Bye Bye, So Long, Get Out

Today is Dr. Crazy's last day in my office. She finally dug herself a hole so deep that there was no turning back. This morning we will give her back all of her paperwork and anything else that "belongs to her". One person is assigned to do the hand off and will have a checklist that will be signed. This way we cannot be accused of having anything of hers. I do not think that things will end today though. She will still call and accuse us of some kind of wrong doing. We have lists of what we are doing so we will be protected. My boss is so paranoid that she is even giving her the new computer since just deleting files is not good enough. Now that she is gone, things will turn back to normal, but not back to the way they were. There is a difference. Normal means mainstream functioning. That can be returned to. The way things were will never come back. We saw for two years that our boss did not have our backs and we will never forget that.

Pollen

Even though they are tiny spores, they are invading my head. This year the pollen is horrible. I have never been an allergic person but for some reason I am affected terribly since the trees have bloomed. At first I thought I was getting a cold or possibly strep throat, that is how bad I feel. I went to the doctor and was told that everything looks good but it is allergy season. My throat is swollen and painful. I can barely swallow. I am taking over the counter medicine and hoping for the best.

Sleeping Baby

My father has slept over at my house again this weekend. I feel like a mother watching a baby. I tucked him in last night at about 9pm. I have since sneaked into the room a few times to make sure he is okay. I remember doing this with my children. I just need to make sure that he is comfortable and sleeping like a baby.

Status Quo

My sister is home from her vacation. She was so glad to hear that everything here was status quo. The small ups and downs of the week all settled out and my father is no worse for the wear. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. The team is back to full force.

One More Day

Tomorrow at this time my sister will be home from her vacation. I have been holding down the fort since last week. It was a quiet week for the most part, but I am glad she will be back. I worried that if my father did not feel well, I would not have the extra support that I am used to. Of course I have my own family but it is not the same. She is the other half of the sister team and together we have the strength of a hundred people.

Thursday

It's Thursday and that means that my sister will be home in 48 hours. I know that I can handle anything alone but it is easier knowing that I have a support system. I need to know that there are people that stand behind me with strong arms in case I fall. As the years are going by, my "legs" are getting weaker and I need to be held up more. That is when you look around and see who the pillars in your life are.

$9 Peace of Mind

Yesterday I did something totally out of character. I paid extra for something that I did not have to. My car is in the shop to have the bumper repaired from when the snow plow hit it. The town took responsibility for it and is giving me 3 days for a rental car. We all know that our auto insurance covers a rental car in full and extra insurance is not necessary.The rental car representative reviewed that with me. then he went on to say that if I bought the extra policy, which he again said was unnecessary, if there was an accident it was totally Enterprise's problem. I walk away. No calls to my insurance. No liability. I can bring a car back in pieces and I walk away. With all of the pressures in my daily life, his offer sounded nice. I hopefully will not have an accident in the three days I will be renting a car, but there is always Murphy's law. For $27, I have 100% peace of mind. I added the $27 onto the bill and walked away at ease.

Facts

I spent the weekend with my father, as usual. We were discussing family history and he remembered a great deal of it. He even remembered things that I did not. A few of the details in his recollections were off by a bit. I corrected him with the actual facts. Then I thought to myself, why am I correcting him? These were the facts as he is remembering them and even if they are off a bit, it doesn't matter. By correcting him, I am just reinforcing that his memory is not like it used to be and that he is changing. There is no reason to make a 95 year old man feel inferior in any way. Sometimes facts have no real bearing on life. Whether a car was $8000 or $14000 means nothing. The true value is that I can still hold a meaningful conversation with my father.

Extra Ears

I was sitting in my living room with my father yesterday, going over what he needed to take home with him. I asked him if he had enough matzo. He said "what" and I repeated "matzo". The conversation then went, matzo, what, matzo,what, matzo, matches?, matzo, mattress?. With each "matzo" my volume increased and the final "matzo" decibel could have broken the sound barrier. All of a sudden I hear my Alexa machine piping in. The machine is on another floor 40 feet away. She decided to put on the radio because that is what she thought I asked for with all of my yelling. So here I was, talking to a human who could not hear, being answered by a machine that should not hear.

Happy vs Merry

Today is Easter so people will be wishing each other a Happy Easter. At Christmas time people wish each other a Merry Christmas. Why is Christmas merry while all other holidays are happy? I tried to look up the answer and there are a lot of definitions for happy being an emotion and merry being a state of being. After reading a few differing opinions, I came to my own conclusion. We say it because that is how we learned to say it.

Lost

Being lost is a terrible feeling. It is bad enough being lost while driving in a car. It is worse being lost while traveling in an unfamiliar area by foot. Since my sister is going away this morning, I decided to have my father stay in Brooklyn last night and I will be getting him early this morning to have Passover dinner and sleep over. That meant that I needed an aide to be with him yesterday. His regular aide could not stay so another aide was hired for the day. It was a last minute change for her and instead of going to my father's house and taking a cab to dialysis, she was told to meet him there. The location of dialysis is on the other side of the borough and traveling there is not easy. She took a few buses and a train and was totally lost. I have never met her since she is a one day replacement but I had her telephone number. When I called her to see where she was, I could hear her voice quivering, almost in tears. She said that she had been traveling for hours and was so discouraged as she had no idea where she was. I asked her for the street she was on and I knew how to get her to the correct address. I told her I would stay on the phone with her until she got there and walk her through it. Together, we walked block by block with me asking if she passed Walgreens, then the bank, then the Outback restaurant. As she was walking past Auto Zone, I told her that the next building was the dialysis center. She was so relieved. She arrived just as my father was finished and walking out. It took a team to get her there but she arrived safely.

Called Out

As we wind up the reign of terror that Dr. Crazy has put us through, my staff is getting bolder. Since the doctor has not paid her April rent, they feel that they no longer work for her. All of us will not do anything for her unless our boss has approved it. She wanted us to stamp her mail and the girls told her she could not use a stamp unless I said it was okay. I told her it was not. I then instructed the staff to unplug the mail meter when they left so that the postage could not be used without our knowledge. My bookkeeper was the boldest of us all. The doctor came over to thank her for all of her hard work over the last two years. My bookkeeper answered her by saying, "If you think I did such a good job, why did you write nasty emails to the boss saying how incompetent I was? I do not want to talk to you anymore. I no longer work for you". The doctor was stunned as she had never been called out for her terrible behavior before. She tried to defend herself but was told that nothing she could say mattered anymore. She and the staff  are now equals and the playing field is level, so anything goes.

Just Be Thankful

My boss is going on vacation today. When I left the office yesterday, I told her to have a good time. She looked at me and said, "How much fun can I have, I'm going with my mother". Her mother is 91 and still alert. She walks on her own without assistance. For some reason, her statement rubbed me the wrong way, as I no longer have a mother living on this Earth. I responded by saying that she should count her blessings that she still has a mother to travel with and that I would give anything to have my mother here for just one more day. Another worker chimed in that her mother is also 91 but has dementia and she too would love one more day with her mother prior to the dementia setting in. My boss said that she had not though about it that way as she has taken for granted the fact that she has what other people long for. She then said that she will have a great time on vacation.

The Small Things

It is never the big things that get us, it is the small ones. We can all see a large truck in the roadway but will never notice the slight crack in the pavement. The small crack is what can be your downfall. That is why self awareness is so important. We focus on the big and bold and let the small and inconspicuous fall to the wayside. Many criminals have learned that the hard way. They can do the biggest heist in history, but leave behind some DNA on a cup. Be aware of the small things in life or they will get you in a big way.

Showdown at the OK Corral

After years of filing our charts in broken drawers, we finally had new custom cabinets installed yesterday. The old ones were ripped out and put into the lobby until they will be broken up and put into the dumpster. A maintenance worker saw them in the lobby and called the management company. The head putz came down to see what was going on. I never understood why the man has to wear a big cowboy hat. It looks like a Stetson 100 gallon hat. Doesn't he know that he is in New York? The first time I saw him in it, I laughed and thought it was a fluke. He has worn a cowboy hat every day since. Maybe he has no hair or a square head. He stormed into the office to say that the old cabinets had to be removed from the lobby immediately. Our cabinet installer said fine. He would cut them into small pieces and put them into one of the dumpsters. Since this is a condo building my boss pays part of the fees for the dumpster. The cowboy said that the cabinets could not be put there. Our worker said that he did not have anywhere else to put them and they would fill about 1/4 of the dumpster space and there are two dumpsters so it would take up minimal space. The hat man insisted that he would not allow this. I think he was mad because he likes his own people to do any work that goes on in the building. Kickbacks maybe? Our guy had to them cut them up, fill his truck and take it to a local dump where there would be a dumping fee. Was all of this nastiness really necessary? I hope that the cowboy's hat flies off his head in the next wind and lands in the middle of the roadway.

The Sun Shined

After charting the weather for a week, the unveiling was yesterday. The forecast was for rain and clouds all day. Our only hope was for it to stay dry for the half hour time span that we would be in the cemetery. As we drove up, the clouds parted and the sun shined through. The entire time we were there saying our prayers the weather was beautiful. It was like a hot summer day. We even left our jackets in the car. At one point two planes flew overhead as if they were saluting her. The day went well.

Unveiling

This morning is my mother's unveiling. The immediate family will meet at the cemetery and unveil her headstone. It will be an upsetting day especially for my father. My sister and I have been to the cemetery to visit her a few times so we have already seen the monument. Seeing it for the first time was sad. It had us think that in the ground lay the body of our beloved mother. We know that her soul is in heaven.

Seesaw

There are two words that I have learned go together. The words elderly and patience. I keep reminding myself that my father is changing and that I need to change with him. As he gets more forgetful, I must get more mindful. As he gets more agitated, I must get calmer. I must treat our relationship like a seesaw. I need to make the adjustments to keep the plank level. A little more weight here and a little less weight there. It needs to be a pleasant ride.

Red Cement

I was dreaming about my parents house last night. I was a child in the little plastic swimming pool, splashing around. I could smell the scent of the cool hose water against the hot summer air. I looked down and saw the red cement. It was not actually red, it was pink, but the term for it was red cement. It was popular in the 1950's and 1960's. It was allowed in store fronts in New York City, if you had a permit for it. People carved scrolled designs into it to look fancy. In a way it was a predecessor to the paver blocks we use now. I have no idea where that thought came from. It was so random. It must have been hiding in a brain fold that contains happy childhood memories.

Clean Slate

It is 6:28 am and the day has a clean slate. I have no idea where it will bring me. Yesterday from the first moment I opened my eyes, until the last moment I closed them, there were issues. Some were resolved and some were put to rest until a later date. After I fell asleep, I had odd, jumbled dreams. My subconscious mind was running rampant. As I sit here writing, I am enjoying a few moments of peace and quiet waiting to see how the new day will unfold.

Taking Responsibility

At what point do you take responsibility for your own life? For the past week, I am seeing how my boss is pushing off her responsibility when it comes to the monetary issues she is now having as the crazy doctor leaves our office. No matter how many times and by how many people she is told that the bank account is correct, she is still questioning it. How about getting off your ass and getting into the trenches and adding things up for yourself? It is getting tiring showing someone something that they do not comprehend.

Banking 101

There is a saying that things get worse before they get better. Dr. Crazy is leaving by May 31 and she is making sure that my staff will be mentally broken down by then. You know things are bad when they are smoking ecigarettes inside the office to calm down. I will draw the line when a bottle of bourbon appears. Yesterday the entire morning staff spent their time "finding" $2400 that the doctor said was missing. It was not. She just has no idea about banking and ledgers. Three people reviewed the "problem" and came to the same conclusion. The doctor is a moron. I will break down the dilema:

You deposit $24,000.
You write checks for $1,300
You have bank fees for $700
A patient check bounced for $400.

Now the doctor goes to the bank to withdraw $24,000 and is told the account only has $21,600. She is aghast. How could this be? Where is my money? She emails my boss, who calls the bookkeeper, who begins to cry and smoke, who alerts me, who involves the crazy lady's assistant. We had to make spread sheets and write letters to prove that the account balance was correct. All of this work and effort for nothing. Learn to balance your checkbook and there would have been no discussion.

On Call

When you have an elderly parent you are on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Whether it is for something serious or mundane, you are always accessible to them. Sometimes they do not know if something is serious, so they call you to err on the side of caution. This morning at 5:42 am my phone rang. It was my father. As long as I heard his voice I was calm. That was a good sign. He had a slight problem in the middle of the night which was probably a fluke but he wanted me to know about it. Why I needed to know at 5:42 am was anyone's guess. I think he just wanted reassurance. He is getting up to start his day and go to dialysis and sounded fine so I am not worried. Until otherwise told, everything is okay.

Gratuity

Call it a tip or a gratuity, the meaning is the same. It means showing someone they did a good job. It is not called an obligation. Last night, I ate at a local delicatessen with my father. A waiter came to take our order. As we each told him what we wanted, his response was a gruff, "I got it". We waited a bit and another person brought us our sandwiches. The waiter never returned to ask if everything was okay. When we were done eating, we needed two boxes for the extra food we wanted to take home. We sat and sat and the waiter was nowhere to be found. We finally caught the eye of the hostess. She got us the boxes and the check. Still no waiter. The hostess saw we were searching for him so she got the check and ran the credit card through. My husband asked me how much tip to leave. He wanted to leave the usual 20%. Why? What was I tipping for? A gruff "I got it?" I called over the hostess and asked if the waiter was in the witness protection program, since he disappeared. She said he decided to leave and go on a break and he was in trouble for other things he did that day too. I decided to leave only 10%, just in case the tips were pooled.

37 cents

Every Friday, I take my father to his favorite bagel store, Bagelicious. We each have a bagel, share 1/4lb veggie cream cheese and 2 small coffees. Normally the bill is a bit over $10.00. Yesterday it was $9.27. My father wanted me to put it onto his credit card and when I did I saw a 37 cent fee charged. I asked why and was told that it is an under $10 credit card surcharge. No other stores do that. In this day and age, credit card use is more common than cash. It would be better off saying no credit cards under $10 than to have me pay your fee. I called the owner this morning and told him that I, and other people I have spoken to, will no longer go to him. We will drive a few minutes down the road to Bagel Cafe, where they do not put a surcharge on your meal. If he did the math, the loss in business for lunches, breakfasts and catering orders will far surpass the fee money in his pocket. My one lunch a week is $10 x 52 weeks = $520 a year. About 1 in 4 lunches are under $10 so there would be a fee up to 39 cents. 39c x 12 = $4.68. He is losing a $515.32 a year customer profit by being cheap. Sometimes cheap is expensive.

Visit With Mom

Last night I had the loveliest visit with my mother. Of course, it was in a dream, but it felt so real. The family was in a resort hotel setting and my mother was just as she had been before her stroke. We talked and walked around the property. We sat in the hotel lobby. We held hands like we always did. She wanted a Coke so we went to the coffee shop but it was closed. Miraculously I found a can of Coke on a shelf, so I gave it to her. She was walking with a cane, so I had my hand on her back as we walked. There was one other person who appeared in the dream with her. It was my Aunt Anne, her sister. She died 20 years ago and I have not though about her in the longest time. She walked everywhere with us. When I rethought the dream, I realized that my mother and my aunt were both dressed in white. Everyone else wore colored clothes. Were they 2 angels visiting me through my dreams? All I know is that when I woke up, I felt as if I had spent the most wonderful day with my mother. It felt and still feels real.

The Art of Lying

I sometimes wonder why someone would lie when they know that everyone else knows the truth. There was a huge argument in work yesterday between Dr. Crazy and her assistant. She accused her assistant of lying but everyone knows that was not the case. The doctor had given her clear instructions,in front of everyone including me, to do a task. The assistant questioned the task in detail to make sure that she heard it correctly. She then did as she was asked. The doctor then turned around and claimed she never said that. Her assistant argued that there were witnesses to the original conversation and the doctor still denied saying it. The funny part is that when I heard the request, I thought that my boss needed to be notified, so I immediately texted her. We have a text with a time stamp on it to prove when it was said. The doctor still is denying it. She is certifiably crazy, which is even scarier since she is a psychiatrist.

On a Roll

Why is it so hard for someone to change the toilet paper roll? People seem to have a strategy when it comes to doing that. Normally someone uses a few squares to clean themselves. Let's use 10 as a base number. When the roll starts to dwindle, it is decreased to 7. As the roll gets almost to the cardboard, it goes down to the amount that looks like there is still paper on it, but there is not enough for one use. This forces the next user to put in a new roll. Yesterday, in both work and at home, I was the one to change the roll. It is not a big deal, but it just irks me that that task was left for me when it was clearly the job of the previous person.

Two Nods and a Yes

Yesterday one of our regular patients came up to the reception window to speak to me. She said that she was thinking of a conversation we had weeks ago and wanted to update me on her thoughts. I had no idea what conversation she was talking about. We usually discuss the weather or television shows. She began to discuss the education system and how children learn and none of this sounded familiar. I did not want to be rude so I tried to look like I was in the conversation with her. Every few sentences that she said, I followed with a "Yes". After that I would nod and would put my hands up like I was saying "Do you believe that?" I then did a few "Uh huh's" and wrapped it up with a few head shakes. When her doctor came to get her for her appointment, she said that she was so glad we were able to go into more depth with our thoughts. I said , "Yes it was". I still have no idea what we were speaking about,but as long as she does not know that all is well.

Dinner

It is 6am and the day has not started yet but I am already thinking of what I will make for dinner. I have probably prepared over 11,000 dinners. It has become a chore to figure out what I will serve each night. I have the rotation of chicken, beef, pork and fish. The fifth day is a wild card. The weekends belong to a restaurant or take out. How many ways can you make chicken before the thought of chicken turns you off? I think I have reached my creative limit. Tonight will be pork. I have no idea how it will be cooked or what goes with it, but as I leave for work it is sitting in the refrigerator defrosting. Maybe by the time I come home it will have cooked itself. Wishful thinking.