Shattered

I always say that I have written this blog every day for 7 years without missing a day. I can no longer say that. I missed yesterday. I was going to miss today, but my husband said to write, because it would be cathartic for me. Okay, he did not use the word cathartic. He said good for you. My mother passed away Wednesday, June 20, 2018. I have not stopped crying since then. She was 94 and not well for the past few months. We had many weeks to say our goodbyes, but it is never enough. How many "I love yous" can be said? The number is infinite. I am still saying it, but she is no longer here to hear it. Today is the funeral and it seems surreal. How can my mother not be there? It was always the four of us through thick and thin, me, my sister, my mother and my father. I never heard a bad word out of her mouth. She was always kind and caring and just an overall pleasant person. When they say that someone does not have a bad bone in their body, it sums her up. Smiling until the end. I know that everyone eventually goes through this and everyone loves their family as much as I do, but that does not diminish my pain. I know she will be with us forever. She isn't gone, she is just not here.