Culinary Identity

Culinary identity is knowing who you are culturally through food. I don't know if I just drummed up this phrase, but I cannot think of another way to express myself. Last night my family got together for a Rosh Hashanah dinner. My grandchildren were there. They are being brought up with two religious/cultural backgrounds. One is Italian and the other is Jewish. Food plays a very important role in both. Sunday family dinners are filled with delicious pastas, sauces and meats and reflect the Italian traditions. The Jewish side takes place around the holiday table. Last night's dinner was culturally perfect. The dinner included chicken, brisket, vegetables, potatoes and mushroom barley. All staples on the holiday table. The first course consisted of the one food that people identify most as Jewish, matzo ball soup. It was the most delicious matzo ball soup that I have ever had and I will try to recreate it. Here is where culinary and culture mix. I sat next to my grandson and he started to eat the soup. He has had it before and knows that it relates to his Jewish side. After eating one bowl and asking for more, he turned to me and said, "Grandma, on my next sleepover can we make this soup and have it for dinner instead of eating out"? I said of course we can and we will. Each holiday will reinforce, through foods, where his ancestors came from. It is so subtle but so important.

A Way

There is always a way to do something if you think about it. This morning I wanted to frost my hair but it was too short for the frosting cap. I thought about how I could get more dye on some hairs and less on others. Then I came up with the perfect solution. I would put the dye on my hair then run a comb through it to take off every other line. Genius! If it came out good, I would look great. If it came out bad, I would look like a freak. Good thing that I am at the age where looking like a freak doesn't scare me. It turned out nice. I found the way.

Fast Track

We have put our lives on a fast track. We do not have the patience for waiting. We call ahead at restaurants. We hail taxis through a website. We go to urgent care instead of waiting at our regular doctor's office. This morning I downloaded an app to sign in at my hairstylists while I am still at home eating breakfast. We want to breeze in and be taken care of instantaneously. Most people need the extra time in their day for scrolling social media.

Half Trained

One of our office staff left us to start her PhD degree. She was in charge of an independent study that my office is involved in. It was totally separated from our practice. When she knew she was leaving, she said that no one could replace her as she is so qualified. She hired a very bright woman to take over. She said that the woman was fully trained but we never thought so. After one month of being in school, the new woman is doing a good but not perfect job. The director called back the original girl to come work part time and help out. She is now saying that she was right, no one can replace her. The people in the office feel otherwise. We think that she purposely did not train her replacement correctly, so she would be needed again.

Soup

I used to say that old people love to eat soup. I think I am officially old. I now love soup. I not only love eating it, I love making it. I am amazed how many things I can put into a pot of boiling water to make a delicious meal. Yesterday I chose cabbage. I added mushrooms, onions, garlic, carrots, tomatoes, beans and meat. I simmered for almost 2 hours and when it was done, I ate such a big bowl that I think I am still full one day later. Since I had leftover soup, this morning I put it into the blender to make bisque. Now I will have a wonderful lunch.

The Table

When you have a question, throw it on the "table". The only "table" I used to have was at Mah Jongg, but now I have a "table" at work. The table is an open forum. It is a place to vent and discuss. Most problems can be solved there. If they are not solved, at least you have more awareness. When you throw an issue on the table, it means you are open for other people's opinions and insights. The table never judges, it just listens and evaluates. You can still have your opinion, but it is a more informed one.

Shake It Up

I have started a new health regimen. I want to be healthy but not fanatical. I have been making a morning smoothie and for some reason I am not hungry all day. It is made with almond milk, honey, a banana, some raspberries and a teaspoonful of matcha tea powder. It tastes great and seems to help my stomach look flatter. I eat a regular lunch and dinner. I will give it a few weeks and see if the results last.

Extinguish The Behavior

In psychology there is a concept of extinguishing the behavior. It means that you make it clear that the bad behavior will no longer be tolerated. It is the end of the road where no more chances will be given. Sometimes it is as easy as no longer answering the phone. Sometimes it is harder by calling someone's bluff. Either way, things cannot go on as they had before and it is made very clear what will happen.

I Told You So

I hate to be the type of person that says I told you so. Throughout my life people have come to me for advice and I think that for the most part I have given them sound advice. I am a sensible and cautious person, so I try to guide someone else to do what I do. I have never steered anyone wrong. When the person doesn't listen and gets themselves in a mess, I never comment. They know what I an silently thinking. I told you so. Lately I have stopped giving advice. I am playing dumb when people ask for my opinion. I feign ignorance and tell them to do what they think is correct. When things go bad, it still comes back to me. They ask me why I didn't intervene if I saw trouble brewing?

Better Care

Yesterday I picked my father up from Brooklyn and we drove back to Long Island. I brought in a sandwich for us to share for lunch. We ate it all and then went to sit in the living room and read. That is our usual routine. He reads, naps, reads, naps. After a few naps, we had a funny conversation. He said that if he knew he was going to live this long, he would have taken better care of himself. I looked at him and laughed. He is 96 years old. He still walks, talks, eats and has a better memory than I do. He never exercised and ate salty foods his whole life. He totally disregards the menu he has been advised to eat from the dialysis center. The people that eat healthy and exercise regularly die at an earlier age than 96. Maybe in the long run, better care is no care.

Losing Time

I no longer know the time in years. I have forgotten "how many years ago" events were. The events are clear, but what year they took place in is vague. Did something happen in 2014 or 2015 or 2017? I would need to think hard and count back to get the answer. When I was younger, the answer was on the tip of my tongue. I guess I had less years to look back on.

Surprise Visit

For the past week I have been thinking about one of the young doctors that had worked at my office. She left us about six years ago and opened her own practice. I was telling one of my receptionists about her the other day and we even looked up her website. Her office is in Suffolk county about 30 miles away. I used to be close with her, but for some reason we lost touch. Yesterday I was sitting in  the front office when  young girl walked in. It took a moment to realize that it was her. She brought a platter of cookies for us. I was so surprised as I was thinking of calling her this week to see how she was. She never came to visit before because she thought she would be unwelcome as she left mid contract. Most of the other doctors she worked with are no longer there. She stayed a while and waited to see my boss, who was thrilled to see her. We promised each other we would not lose touch again.

Bricks

When we are young we build our lives like we build a house, brick by brick. The bricks make the foundation for the future. You want to make it sturdy so it can bear the weight if things turn stormy. You spend many years safe and secure in your fortress. As we age, we feel the weight of the bricks upon us. We downsize. As each brick is taken off, we feel relieved. The weight of the world is literally coming off of our shoulders.

Survey

Why do I need to take a survey? At the end of many phone calls, I am asked to stay on the line to take a brief survey. If I have spent an hour on hold why in the world would I want to continue hanging on to answer your questions.You have already wasted a part of my day and I need to move on and continue what I was doing. Why doesn't the company just try to call itself and see how they are doing?

Family Reunion

Yesterday I went with my father to the cemetery to visit my mother. Before my sister and I drove him back home, we passed by to pray for her and remember the wonderful life she had. My father was not sure if he could do this as it is too heart wrenching for him. He realized that if he did not go, it would make him sadder in the long run. When we arrived at the cemetery, it was crowded with funerals so we decided to walk to her gravesite instead of driving to it. We walked the 2 blocks and saw a car approaching and then stopping. The people got out to visit their loved ones.We arrived at her site a minute later and as expected, my father broke down in tears. He was so distraught that my sister and I walked away for a moment to let him have some private time with my mother. As we did that, we heard a voice call my father's name. Walking towards us was my cousin and her family. She was always my father's favorite great niece. The tears dried up and were replaced with a smile. We talked for a while and she said that this is not her usual time or day of the week to come see her mother, my father's niece, who lived in his house prior to his marrying my mother. I just knew that my mother set the timing for the visit, knowing that my father would need to be relieved of his sorrow, if only for a short time. I looked up at the sky and said, "Thanks Mom". At that instant my phone rang with the special ringtone song that usually plays in my car when I need a sign that my mother is with me. It was a call from an unknown number and when I answered it no one was there. My sister then put her hand in her pocketbook to find something and a dime fell into it. That is her sign from my mother. Here is the question: Were these coincidences or signs from above that she is watching over us? I am 100% sure of the answer.

Health

I am becoming a witch doctor. I have decided to take my health into my own hands. Of course I am still taking the prescription medications that my doctors have given me, but I am also adding in a few mixes of my own. My stomach has been a bit off lately so I am drinking a potion that I have mixed up and it seems to be working. After doing online research which is equivalent to a medical degree nowadays, I have concocted a mix that I like. It consists of chamomile tea, matcha tea, bitters and a bit homemade candied orange peel juice for flavoring. It tastes good and has all of the anti inflammatory ingredients for my stomach. So far, so good.

Waste Not

I have been watching videos on what to do with an item that you would normally throw away. They show everything from food scraps to egg shells to clothes being put to use in a different way. It is amazing to see the beautiful projects that garbage can produce. There are so many, that if I followed the tutorial I would have a house filled with junk, until I turned them into gold. I am trying to remember the best transformations and will try them for myself.

Micro Managing

I am a micro manager in work and at home. I do not do it to help you, I do it to help myself. If I do not oversee everyone else's responsibilities they will eventually turn into mine. When I make the mistake of loosening up the reigns, things get more out of hand. I learn my lesson and take back control. I have the misguided illusion that people can think for themselves and I am proven wrong time and time again. Maybe I just hang out with stupid people.

Management

I have been the manager of my office for almost 16 years. I still keep in touch with most of my employees. The reason is that I am a manager who understands situations and acts accordingly. Before I make a decision or pass a comment, I think of how my employee will feel. Yesterday one of my receptionists told me that her mother surprised her with a ticket to Miami for her birthday. She would need to be off 2 days. One day I will have a replacement the other I will not. She said she was so sorry that her mother did that because now it effects the office. I had 2 choices when answering. One was to reprimand her for leaving the office without help when her family knows her schedule. The other was to be excited for her and tell her to have a great time. I chose the latter. She is a great worker, has a future with my office and is very reliable. I was making an investment in her by being kind. She was so happy that I reacted as I did and said that she would never leave us short staffed again and would be available to help out anyone else on her days off. My rationale was that she had a plane ticket and she was going no matter what. Why ruin it for her?

Guilt

Sometimes we forget that putting ourselves first is not selfish. It is necessary. I see from how many of my patients react, that many times family and friends want them to act a certain way that might not be easy to do or even right for them. If they do not agree and do what is best for themselves, they are called selfish and made to feel guilty. The worst type of guilt is the kind that is placed on you unnecessarily. I have realized that if I do what is right for me, there will never be any guilt attached to it, even if it happens to be wrong for you.

Sechel

There is a Yiddish word "Sechel". It means common sense and using your brain. There was an incident in work this weekend where sechel would have come in handy. After a new receptionist is there a few weeks, I give her the key to the office and the alarm code and verbal instructions on how to lock up. My boss called me yesterday to ask who left the office open all weekend. When her private cleaner came Sunday morning, the door was not locked. I asked the Saturday receptionist if she walked out without locking the door. She said yes. I asked why. She said that someone else told her that a cleaning crew comes in after hours to clean the office so there was no need to lock up since they would only be opening up later on. I asked her if that made sense. If she left the door open, anyone in the building could come in and steal equipment from us. There could be a time span of hours from when she left and the cleaners arrived. She said she never thought about it because she was listening to someone who was there longer than her. Upon asking the other receptionist, I was told the same thing. How dumb were these two girls to leave a doctor's office open for anyone to pilfer? From now on, I guess I have to talk to people like they are idiots.

Full Mailbox

How many messages does it take to fill your telephone voicemail? I do not know the exact number but I do know how annoying it is. I would think that there has to be at least 20 messages before no more can be let in. I always feel that a full voicemail is like a messy house. It is a clutter of words.

Priorities

The words busy and priorities go hand in hand. If someone is too busy to help you out, it just shows where you fall on their list of priorities. I see this with children of elderly parents. My sister and I do everything in our power to make our father the number one priority in our lives. Nothing is too hard or too time consuming to do if it helps him out. Since my mother got sick, we have never once said no to anything that was asked of us. Truth be told, we volunteered to do even more than was asked. We do it with a full heart and a smile on our faces. In comparison, I have a friend whose elderly mother lives with her. She has a sister who always seems too busy to help out in even the smallest of ways. She has a "ne'er do well" husband who agrees with her selfish ways. The other day, I heard my friend tell her mother that her sister should rot in hell. If her sister had her priorities straight, those words would have never been uttered.

Tombstones

I was reading an article about funny tombstones. When you think of it, an inscription on a tombstone is a blurb that sums up your entire life. Most people just stick to name, date and family status. John Doe, 1920-1999, Husband, Father, Grandfather. Cut and dry, no room for thought. Some people choose to go the other route. They want to make people smile, think and wonder. Who was this person? Why were they special? They seem to want to evoke an emotion from beyond the grave. I began to think what I would want on my tombstone, if I wanted to stray from the usual etchings. I would like my inscription to read, "She was nice to everyone. Look where it got her".

My Eyes

I heard a song the other day that made me stop and think. The line that touched my heart was, "If you say my eyes are beautiful, it's because they're looking at you". I understood that line deep in my soul. That is how I feel when I look at my children and grandchildren. I see the miracle of each of them and I can actually feel the wonder in my eyes. They say the eyes are the window to the soul and I agree that what we take into them reflects what comes out of them. I want my windows to be clean and open. I never want them to be gray, foggy and closed. My children are too old to focus on my eyes as I look at them. My grandchildren are young enough to do it naturally. They look into my eyes and I can say their eyes are beautiful. It is because they are looking at me.

Child

At what point do we stop coddling our children? When does "your child" stop being treated like "a child'? I see this all the time when I interview parents that want their adult child to start treatment at my office. The children are over twenty years old but their parents still view them as people that cannot fend for themselves. They spend so much time worrying and micro managing, that their child cannot hone adult skills. If you constantly think for your child, they will never have the need to think for themselves. The worst offenders are the parents that stop their child from thinking independently. They cut them off in mid conversation, thinking that their words are more important. Occasionally I have to take a parent aside and point out that if they never let go and let their child think for themselves, they are crippling the person they want to help. I have even suggested that the parent needs therapy as they have created a situation that in some way fulfills their own needs.

Three Places

We all have our secret hiding spots. When something needs to be kept in a safe place, we choose one of them. I have one in my bedroom, one in my den and one in my kitchen. The spots are not meant to be for valuable items, they are meant to be for safe keeping. If I have something that I need to account for in the future without anyone throwing it away, I know where to stash it.

Traffic

Today all of the regular commuters will be talking about the "other" commuters. When the regular people sit in traffic, they will put the blame on the teachers. Today is the first day of school and the traffic pattern changes. As each person walks into my office, they will say that the teachers are back. The amount of cars traveling between 7am to 8am increases. That adds on travel time that makes people unhappy. Even though the calendar says otherwise, the summer is over.

In Between

Today is Labor Day. To me it is "in between" day. It is the place saver of seasons. It separates summer from the rest of the year. It is a not here not there day. We remember the wonderful days of our summer activities and look forward to the school and holiday season. The stores are almost done with school supplies as they hang witches and goblins from their windows. Is Easter far behind? I haven't worn pants since June but they are in my closet calling out to me. They know their time has come. I will go through today in an odd kind of mood.

Rest in Peace

Who made up the phrase "Rest in Peace?" We attribute that statement to death. Why can't we rest in peace and still be alive? When we go to sleep at night we are resting. When we have nothing on our mind, we are at peace. Why is the concept of resting in peace while alive so allusive? The answer is that as long as we are living we are never really at peace. We have daily problems or issues to resolve even if they have all become routine. We have jobs, family, bills and other assorted nonsense that we live with every day. When we lay our heads on our pillow at night, we know that when we wake up the same things will be there. There is no peace in the true sense of the word. So we just continue on our daily grind, waiting for the day we can rest in peace. It will be a well deserved respite.