to unsnap the three snapped rails. In Jewish we would say. "Nish git" (not good)". I pushed in the release buttons until my forefingers were sore and then finally, it unlatched. Next, I did as the instructions said and snapped the railing first, then pushed down the center. Now it was time for the bassinet attachment. I sat down and took a break before I did it, as I was exhausted. I placed the metal bars in a 45 degree angle and maneuvered them into a straight position. I was now up to the mobile. I snapped and pushed and pulled and it was done. Wait, I spoke to soon. I had the swinging toys facing the wrong way. After a last adjustment, the P&P was assembled. I have made an executive decision that it will remain together until my youngest grandchild graduates college.

Vegetarian

I am contemplating becoming a vegetarian. It is not because I do not like to eat meat. It is because the prices of buying meat have gotten out of control. I remember when chicken cutlets were $1.99 a pound. Now that price is rare. I remember steak when it was $2.99 a pound. I used to buy my meat in Pathmark. The store near me closed last week so I have been "hunting for meat" in other areas. The prices at Pathmark were reasonable, so once every few weeks I would buy my meat there. Granted, sometimes it was like eating shoe leather. I felt that the tough meat only made my jaw stronger. If I was a vegetarian, I could grow my own products and live off of the land. I can't do that with meat. My backyard is not big enough for grazing.

Hair Raising Experience

For the past few years I have been dying my hair at home. I never liked spending the time it took to color my hair in the salon. The manufacturers have made it easier to do it yourself. I used to have to part the hair and apply the dye to the roots before I put it onto the rest of my head. Now, I use the foam method. I just slop the foam on, wait 30 minutes and rinse. No roots need to be done. It is a one step method. Today I applied the foam and looked at my kitchen clock. It was 2:45pm. I would need to rinse the dye off at 3:15pm. I went about my business and checked the clock. It was 2:55. I continued doing things around the house and glanced at the clock again and it was not 3:15. I did more things and went back to the kitchen to see the time. At that point my head was beginning to tingle. The clock said 2:55. I know time sometimes moves slowly, but it does not stand still. That is, of course, unless the clock battery died. Yep, the battery died. I looked at the clock in my den and it was 3:30. Fifteen minutes over due. That was why my head was burning. I quickly washed off the dye and was glad to see that I still had hair on my head. Next time I will check two clocks.

In Those Days

You know you are getting old when the words "in those days" infiltrate your vocabulary. I used to think that expression was for old people and apparently I have become one of them. I didn't think that caring for a baby could have changed since I brought up my children, but it has. There are so many new items that are used. There are Boppy pillows, snuggle seats, pack and plays and no one uses baby powder. I find myself saying "in those days" when my kids show me how they do things. "In those days, we put a lot of baby powder on the baby when we diapered him". "In those days, we put the baby to sleep on his side with a rolled up blanket supporting his back". "In those days, we heated the bottles in a pot of hot water and dropped a bit on our wrist to see if it was hot". Truth be told, in those days we brought up wonderful children.

The Storyteller

I am blessed to have parents who are almost 90. I am more blessed that they still have all of their faculties. Last night I played Mah Jongg, as I have done for the last 28 years. One of the girls took out her iPad to show us something special. It was a recording of her father, who is 96 years old, telling stories about his youth. He was reminiscing about when he was 16 and worked for a butcher. We sat there mesmerized, listening to every word he said. He never once stopped to regain a thought. His story flowed and was very detailed. As I watched him, I was comparing him to my father. He also tells stories of his youth, in vivid detail. My friend had filmed her father in "interview" style. We could have listened to him tell stories all night. The family history that he was sharing is priceless. It was from a time when life was hard, but also simple. I was so glad that she shared this gift with us.

Changing Of The Guard

Today at noon we are having a pizza party. It is a party to say goodbye to last years interns and welcome to this years. We will have a lot of pizza and a lot of fun. The other thing that the interns will have is an education on how my office runs. I will politely inform them of my rules. The first one is that even though you are the doctor, without the front staff's cooperation, you will not have an easy year. Rule number one is that when you come in every day, your first stop is the front office, where you will say hello and ask how everyone is. This is a common courtesy and is expected of you. You are not to walk by and run into your office. You are to speak to the front staff the same way you speak to the other doctors. We are all the same here. If you are upset about something, tell us. More likely than not, we can help you. Our jobs may differ, but we are all the same. They will learn very quickly that the front office is the gate keeper. We can make it easy or difficult. Your attitude towards us is the determining factor. In the 10 years that I have managed the office, everyone has listened to my rules and has had a wonderful year. They are sad to leave because they know it will be hard to find another office that will be so caring towards them. They start as interns, but leave as friends.

The Cut Off

I was walking down my block on Saturday and saw an elderly neighbor walking up his driveway. I guessed his age to be over 80, as he was in his late 50's when I moved in 30 years ago. He was holding a walker and slowly shuffling from the street  into his driveway. One foot at a time was gingerly placed in front of each other and then there was a pause for a few seconds as he steadied himself. I did not want to start a conversation because I was on my way home and the conversation would have been a long one. He would reminisce, as usual, about how the block was when his sons were kids. I stopped walking a few houses away and decided to wait until he got to his front door. That way I could say a quick hello as I passed. After a few minutes, he was at his doorway and I walked by and greeted him. That is when I realized where he was walking from. His car. He had just parked his car and was walking into his house. That was a scary thought. How does this man, who can barely walk and coordinate his legs, drive. At what age should the government access driving skills. If he walked that slow, would he also be that slow when he needed to put his foot on the brakes. I still have that picture in my mind.

The Drive By

I am a big fan of the "drive by". It is a proactive move that is always helpful. Basically to "drive by" means to visit the place you are going, in advance, so you will not be lost or late when you need to go there on the actual day. This tactic has helped me with job interviews, doctor's appointments and lectures. It may take a bit of extra time, but it is well worth it. My children use the drive by method and are always thankful. Nothing is worse than having to be somewhere on time and wandering around looking for your destination. Even with GPS or MapQuest, things go wrong. Yesterday morning I did a drive by to Speno Park. It was town pride day and I was not sure if it had been postponed due to the rain the day before. Instead of getting dressed and ready for the day, I got in my car and drove 1/2 mile to the park. Lo and behold, the event was cancelled. I could now make alternate plans. Once again, the drive by came through.

Happy Speno Day

It's Speno Day, otherwise known as town pride day. Although this town has been around since 1655, town pride day has only been celebrated for about 25 years. I remember taking my children to the celebration and in a few years I will take my grandson. A majority of the business in the town will set up booths and give away either food or small items. Last year I ate so much cotton candy that I made myself nauseous. I plan on doing the same thing this year. There is never "too much" cotton candy, as far as I am concerned. I will eat all other food concoctions within a two hour span. Years ago Kenny Rogers served chickens but they have since gone out of business. I will have to settle for mini bagels with cream cheese and butter, dirty water hot dogs, ices, cotton candy and hopefully pizza. One year I even won a tee shirt. No matter how old I get, I will never be too old for Speno Day!

Shake It Up

I have a new favorite hamburger restaurant. It is called The Shake Shack. I have been going there since it opened a few months ago. They have delicious thick shakes in specialty flavors, but nothing compares to their hamburgers. They actually look like they do in the picture. Most restaurants have a picture of the menu item and when it arrives at your table it looks like a poor relative of the original. Not so at The Shake Shack. The curly lettuce is actually curly. It is neatly put into a paper sleeve, which makes it easy and neat to eat. When you take the first bite, you are hooked. It is the kind of hamburger that you eat slowly, just to make it last longer. I paired it with their fries. They were also the best I ever had. Crisp on the outside and a perfectly soft consistency on the inside. The only down side of eating there is that there are not enough tables for the volume of people waiting to order, so you need to be a bit patient and within a few minutes a table will open up. I feel like I am writing a restaurant review, but that is how much I enjoyed the experience.

Cultural Gift

I hate to lump people together culturally but the reality is that people from different cultures are different. Their temperaments, their views and even their work ethics. Yesterday, my sister received a beautiful gift from one of her Japanese students. The student was a woman in her 70's who was taking a GED course. My sister called me and said to come over and see the gift, but she wouldn't give me a hint as to what it was. I walked into her house and headed towards the den, when I saw it. It was a portrait of my sister in oil paint. I have seen many people's portraits over the years, but none like this one. The attention to detail was startling. Every wisp of hair, every fold of skin, every facial shading was so exact. It was almost scary. It was a twin of my sister, almost lifelike, hanging on her wall. I kept repeating, "Wow" until it seemed silly, but that was the only word that I could find to express my feelings. My sister said that the attention to detail in the painting is the kind of attention to detail that Japanese people pay to everything.

Loud and Clear

For the past year I have watched a middle aged woman walk her dog in front of my house. She walks him along the strip of grass near my tree. A few months ago, I decided to tell her in a nice way, that I did not want her dog making on my grass. I told her we put chemicals down that could be harmful to her puppy. She veered away from my grass for a couple of weeks, but now she is back. I think that it is terrible that someone has their dog relieve itself on someone else's property. What if I had small children that played there? Last week I could not take it anymore and did something totally out of character. I was in my older son's old bedroom looking out the window when she walked by. Her dog stopped and made on my lawn. She picked up the "poop" but the pee soaked into the lawn, as usual. I opened the window and shouted out like a fishwife. I said ," Stop letting your dog make on my lawn. I pay my gardener a lot of money to have it look good and I don't need you ruining it! I am going to come out and follow you home to see where you live and have my dog pee on your lawn, if I ever see you stop here again!" She looked up at me and then ran. For the last few days, as she approaches my house, she pulls her dog and runs to the next house. I hope she continues that.

Cashing In

I have a few credit cards that offer rewards. When I received my bills yesterday, I saw that the points had accrued to a large amount and I decided to call Citicard and redeem them. I called the number on the bill and gave my information. The lady said she needed to transfer the call. I was connected to a second woman and I gave her the information. She said I needed to be transferred again. By the time I got to the third person, I was about to hang up. I gave the information again and she asked what type of rewards plan I was in. I had no idea. She said to look on the card and on page three it would say the plan. I looked and looked and did not see any plan name. Then I said the only words I see are "Thank You" and my ID number. She said that was the plan name. I said that I just thought they were being polite and thanking me for my business. After more than 20 minutes I redeemed my points by putting the money back into the card as a credit. Now I know why I waited so long to do this. It can only be done if you have the time and patience for it.

Comedy or Commentary

While flipping through the television channels last night, I came upon a new reality show called "Long Island Princesses". I do not know if I was more embarrassed watching it, or more in pain. It was a caricature of young Jewish women. At least I hope it was, because if it was real, they should be ashamed of themselves. The premise of the show is that these young women are almost 30 and not married. Their parents don't know why. Here is my suggestion. Watch the show a few times and the reasons will be crystal clear. They are whiny, drink too much and have their priorities out of whack. One girl cannot possible walk out of the pedicure salon without her heels, so she has the store owner carry her. If I was the owner, I would have let her sit there until her bladder was full and then she would have to get off her behind and walk. In another scene, one of the girls actually said, "My faclemptness is making me schvitz". Oh, yes, she really did say that. The most shameful scene was when one of the girls, who is Kosher, was coming to a barbeque at her friends home. The girl asked her father if the food he was cooking was Kosher and he said it was not, but the friend would never know. He then said a few Hebrew words and declared, "Now it is Kosher". Really? He didn't just do that, did he? I had nightmares all night about this. Please, bring me the Jersey Shore kids. We need some "class" in this show.

Two Out Of Three

Yesterday, my parents met their great grandson for the first time. He has been out of the hospital two weeks and is ready for visitors. My parents have three great grandchildren and now they have met two out of three. They will meet the third one on June 29. I am still getting used to thinking of myself as a grandparent. I do not feel old enough (although I am), I do not think I look old enough (although that is a matter of opinion) and I cannot believe that my children have their own children. Years ago, when I used to go to holiday dinners at my in laws, my mother in law, who loved pictures, always wanted to have  a family photograph. She used to say "let's take a picture of four generations of men and four generations of women". I used to laugh to myself when she said that. It sounded so silly. What sounded silly then, makes perfect sense now. When I am with my family and see my great niece, my granddaughter and my grandson, nothing seems more important than a picture of  "four generations of men and four generations of women".

Flip Flop Sale

I was in Old Navy yesterday for their 30% sale. I love their casual style clothes and for some reason their flip flops are the only ones that do not annoy my toes. They had a big variety hanging on the wall with their usual sign stating 2 for $5. In tiny print is $3.94 for 1. I took 2 pairs and went to check them out. They came up as $2.76 each without tax. I said that the sign said 2 for $5. The girl said that she was taking 30% off of the regular price so it was still a sale. I said that she was wrong. If the regular stated price is 2 for $5 and the sign is up, they need to sell the flip flops at that price. The 30% sale should not be more than the regular stated price. She kept saying that I was getting 30% off. Since it was only a 26 cent difference and I wanted the flip flops, I just paid 52 cents more. The part that bothered me was that the cashier didn't understand that the 30% off made the item more expensive.