Traffic

Yesterday I drove a total of 65 miles. I was in the car for over 3 hours. Most of the time I was idling, not driving. I watched as my speedometer became a sleepometer as it sat on 0. The same scene replayed three times. First on the Meadowbrook Parkway at 7am. Next on the Cross island Parkway at 2pm and last on the Belt Parkway at 8pm. There were no accidents, so I have no  idea why the traffic flow would just come to a halt. I wish that I could have flown above the traffic to see what was holding it up. I put on some music and just waited in line until things sped up. Things better move faster this morning. If I had the stamina to ride a bike 13 miles to work I would.

Long Day

Today will be a long day. I am getting ready for work and will then head to Brooklyn to see my parents. My life has taken a turn in the road and it will never be the same. It will not be a bad road, it will just be a different road. I need to learn the rules to navigate the journey. This trip does not come with a road map. It must be taken mile by mile and I need to remember to stop along the way and make time to acclimate to the new environment.

Half Gone

Half the summer is over and I have no idea where it went. I was in Babies R Us  the other day and Halloween outfits were already out. Why do the stores rush our lives away? It seems like all of the fun plans I had for the summer, have not been done yet. I went to the pool only a handful of times. I only went to one concert. I have not taken my vacation yet. I barbequed twice. How can I possible fit all of the events I planned into four more weeks? August will be a busy month as all of my special family plans are scheduled for then. I will try to stay away from the large retail stores as I am not yet ready to buy my Thanksgiving turkey.

Count Your Blessings

Last night I babysat for my grandson. Since Saturday evening is the one night of the week that I eat out, he came along. I do not look old but I do not look like I am the mother of a 3 month old baby. I strolled him into the restaurant and we were seated almost immediately. At one point the baby needed to be fed, so I took him out of the stroller and fed him as he sat on my lap. I heard the people behind me say he was so cute. After he was fed, I put him back in the stroller to sleep. At that point, two women came over to me. They looked about 60 years old. They said, "We just have to tell you that you are the luckiest people in the world". I said, "Thank you, we really are lucky". After they walked away, I thought about the meaning of what she said. Were we lucky to have such a beautiful child or did she think we were blessed because we had him "later in life"? I will never know the intent of her statement, but it was still a nice thing to say.

Pep It Up

During the summer, the county I live in offers free concerts in the park. Sometimes the artists are the real ones and other times they are local bands singing their hits. Last night the show was made up of two parts. The first part was disco. The singers were fantastic. They sang the most popular hits from the disco era and had the crowd dancing in the aisles. I saw people that looked like they could barely walk when they arrived, spinning and doing the "hustle" as soon as the music started. It was one hour of total enjoyment. There was a brief intermission and then the Motown review started. There were 8 instrumentalists and 4 singers, one male and three females. The music started and within the first minute, I thought that the sound was a bit off. It seemed flat and off key. Then the singing started. Again, something was off. The singers had no pep in their voices and sang the songs slower than they should have. Instead of "Stop!! In the name of love...", they sang "stooooop in the naaaame of loooove". The words were long and drawn out and almost painful. You couldn't dance or sing to the music because there was no rhythmic beat. After about a half hour, some of the crowd started to pack up and leave. I left a bit after that because I could no longer hear the songs I love sung in such an off key, slow manner. This band is playing at other parks next week. I hope they rehearse a bit more.

Fears, Worries and Concerns

This afternoon I am lecturing at a local university on the topic of "Fear". Most people use the word fear as a broad description of an emotion. In reality, what we feel more often than fear, is worry. Fear is an instinct. It is involuntary. It was "pre-wired" into humans as a survival skill. Fight or flight. Most of us feel fear less frequently than we feel worried. Worry is voluntary. It is a thought that hovers over you and gnaws at you. When all is said and done, the reality of the worry is far easier to handle than the thought of the worry itself. I have learned that lesson in the past few weeks. Humans are, by nature, survivors. When our worries become realities, we figure out the best way to deal with them.

Phone Problems

Today I will have to fire one of my employees. She is a smart girl who did her job well. She is being fired because she is not reliable. When I interview a job applicant I am very specific about being reliable and dependable. No matter how well you do your job, if you show up late, it doesn't matter. Yesterday she was scheduled for 3pm. At 3pm, she never showed up and never called. I had to call in a replacement at the last minute and was lucky to find someone. At 4pm, the girl called and said she had "phone problems". Today she will find out that she has "job problems".

Too Late

With unemployment being at an all time high, I do not understand applicant etiquette. For the past few years, when I schedule interviews I always agree upon a time that is good for the person applying for the job. I confirm the time as I hang up the phone. I go over directions to my office. They are clear cut and not hard to understand. That being said, I do not understand how someone can walk in late to an interview. I give a five minute "things can happen" excuse time, but that is it. If you arrive more than five minutes late, I will not interview you. If you are late to the interview, when you want the job, you will be late for the job when you have it.

The Coupon

My local Stop and Shop grocery sends out coupons every few weeks. They give a four week series that entitles you to a free item each week and $5 off your order of $50 or more. Since my son lives in the same neighborhood, he also receives the coupons but gives them to me. He does not shop there. As I was waiting to check out my order last Friday, I realized that I had two sets of coupons for the $5 off. The woman ahead of me had a large order so I asked her if she had a $5 off coupon. She said "no". I said "now you do". She said "thanks!". When the cashier finished her order and it was time to pay, she asked the woman if she had any coupons. The woman answered "no". No? I just gave you one. Then I thought that maybe within two minutes she forgot what I gave her. It was odd that she said no, as the coupon was only good for another day and the woman had such a large order that I did not think she would come back to the store for at least a few days. She bagged her groceries and as she was ready to walk away she turned to me and said "thanks so much, again, for the coupon". I will never understand people.

My Notebook

When a person has a new medical condition, it is like traveling in uncharted waters. Everything is new and confusing. There are many questions that need to be answered. When I went with my father to his surgeon last week, I took along a notebook. It was the kind we used in grade school. The old fashioned black and white composition notebook. I wrote all of my questions ahead of time in black ink and left ample space underneath each one for the answers. I brought along a red pen to use for writing the answers. When the doctor was with us in the exam room, I asked my questions and as he spoke, I wrote the answers in my book. The book would remain with my father, so if he needed to review the answer, it was right there. Nothing is worse than leaving the doctor's office and saying to each other, "What did he say"? Two days later we returned to the doctor for a follow up visit. After talking for a few minutes, the doctor looked at me and said, "Where is your notebook"? I took it out of my tote bag and was ready to write. He then looked at me and said, "How are you so organized"? I explained that I am the manager of a mental healthcare clinic that deals with OCD, so I know how annoying it can be to keep repeating a question to a doctor .I also told him that these are skills that I teach as a life coach. By having the notebook, I am organized and I ask once and have the answer forever. He then asked more questions about what I do and sat there listening intently to every word. He said he was so impressed with what I was saying. I laughed as I left his office. Here is a man that does vascular surgery into main arteries, and he was impressed with my notebook.

Not My Problem

As I get older, I get more tolerant. As I get older, I get less tolerant. It depends on the issue at hand. I am more tolerant for the elderly. I am more tolerant for children. I am more tolerant for daily living situations. I have realized with age that things that held great importance to me when I was young, were not really that important. I guess that is what the progression of life is all about. Aging is a learning process that never ends. As we learn more we do better. At 20 years old, I did 20. At 30 years old, I did 30. And so on and so on. As I knew better, I did better. I also learned along the way, that sometimes other people's problems must remain just that. Other people's problems. I have, or should I say had, a friend whose husband is moody and unpleasant. For over twenty years, our group of friends has catered to his moodiness. When we got together, we would ask each other, "Is it a good day or is it a bad one"? After one too many times of having "hello" grunted to me, I decided to walk away and never look back. Unfortunately, as I walk away from my friend's husband, I must also walk away from her. I have realized that he is not my family and I can no longer tolerate such poor behavior. Many others in my group of friends have done the same. Maybe when he realizes that he is the last man standing, he will go for help.

Ancestry

My family is of Russian decent. I knew three out of my four grandparents. The fourth died when my mother was a child. I remember my grandparent's accents and the intonation of how they spoke. When they came to America, they settled in Brooklyn. New York was where most immigrants arrived as it was a major port and screening was done at Ellis Island. My parents were born in America and I, as a second generation American, have lost part of my cultural background due to assimilation. Brooklyn is still a major area for Russians to settle, especially the southern part. Brighton Beach is called "Little Odessa" as it is by the ocean and most of the stores are Russian owned. If you walk through that neighborhood, you do not feel as if you are in America, as all of the store signs are in Russian. Since my father started his treatments, most of the caregivers are Russian. They are all kind and caring people. It takes a while to adjust to their accents when they give us information. It is funny that my parent's, being brought up listening to their parent's accents, are having a harder time understanding than I am. For some reason, I am comforted by these people. Maybe, in our time of need, we feel best when we go back to our roots.

Up and Out

I am up and dressed and getting ready to go back to Brooklyn. Today is a follow up visit for my father's procedure, his second dialysis treatment and a visit with a nutritionist. I will not return home until about 10pm. I have cried a lot in the past few days. Partly for my father and partly for myself. Since last week I have not had a minute of "down time". I have gone to work, gone to Brooklyn and babysat for my grandson. I am just so tired. The best way for me to release tension is to cry. Some people eat, some people exercise, some people scream and yell. I cry. It works for me. I am almost ashamed to complain about being tired. My father has been the one that has had surgery and dialysis. He has not complained once. I guess at 90 he is still the stronger person. As soon as I arrive in Brooklyn, I will but on my "take charge" face and be the one he can rely on.

Miracle Man

Yesterday was one of the best and worst days of my life. After years of kidney problems, the inevitable happened. My father is now on dialysis. It was the best day because we are lucky that dialysis is available. It was the worst because the prep to have the dialysis is grueling. To start the dialysis, a catheter needed to be inserted into his neck. After that, is was off to get a chest x-ray. Then we headed to the dialysis center where he had his first treatment. At almost 90 years old, he did miraculously. I do not think that a 20 year old could have held up better or with such a positive attitude. It was a tough day all around, but at least he will be on the road to a healthier life.

Tail Lights

I just came home from visiting my parents in Brooklyn. I was there overnight due to a medical reason which I will explain on my next blog. I am just too tired tonight. When I went to get onto the Belt Parkway, there was a backup for 1/2 mile just at the entrance ramp. I made a U turn and look local streets one exit further, but as I entered the parkway all I saw was a sea of red tail lights. Nothing is more frustrating. I sat at a standstill for 75 minutes, just to go almost one mile. The road began to move, but I still do not know what backed it up. Boy, am I glad to be home.

A New Normal

Everyone lives their lives with a certain normalcy. People's daily routine's follow a pattern that they are most comfortable with. I am the kind of person that likes a routine. I get up at the same time, leave for work at the same time and have meals at the same time. It works for me. There are others that like to mix things up each day. As they say, "Different strokes for different folks".

Cover Your Ears

My lead receptionist returns to work this morning after being off for a week. I am bracing myself. I did as much of her job as I could because the money needs to be tallied every day. The rest of her job is awaiting her. She will go through the ledgers and see errors. Not drastic ones, but annoying ones. Then the yelling will begin. There will be desk pounding, cursing and paper rumpling. I hope she had a relaxed vacation because her first day back will be a doozy. 

Children Know Best

My parents are at the age when they are ready to let my sister and myself take over the reigns. After 89 years of being at the helm, they are relinquishing power to the younger generation. We promised them that we would use sensible judgement, but they already knew that. They also have the power to veto the decisions. They are totally comfortable with this new arrangement. Even though  I am the younger generation to my parents, I am the older generation to my children. The other day my oldest son called me and told me where and when I was going on vacation. He decided that I was going to Cape Cod, the second week of August. He told me where I was staying and what I would be eating. He wants a family vacation with his family, us and his in laws. I am so glad he made that decision for me. I booked a room and am counting the days till then. Sometimes you just need your children to do the thinking.

Figuratively Speaking

I have a friend who goes to a doctor a few times a year. Some doctors are just more personable than others and build a rapport with their patients. This doctor always talks about his wife and how feisty she is. He says that in the office he is the boss, but at home she is the boss. He always says that his wife's favorite expression is, "If you don't do what I want, I will kick your ass". Every time he says that, he laughs. After years of going to this doctor, my friend found out why the doctor laughs when he says this. My friend met the doctor and his wife at a local store and was surprised to see that she was in a wheelchair. She has diabetes and had both legs amputated. When she says she will kick his ass, it is meant figuratively, but with love.

Coming Attractions

I went to the movies a few weeks ago. I do not go often as there are not many movies that peak my interest. I saw The Great Gatsby, and while it was a good movie, I liked the book better. Prior to the movie starting there were about 10 coming attractions. Each one was worse than the next. They all were loud and violent. As each one ran, I said to myself that I would never go to see it. Years ago they showed two maybe three coming attractions. Now, they show so many that you think the movie will never start.

Happy Birthday

Today is my husband's birthday. Lucky 7-11. I always joked with him that he has a lot of luck, mainly because he married me. Today he is 61 years old but could pass for his 40's. Kind of like Dorian Gray. Again, thanks to me. I take care of everything so he has no worry lines on his face. When I met him in 1979, Sky Lab fell out of orbit and landed on Earth on 7-11. That was a big event. He has been talking about retiring since he was 28 and in one more year it will be a reality. Where did the time go?

The Fashionista

My mother is a "Fashionista". She is 89 years old and still has the best sense of style. One of her favorite things to do is go shopping. TJ Maxx and Marshall's are her stores of choice. She can go there a few times a week and always find beautiful outfits. My dad will sit in the car and wait for her. She walks a bit slow these days, but when she reaches the threshold of a clothes store, she takes off like a race horse. She can navigate the racks like a pro. She will buy the outfit and then match the shoes and a bag. When she gets home she will lay them out on the bed and make sure she really likes them. If not, back they go and another round of shopping begins. Her closet is stuffed with clothes and the shoe boxes are piled high. Sometimes I raid her closet and take home some of her cast offs. It makes me smile to see that at her age, her appearance still matters.

Changing of the Guard

Today our last intern from this year is leaving. We are making a party for him. Each year interns come and go, but some of them just blend in better than others. This one did. He became part of our little work family. He took a genuine interest in what went on in the office and in our personal lives. Some people have a quality that makes them likable after only knowing them for a few minutes. He will make a wonderful psychologist because he is kind and caring and actually listens. I have no idea who his replacement will be and I can only hope that whoever it is, will fit in as well as he did.

Does Macy's tell Gimbel's?

Years ago there was an expression "Does Macy's tell Gimbel's? The statement was about keeping a secret, more so in business than personal. It meant that you do not give away trade secrets or give any advantage to your competitor. I still use that saying. At least once a week I get a solicitor phone call. They ask a wide range of questions from who is your telephone carrier to what model copy machine do you have. If I did not call you, why do you think that I should reveal any information to you? Sometimes the caller thinks they are being slick and pretends that they know me. I have been a manager too long for anyone to pull the wool over my eyes. I try to be polite and not hang up, but sometimes I just have to end the call abruptly. The bottom line is, do not ask me questions that are none of your business.

The White Tee Shirt

There are many technological inventions through the years, but yesterday a plain white tee shirt did what no other fancy invention could. When I go to the town pool, I always take a whit tee shirt. Since I have sensitive skin but hate the slimy feeling of suntan lotion, I put on a white tee shirt when I am in the sun or swimming in a pool. My children never went without one when they were young. It was a brutally hot day yesterday and my daughter in law and grandson met us at the pool. As soon as she was done feeding him, she realized that it was too hot for him, even sitting under an awning. I felt bad that she was going to leave and go home, so I told her to just jump in the pool for five minutes and cool down. I told her that I would wrap the baby in a soaking wet tee shirt and cool him down until she was out of the pool. I dipped my white tee shirt into the water and then wrapped it around the baby from head to toe with only his face showing. Within two minutes he looked so happy and content. He was smiling and looking around. His skin temperature was now cool. My daughter in law said she would stay a bit longer as long as he was ok. Every 15 minutes we re-wet the tee shirt and re-wrapped him.. He could not have been happier. They stayed until 4pm when he needed to be fed again. We had a wonderful day all because of the plain white tee shirt.

Unfit Outfit

The other day I had to attend a ceremony at a local church. I am not Christian and had only been in a church once before. I was not sure of the dress code and did not want to look out of place. I wore a dress and heels, not only to look presentable, but also to show respect to another religion. I was quite surprised when I entered the sanctuary and saw people in shorts, old tee shirts and flip flops. Their attire showed such a lack of respect. If I, as a member of another religion, made the effort to dress in a conservative manner, why couldn't they? Have we become so lax as a society that we cannot even dress properly when we worship. When we go for a job interview, we would not go in shorts and a tee shirt. When we attend a wedding, we would not go in shorts and a tee shirt. I never saw anyone at a funeral in shorts and a tee shirt. Why do we not hold our places of worship to that standard?

Another Sunny Day

My Aunt Anne lived in Florida for over 20 years before she passed away at 82 years old. I remember one of her sayings that I understand more now than I did when I was younger. She used to look out her window in the morning and say, "Oh, sh*t, another sunny day". She always felt that when it was a beautiful sunshiny day, it was a shame not to go outside and make the most of it. If you just sat around indoors, you did not spend your day well. Sometimes we all need a day to lounge around and be totally unproductive. Many of us save those days for the cloudy ones. I spent a full day at the town pool yesterday and got enough sun for a month. My face is red and my lips are burnt. I have so much research to do for my upcoming lecture, but I feel the need to be outdoors, just because it is a beautiful day. I have put aside my diagrams and put on my bathing suit. Oh sh*t, another sunny day.

Happy 4th

Today is July Fourth. Most Americans will wake up with ten fingers. A sad few will go to sleep with eight or nine. That's because they did not listen to their mothers or wives or friends when they were told not to shoot off such big fireworks. Tomorrow morning when they get up to bandaged hands, they will think back and say, "If only. If only I had listened. If only I used smaller fireworks. If only I had run away faster after I lit the fire". Unfortunately, life does not have a rewind button. It only plays live feed. So, enjoy your day, be careful and as my father always says,"Keep your wits about you".

My Morning Donut

Yesterday morning I woke up and got ready for work. I left the house at 7am and within five minutes I had a donut in my hand. Not the sweet variety that comes with coffee. It was the rubber kind. The one that you drive on when you have a flat tire. Yes, I had a flat tire. I saw it when I was getting into my car. My good mood turned bad, very quickly. My entire day would be thrown off. I went back inside and woke up my husband. He changed the tire in the middle of the street and put it into my trunk. I drove around the corner and dropped it off at the gas station and continued on to work. I could not drive over 50 miles per hour on the donut, so I took the streets for 20 miles. After work, I had a doctor's appointment even farther away, so again, I took the streets for another 25 miles. After the appointment, I drove back to the gas station where they put the patched tire on my car and returned the donut to the trunk, where I hope it will remain forever.

The Go To Gal

I once worked for an employer that used to call me the "go to gal". Whenever there was a problem that needed to be solved, the office people would ask me. If I did not have the answer, I learned it. I never liked to say "I don't know". Even thought I was a go to gal there, I have a friend who is my go to gal. I met her when my children were babies. Her oldest child was four years older then my oldest son. When I needed to know about nursery school, I asked her. When I needed to get information about which elementary school teacher was good, I asked her. The same was true for junior high and high school. When college essays needed to be written, her input was requested. When my parents needed advice on Medicare, I asked her. She was the person I put as a reference on all of my job applications. Now, as I have grandchildren, I still find myself on the other end of the receiving line. When I needed a play mat, I asked her. When I needed a high chair, I asked her. Every group of friends has that one person you can always rely on when you need her. Thanks, Susan.

Happy Ending Sundae

I like eating at Friendly's Restaurant. The service is slow, the food is so-so and usually comes out wrong or cold. The reason why I love it, is for the Happy Ending Sundae. No matter how bad the meal was, the ice cream makes the memory fade fast. I know what you are thinking. Why don't you eat somewhere else and just go to Friendly's for the ice cream. The answer to that is because I like to have the ice cream immediately after I eat my dinner. If I had to calculate in travel time, my brain would have informed my stomach that I was already full and did not need dessert. So here is where the name Happy Ending is deceiving. It is a happy ending most of the time, because the meal was so-so. In reality is should be called the "I didn't really need the calories and now feel like a lump of lard" sundae.