IGH

I realized that no matter what we do in life, our destiny is IGH. In God's Hands. We can have a DNR or a DNI or any other paperwork or plans but in the end one person carries the weight of the final decision. When I left the hospital Tuesday evening, I had said what I thought was my final goodbye. I was at peace with that. The next morning the family came to the hospital to say goodbye. The hospice team had asked me what my wishes were. Their thought was to stop all care and just peacefully wait. My thought was to continue to feed and give minimal water. I could not withhold food as then, in my mind, I would be part of a negative process. The team said that food was ok, as it would not make a big difference in helping her. When I walked in to the hospital yesterday, the Hospice nurse walked towards me and said that my mother had rallied and could be sent home in a day or so. He said that in the condition she was in, it is rare for a 94 year old to bounce back. By allowing the food and water, she was kept stable medically and God took over from there. The ultimate decision is always his.

On Your Own Terms

We had the most wonderful day yesterday. My mother's health is on the decline and the doctors called to say that we should come to the hospital. My sister, father and I all went and when we walked into the room my mother was wide awake. She was supposed to go home today but she will not. We had her moved into a private room with a view of a park. We talked all day and reminisced about good things. She spoke to all of her grandchildren. She told us to take care of our father. She wanted us to go out to eat but we did not want to leave her. When we brought food to the room for my father, she told him to sit down and eat. At 6:30pm she told us to go home. We said we would stay another hour but she was adamant that we go and turn off the lights as we left. We hugged and kissed her and said goodbye. There were no words left unsaid. The day was happy for all of us. Today we will go back again not knowing what the day will hold, but yesterday's visit was the best gift we could have had.

More Resumes

I am going into to work today and have two interviews scheduled. Before I even meet these women I can tell you that they will not be hired. It will not be because they are not nice or qualified. It will be because my office will scrutinize every aspect of their lives. I wish that I did not have to waste my time. Years ago I read a funny printout of a fictitious person's resume. I feel like putting it on my boss's desk and asking if I should schedule an interview. Part of the resume listed the person's previous jobs and why they left them.
- Worked in an orange juice factory. Could not concentrate so I got canned
- Worked for a pool company. The job was too draining.
- Worked as a tailor. The job did not suit me and the pay was sew sew.
- Worked as a lumberjack. Could not hack it, so I was axed.
- Worked installing mufflers. It was too exhausting.
 Maybe this resume would peak their interest.

Where's The Sun?

This weekend has been dreary. Yesterday and today feel like autumn. Whoever planned a holiday barbecue or weekend in the park found themselves sitting at home. Television accounts for these bad weather holiday weekends by running series marathons. They are one full day of back to back episodes of shows we either love or have never seen before. It makes a weekend wash out more enjoyable.

Tune Up

My mother is back in the hospital. This time it is for a "tune up", nothing stroke related. She is having a gastro issue and the moment we noticed something wrong we took her to the hospital. The good thing about at home care is that every nuance of a patient's health is noticed immediately. She is not one of 20 patient's on a floor that might have to wait for assistance. The aides we have are fully trained and certified so the care is wonderful. We had her sent to "our hospital" the one that knows her and has her records. It is our safe place. She will probably be there only a few days but since it is a holiday weekend, not much goes on. My dad will still have help at home so all is good.

Remembering

This is the Memorial Day weekend and it comes at a time in my life when I have spent a great deal of my time remembering. My mother came home last week and things are different in their house. There are people in and out and schedules to keep. Each time I go there, I remember the life that used to be in their home. It was always a quiet, happy house. It was and still is filled with love. Worry has entered the doors but so has help. It is a new life and we are making the best of it. As long as I see my mother's smiling face and hear her say my name, I am content. Remembering the past is good as it makes it all the more reason for having such love in my heart.

Silent Letters

The English language is odd. Last night I ate lamb chops for dinner. Lamm chops. Why is there a "b" at the end of the word? I also bought filet mignon steaks at the same time I purchased the lamB chops. Fil-lay min-yon. The T and the G are unnecessary. Who put them there? I call a plummer when my pipes leak. I never say plum-Ber. There must be some rhyme and reason for these letters being there and it has nothing to do with us mispronouncing them. The word almonds is usually pronounced as ahmonds but many people do say it correctly. It is the same with the word "often". People say "offen" but I actually say ofTen. It is a crazy language for a bunch of crazy people.

Picky

As the search for an employee goes on, my interest is waning. My boss is so locked up on the longevity aspect, that she is limiting the playing field to nothing. If someone is in their 30's they could get pregnant. If someone is in their 40's they could have children at home that could need their attention if they are out sick from school. If they are in their 50's they might be too set in their ways. If they are in their 60's they could have elderly parents that they need to tend to. That leaves no one. We are looking to hire... no one. Basically we need to find someone without ovaries and family who can be molded into our way.

Longevity

Longevity is a nice thought but it is not always reality. My office is still in the process of hiring a new receptionist/assistant and there are two schools of thought that are happening. My boss is looking for longevity, someone who will spend years with us. I am looking for a decent person who we HOPE will spend years with us. She is turning way viable candidates by looking too far into the future. Yesterday we had a wonderful applicant. She just graduated Berkley with a Biology degree. She ran a medical office. She wants to go to medical school and is studying for her MCATS but the process to be accepted will take until at least September 2019. She will have at least one and a half years with us if her plan works out. She has traveled the world on medical missions. She was smart and personable. I set up a second interview with her. Then the mass scrutiny began. Will she stay forever? Is 1 1/2 years enough of a commitment? I pointed out that the last assistant stayed 3 months because she was disrespected and verbally abused. I pointed out that the other resumes were from people who worked in McDonald's and had no experience. I pointed out that life has no commitments and people are free to leave any job at any time. I felt we needed to go with a good candidate and worry in 2 years. They thought otherwise and I cancelled the second interview. Now we have zero candidates and no one at the front desk. Good thinking guys.

Micro Manager

I manage a medical office. I micromanage the world. Just when I think that someone has done their job, a mistake appears and I have to micromanage it. I have spent the past few months pointing out other people's errors and having them fix them. It is getting tiring. Where has attention to detail gone? It has gone onto the shoulders of other people who really have no business getting involved.

Hats

I watched the Royal Wedding over the weekend and do not understand why the British women wear hats. While some hats are flattering, other ones look like they belong on a show horse. The ones I find the funniest are the ones that look like a plate of food hanging sideways off of a woman's head. It looks like they need someone walking along side of them to catch the drippings. What I find most laughable is when an American tries to fit in wearing a ridiculous hat. Somehow, Oprah in a large hat, looks like a caricature. It looks as if you want to fit in so much that you will wear anything

Walks

This is the season for charity walks. The walk idea started years ago and has grown to include many charities. People meet in a designated area, donate money, get free giveaways from large companies and walk a few miles in honor of that charity. These are fundraiser walks. This morning I am going to one for the local children's hospital that my husband volunteers for. We went to it last year too. This morning it is gloomy out and looks like rain is hovering above us. The weather report says sun and rain with thunderstorms. That puts a damper (no pun intended) on the day.

Peace of Mind

Being at ease without worry is worth its weight in gold. Peace of mind leads to physical peace within. My peace of mind revolves around other people. Since my mother came home and is no longer in the care of a hospital, we need to make sure she is safe and well taken care of. We need to make sure my father is not overwhelmed. So far, things are in place. The team of aides and nurses are wonderful, caring people who are truly concerned with my family's well being. When I leave my parents house to go home, I know that they are being well cared for by people that I did not know one month ago. I am placing my most precious gifts in their capable hands and have faith that they will be well.

Taking Baby Home

First days are always hard. Yesterday was a first day for me. My mother came home from the hospital and the routine is now different. Her feedings are scheduled for every few hours and her care is a bit more than it was previously. It reminds me of when I took my babies home from the hospital. They ate every few hours. I worried if they were eating too much or too little. In those days you also supplemented with water so that added another variable into the mix. Would they sleep all night? Would I know what they needed? That is exactly how I felt yesterday. That insecure feeling about taking care of another human being.

Coming Home

This morning I will take my ride to Brooklyn to discharge my mother from the hospital. I am happy but I am also a bit scared. This homecoming is not like the previous one. More care is involved. I have notes upon notes for what needs to be done. I have schedules for feeding and medications. I have schedules for the healthcare aides. Once we do this new routine for a day or two it will become normal.

Say Less

I used to like doing interviews. I no longer do. Either people are getting dumber or I am losing patience. The other day I interviewed a nice woman. Work wise she was great. Her problem was that she did not know when to stop talking about things that are going to lessen her chance of employment. Since she has worked in the mental healthcare field, she knows some of the drug reps that we do. She has nicknames for them and kept referring to them with these names. The man we know as John, she kept referring to as Gene Man. She told us that she had a fight with him about a patient's insurance. She told me this story on my initial interview with her and I prayed she would not bring it up again on the second interview with the doctors in the room. She did. The story does not go over well. Her next interview is on Thursday and that will be the toughest one of all. Any extra words can make or break her chances of being hired. I will just sit back and watch the show.

Adapting

Today was supposed to be the day my mother came home from the hospital. The plan has changed and we needed to adapt to it. She is staying longer because the nutritionist wants to try another type of food and has to make sure my mother will tolerate it well. It is not a big deal, just a change of schedule. Everyone I called to set up coverage for today needed to be cancelled and rescheduled. The calls were made and things are set for Thursday.

Last Minute Details

Today I will have a lot of last minute details to pull together before my mother arrives home from the hospital tomorrow. I was up most of the night making lists in my head. Who needs to be called? What questions need to be asked? Everything will be in place by tomorrow morning. Today I have to interview potential employees for an opening in my office. That cuts into my call time. I will need to use every moment to its fullest to get things done today.

Happy Mother's Day

It has been a rough few months but today is Mother's Day and I can still spend it with my mother. The original plan was to go to my sister's house as we have done for over 30 years, but life has other plans. The place we celebrate is not important. The people we celebrate with is.

Special Song

I was at the hospital visiting my mother yesterday, when the speech therapist came in to work with her. She said it was okay if I stayed in the room. She watched my mother eat her pureed food and talked with her in order to stimulate her speech. The therapist then said that they would sing a song. I guess that singing is good for not only speech but for cognitive memory. They sing songs that most people know. I told the therapist that my mother's favorite song is "Only You", by the Platters. She key worded it on her phone and put the phone on speaker so my mother could hear it and sing to it. As soon as my mother heard the first few notes, she began to smile with the broadest smile ever. When the song started, she sang with it in a loud voice, singing every word correctly and using every inflection of the tones of the song. The high notes were high and the long notes were long. Even the "oh, oh's" were mimicked. The therapist started to cry. She could not believe the reaction that my mother had to hearing a song that was meaningful to her. It was a beautiful moment.

Schoolin'

I am up and dressed and ready to go learn. I have my trusty Mead notebook with 5 dividers in it. I have a new pen attached. I have written down questions. I am prepared to soak up the knowledge. The course is MOM 101. Today I learn what to do when my mother is released from the rehab. There will be medications, feeding and grooming. I will learn and show my father who will in turn show the aide. Once we understand it, it should go very well. This is one course I want to pass with flying colors.

Plan Of Action

My mother is scheduled to come home on Tuesday. I am very happy but also very scared. She needs more care than she did after her first hospital stay, so a good plan of action is needed. I will spend today trying to set it up. I have learned a lot in the past few weeks and need to pull it all together so her homecoming will be safe. Different agencies will be involved and I will need to coordinate care. It is a big task but one that has to be done within a six day time frame. My sister and I have our work cut out for us but we will get things done, as we usually do.

Candy Cane

I wake up each morning like a candy cane. I stand partially straight with a slight bend on my upper back and neck. I walk around like that for at least an hour until my back loosens up. My goal is to become a licorice stick by the time I get to work.

You Tube U

The greatest form of education is You Tube. The knowledge you can get from it is more valuable than some college degrees. It is almost a University of Life. If you do not know how to do something, You Tube will teach you. The other day my dryer broke. My husband heard the belt snap off. Years ago, we would have needed to call a repairman and spend a minimum of $100 to fix it. Instead, he "You Tubed" it. He key worded, "replace a Whirlpool dryer belt", and videos appeared on the screen. He watched a few and went to the basement and did what they taught him. It was a step by step tutorial. Within 20 minutes the dryer was fixed. We saved $100 and he gained more knowledge.

Back To Work

This morning I go back to work after a weekend off. My receptionist and my boss are also returning from their vacations. I went to my son's house, my receptionist went on a cruise and my boss went to Israel. I will have an easy transition, they will not. My work is up to date. They have to backtrack for a weeks worth of papers. I will be relaxed and smiling. They will be tense. I am better off than they are.

A Good Time

I just got back from visiting my grandchildren and "A good time was had by all". It is always a sure thing when I go to see them. There will be good company, good food, lots of laughs and plenty of hugs and kisses. The only down side is that when I arrive home, I miss my girls even more. Now that my younger granddaughter is old enough to know me, saying goodbye to both girls is hard. As soon as I arrive in New York, my mind thinks ahead to the next time I will see them.

Disconnect

For some reason my Mac computer has lost compatibility with the hotel.  Normally, as soon as I turn it on the welcome page appears.  This time no matter what I do, and no matter how much help the front desk has tried to give me, the page will not open. I have decided to use a ghostwriter.  She is the person who proofreads this blog everyday anyway.  I could never survive without my ghost.  Boo!!

Respite

I am up early and getting ready to leave for New England. It is my granddaughter's birthday weekend and I have been looking forward to celebrating it with her. I now live life day by day so I am glad that today is finally here and things are well enough for me to leave town. This trip, we will be going with my sister in law and brother in law, so a fun time is guaranteed. I just hope that I have the capability to separate the responsibilities I have at  home from being in celebration mode.

38 Years

Today is my anniversary. Thirty eight years. I remember it like it was yesterday. Somehow I blinked my eyes and time flew. I woke up a bit sad today. For 37 years I have come home from work and found a message on my answering machine with my parents singing Happy Anniversary to me. I call them Roy Rogers and Dale Evans. This year there is a chance that there will not be a song waiting for me. My mom is in the hospital and my dad is at home. If he is able to get to see her later in the day. I will make sure that they sing their annual duet. That would be the best gift ever.

Dimensions

Can human behaviors be skewed? If we change the way something looks, there is a different reaction. Last night I changed the shape of a vegetable and got different results. For all of the years that I have been playing Mah Jongg, the menu is the same. We serve potato chips, pretzels, dip, M&M's, carrots, pepper and cucumber. I slice the cucumber into circles and am always left with 3/4 of it. Since I am not a cucumber eater, after 3 days I throw it out. This week I had a very large cucumber and the thought of throwing it away again seemed extra wasteful. I decided to cut it into medium width sticks instead of circles and see what would happen. Lo and behold, the entire cucumber was eaten.

Figure It Out

When things get complicated, I take a minute to breathe and figure it out. There is always a way to find a viable solution.It might not be the best solution but as long as it works, it is good enough. Good enough is the standard that I go by.