Layman's Terms

We are getting estimates for painting my house. The first painter seems to be a dog whisperer who said he was here to help us through this ordeal. He spent more time telling us what each of  Shelby's barks meant than looking at the walls. The next one called to say he would be late because his truck broke down. That is a rookie excuse so I told him not to come. The next one came in like being a house painter was akin to being a rocket scientist. He was telling us that some areas needed a bit of mesh tape. He looked at us and tried to explain "in layman's terms" what mesh tape was. I told him that we rebuilt our son's house so it was okay to get technical with us and use the word compound instead of spackle. He thinks he is restoring the Sistine Chapel. All I want is a coat of paint schmered on the walls. The next guy came after work and smelled like he just cleaned out a barn. Today and tomorrow there will be two more candidates. After that, if they are not good, I will attach a brush to my husband's hand and order him to paint.