Third Degree

It is three degrees outside. It is so cold that even with a coat on, Shelby did not want to go out. He ran out for a few seconds, did the minimum of his needs and ran back in. If I had to go to the bathroom naked in three degree temperatures, I would run in too. The technical name for this weather band is Polar Vortex. My name for it is F*cking Cold Out.

No Consolation

One of the doctors in work has two elderly parents. They are 96 and 97 years old. A few weeks ago her father was sent to the hospital because he was not feeling well. He is now in a rehab nursing facility. The doctor is heartbroken not only that her father is probably not going to survive much longer, but for the fact that her mother will be without him after 75 years of marriage. I totally understand what she is going through. I have spoken to her a few times about this and tried to ease her pain as best as I could with kind understanding words. Yesterday my receptionist answered the phone and it was the doctor calling from the rehab to say she would be a few minutes late for her patient. I did not hear what the doctor was saying but I heard what my receptionist was saying. I could fill in the blanks since I know the situation. This is what I heard: The doctor must have said, "My father is not doing well". My receptionist answered, "Well, he is 97 and no one lives forever". The doctor must have then said something like, "My mother wants him to get better and come home", to which the receptionist's answer was, "We can all wish for whatever we want but that's not the way it works. You don't always get what you wish for, sorry". I sat there with my hand on my face, like The Thinker statue. Was I really hearing this? My grandchildren could have consoled her better. My receptionist has a 90 year old mother living with her, so she should have a bit more compassion. When the shoe is on the other foot, is that how she would want people to react?

Two Applicants

I had two appointments for job interviews yesterday. One was set for 9:30am and the other 10:30am. At 9:24am I got a call that the woman waslost on the 4th floor and she could not find our door. I told her that we were on the 1st floor, so why was she on the 4th? A few minutes later the door opened and a woman walked in and sat in the far corner of the waiting room. Other patients slowly filtered in. I knew the first person was the applicant, but did not know why she did not have enough sense to come to the front window and get an application to fill out. I decided to let her sit there for a while to see if what she would do. After 10 minutes I opened the window and said, "Which doctor are you here to see?" She said she was here for an interview. The patient sitting next to her told her that when you come for an interview you are supposed to go to the window and say you are here. The woman looked baffled. I knew that the interview would be short and she was not getting the job. As she filled out the application, the next interviewee walked in. She said she was early for the 10:30am interview (it was 9:45am) but she wanted to make sure she was on time. I took in the first woman and spent about 4 minutes with her. She had not worked since 2009 due to a "brutal divorce". I brought the next girl in and she was wonderful. She was hired!

Roast Beef

In 1938 a roast beef restaurant named Brennan and Carr opened up in Sheepshead Bay. It was located in a real log cabin. There was no menu. It was written on a chalk board on the wall. You could order your food from an outside window while waiting for a bus as the bus stop was right there. It was cash only. Drinks were served in paper cups. The roast beef sandwiches came "double dipped", if requested. If you said double dip, it meant you had been there before. Last night after dropping off my father, we ate there. Nothing had changed since 1938. It was like walking into a time warp. The sandwiches tasted exactly was we remembered them and the corn fritters were heavenly. It is nice to know that sometimes things stay the same and it is possible to relive happy times.

Birdie Egg Face

Years ago I bought a small egg pan that was the size to make one egg. On the handle was a bird face. It was a smiling face and I named it "Birdie Egg Face". I used Birdie Egg Face for years and then the Teflon wore out so I had to throw it away. This morning my sister said that she needed a small fry pan and was going to order a Birdie Egg Face. She saw it on Amazon. It was funny to hear her use the pan's name as it was a long time ago when I had it. I guess for us, a small egg pan will always have that name.

Think Less, Know More

I see a change in behavior since I got an Iphone. I am trying hard not to become the person who always has a phone in their hand. I put it on my desk in work and leave it there. I put it in my den and walk away. I know where it is, but do not need to rely on it. Sometimes I am not successful. When I have a question, I get it. I realized that it is easy to keyword a problem and get an  immediate answer. I do not have to think or try to problem solve. It is immediate gratification. This morning I had a mathematical question. Instead of getting a pad and pen to figure it out, I got my phone. I put in the equation and voila, I had the answer. I knew it would be correct. I knew more but I thought less. It made me sad to think everyone is doing this. When a real problem arises, will we have the skill set to solve it?

Proof Read

I am not the best proofreader. That is where my sister comes in. She proofs my blog, usually on a daily basis, because I can never see my own  errors. I read them as if they were correct. My worst offenders are commas and apostrophes. Since I am looking for a new receptionist, I am receiving resumes in my email. I not only read their qualifications, I also see how they write. One woman put her last name in lower case letters. One said she pays "attenshin" to detail. Another said she graduated from "some college" in New York. I am not making this up. These are the actual resumes I received. I will allow for one typo error. We all do that. When it becomes a pattern in the resume, I discard it.

Recycled Names

Everything old is new again. That saying has been around for ages. It can be used for clothes, decor and names. There was a saying that if you pile your clothes up on a chair and flip the pile 20 years later, you are in fashion again. Children's names are being resurrected. The names of our grandparents and great grandparents are now the names of our grandchildren. There are no more babies being named Susan, Karen, Ellen, Diane or Barbara. They are now being named Sophie, Bella, Celia, Max, Leo and Eli. The old "new" names like Madison and Tyler have phased out. When my children were young there were about five names that everyone used and each class had children with those names. Like Shakespeare said, "A rose by any other name...".

Just Ask

One of my receptionist has applied for a PhD program. She is a brilliant girl and we are happy that she finally did what she should have done years ago. She realized that there is no real room for growth in my office and since she worked hard for her Master's Degree, she needs to put it to good use. She is now the coordinator of a new drug study that my boss has signed on for. For years we have done the clinical trials for FDA approval. Being coordinator has a lot of responsibility. On February 22, my receptionist has to go to Boston for three days to have an orientation. Yesterda, she received a phone call and when she hung up, I saw her face in her hands and she was crying. It seems that Hofstra had called to say that her interview for the PhD program was February 22. It is a group orientation followed by individual interviews. She had to be at 2 very important meetings at the same time three hundred miles away. I told her to send an email to the chairman of the psychology department stating the problem and asking what she should do. At first she was hesitant, thinking that she did not want to ask for a favor. She took my advice and wrote the email. Within 15 minutes, the chairman answered her. He gave her a choice of three other dates and said that she could miss the group orientation and not to worry. She is very relieved. All she had to do was ask.

Liberal vs Radical

The political tone of America is shifting to an uncomfortable atmosphere. One party is moving from liberal to radical.  Liberals are those who favor both equality and change and are about improving the existing system, environment and situation. Radicals are those who favor extreme disruptive change. This week I have seen examples of radicalism that are very disturbing. One political spokesperson said no to a compromise that would open the government even before she heard it. She was the same person who years ago instructed Congress to sign a bill first then read it later. I call her a controlling narcissistic personality. She was a liberal who shifted to radicalism. This morning I read an article where a former vice president is accusing America of racism. He is trying to stir up negativity in order to push his party's viewpoints into the spotlight. This was a divisive speech where he pretended, as he was speaking,  to just realize what is going on in our country. He basically called America racist. The people who are afraid of our President's tone and temperament need to take a long hard look at his adversaries. They are like lions in the coliseum waiting to rip people apart so they can win the bounty for themselves.

BRRRRRRRRRRRR

It is bone chilling cold outside. Luckily, for most people it is a holiday so they are not forced to go outside. I have work, as usual, so I am already up. Shelby was so cold that even with his coat on he ran back inside after a 1 minute walk. I have on two layers of clothes and will blast the heat at work. The cold should only last for a day or so, so I will just bear with it. I have no choice.

Old and Young

Early this afternoon, I will have the gift of spending time with my father and my granddaughter. The oldest member of the family and the youngest member will have lunch together. Since I have been charting my family tree, I think of generations. Four generations will be there. Years ago I remember my mother in law always asking for family pictures to be taken at holiday gatherings. I vividly remember the expression she used. She would say, "Let's take four generations of women and four generations of men". We thought she was silly at the time, but now that I am in her place I totally understand. Today we will take four generations of family pictures. This one's for you, Gloria.

A New Leaf

My family tree has two new leaves. Yesterday I received a copy of my grandmother's death certificate. I wanted to know how she died since she was only 53 and died in 1939. I knew that besides a cause of death, it would list her parents names. Her father would have had her maiden name, but her mother would have had her own. I could trace back one more generation. So far, I can account for 6 generations, from my grandchildren to my own great grandparents. Although it does not make a difference in my life, to me it makes a difference in my heritage. I need to know the family names. A new last name popped up and I am intrigued to find out more. I am a senti-emotional person. I value those who preceded me as well as those who came after. Since last year I have thought more than ever about family relationships. You only get one family. One mother, one father and however many sibling you have. You need to make the most of every minute God allows you to have them. Once they are gone, there is no going back to fix any wrongs. I am glad I have and will have no guilt about my parents. I have done my best to make them happy and that allows me to have peace of mind.

Your Own Punishment

I usually do not read the Yahoo articles on my home page in the morning. I read them at work if I have time. If it looks like a sad article I stop reading. If it is funny, I continue. Today's article was a lesson in respect of other people's property and self punishment. It seems that there was a huge snowstorm in Kentucky and three people decided to make a snowman on their lawn. It was their property and their right to do so. It was 9 feet tall and a lot of effort must have been put into making it. Sometime during the day, a nasty person decided that he did not like the snowman and thought it would be fun to plow it over with his truck. He lined up his truck with the snowman and must have floored the gas. There was one glitch in his plan. The base of the snowman was molded around a huge tree stump. Imagine the driver's surprise when he went crashing into a wood barrier. His truck must ha been heavily damaged, but it served him right. Snowman 1, driver 0.

Confused Weather

Since I am the one that drives my father back and forth to Brooklyn on the weekends, I have become a weather watcher. They predict some snow for this weekend, but every time I look at the weather channel the forecast changes. Either it can't make up its mind or it really does not have the correct answer. One minute it is rain. The next snow. Then there is a mix. The temperature changes from 40 degrees to 47 degrees and then goes to 45 degrees. Why post the information if it changes? The only time I will know the weekend weather will be on Monday morning when the weekend is over. 

Tantrum

Children have tantrums and we expect that. Their brains are not developed enough to have self control when something does not go their way. Eventuall they outgrow it as they mature. Some people never outgrow it and the tantrums continue into adulthood. It is not pleasant to watch. Yesterday I watched as my receptionist had a temper tantrum when she had to call Optimum cable service. She was balanced billed $10 for a cable box she had returned.When the representative looked at the bill and did not give her the answer she wanted, she flew into a rage. She was screaming and cursing at the poor man. All he was trying to do was explain the charge, but it was not to her liking. The screaming got louder and more vicious. She was shaking and almost crying. Her emotional avalanche had taken hold and she was spiraling out of control. My heart started to pound from the volume of her rage. I picked myself up and walked out of the office into a doctor's office in the back. I sat there until the yelling stopped and then gave it a few minutes before I returned. When I walked back in, I told her that one day she would get a stroke or a heart attack from behaving like that. It was a disgusting display to watch. 

Lunch For All

Today we are having a luncheon provided for by a patient. We negotiated a lunch deal. At first, he wanted to buy for every staff and research member. I told him that the research people did not need to have lunch as they pick and choose their hours so they might not show up at lunchtime. Next we decided on the front staff people and he wanted to give me $200 cash. I said that was too much. Lunch was not going to be $40 a person. Then he counter offered at $150 but I still said that was going overboard. We agreed to $100 and he gets the change back. He is a very nice man and wants to do this for us, but he is still a patient so I do not want to take advantage of him.

Hair

I have been lazy with my hair. I usually cut it every month and wear it short. I have not felt like going to get it cut. I have the time but I just did not go. Last week, everybody started to notice that my hair was longer. Each person I saw had the same comment, "Your hair is getting long". Now I have decided to let it grow to see how it will look. I can get it cut any day I want to, but for the time being I won't. Maybe a new look is what I need this year.

Fresh Slate

Twenty nineteen is an important year for me. It is a year of reinvention. It is a year that will have many "first times", since my mother has died. February 15 marks the day things began to change and we rode the roller coaster for many months. We are still riding it, but at a better pace with my father on a flat course rather than the gut wrenching free falls we had with my mother. I am not the same person I was and will never be, so I need to purge some things and start with a clean slate. I have taken "things" that I have and either packed them away or given them away. Each item held a memory and a history. Our lives are filled with material things that have their own story. You remember where you got them, with whom, and how it felt. Sometimes not having them, and erasing their history is what is needed to move on. It makes life less cumbersome. I used to have an "egg roll" story. People that are not sentimental see the act of getting an egg roll as just that, plain and simple. Other people see the time it took to drive to the store, order it, wait for it, pay for it and enjoy it. The egg roll experience is different to those people. I always placed importance of the thought of the gift more than the actual gift itself. To obtain my clean state I have to detach myself from the history, let go of the physical item and leave room for the wonderful things that lie ahead.

Nothing

I am sitting at the computer trying to write this blog. I realized that I do not have much to say today. I have a million thoughts floating in my head but not the kind that can be entered into a blog. As I get older, I think back on life and play the game of "what would I change". Then I realize that if I changed one thing, everything else down the line would be different. It would be like a domino effect. So, things are as they are for good or bad, because that is how they are supposed to be.

Pantry

I have a pantry in my basement. It is my stockpile of food that I buy on sale. Sometimes it goes down there never to be seen again until I check expiration dates and throw it out. My food resolution is to always check my stock first before I buy new. It worked out well this morning. I had turkey gravy on my shopping list and decided to check my basement before I bought it. I found 2 jars. One dated May 2019 and one February 2020. Still fresh! I took the 2019 jar and walked it upstairs. The system is working out well, so far.

HR

Yesterday we had an HR consultant come to our office. We are not the type of office that needs HR. We are a simply run operation. She started to delve into our forms like we were a big corporation. Until last year we still used pencils to make appointment in log books. We never take a lunch hour. We just sit at our desks and eat. If there are no patients at the end of the night, the receptionist leaves early.We are low maintenance. This woman was asking if we sign immigration forms when a new hire starts. In all the years and all of the places I have worked, I never saw an I9 immigration form. No one I know has either, even though it has been around since 1986. Next she asked about background checks. Why would I do a background check on a 19 year old part time receptionist?  After she said that, I suggested that we all be fingerprinted. At $75 a person, my boss could spend $1500 easily. What's next? Peeing into a cup for a drug test? Leave us alone, go away and let us country bumpkins go about our business.

Time Matters

Being on time matters. It is a sign of respect showing that you value where you need to be and whom you are being on time for. On Monday, a new patient began therapy at my office. His family is spending over $2000 a week out of pocket for this. The appointment was at 10:30am and the family came from Connecticut. They arrived at 10:15am. The doctor arrived at 10:45am. The patient's father was livid and since I am the manager, I get to be the one to hear it. The dad came up to the window to rant and rave about the doctor being late and how he is spending a lot of money and traveling far to be here. When he was done, it was my turn to speak. I told him I totally agreed with him and would not defend anyone being late. I told him that I was going to deduct the money for every minute she was late. I said there is no excuse not to have left her house early to be here at the appointment time. I then said that she was a wonderful doctor and the treatment would be well worth the trip. About an hour later, the man came back to the window and apologized about how he acted. I said there was no reason to apologize and that if I was in his place I would have done the same.

Extra Tests

I always like to use the same doctor in a practice. I just feel more comfortable. In September, I had a problem reading. I was seeing smudges on every word. My regular doctor was booked for weeks and the office could not squeeze me in with him so I saw an associate. He was a very nice man, informed me what was wrong and then set me up for field of vision testing three months down the line. The three months was yesterday. I made an appointment with my regular doctor after the test. When I saw my regular doctor he said that he would not have recommended the test, but it was fine that I did it. He said that he knew my eye's history so what the other doctor saw would never have raised a red flag to him. From now on, I will make sure that if there is a problem someone is able to get me in.

Collect Call

Years ago whenever we traveled we did not have cell phones. When we wanted family to know we were safe at our destination we made a collect call. I saw a television commercial this week making a parody out of that scenario. It brought back funny memories. In the commercial, a man places a call to a family member and when the operator says,  "Who can I say is calling", the man responds, "Wehadababyboy Heseightpounds". I remember making up names like that when I called my parents. Those were the good old days.

Loose End

I have begun to work on my family history again and have spoken to two of my cousins. We were trying to put together a story that no one one can tell. How did my mother's mother die? We knew she was sick but no one has the exact answer. For some reason my mother and her younger brother totally blocked out any memories of her. My mother was almost 15 and her brother was 11 when their mother passed away. I heard that she had stomach cancer. Another cousin heard it was appendicitis. The brother's son heard nothing at all. I was thinking how I could get a clue to what happened. I went on the internet and searched death records. I found the record number and decided to write the department of health records for a copy of the death certificate. For fifteen dollars, I might get some sort of an answer. In a few weeks I will know.

More Reflective

It is the new year and I feel more reflective than in other years. As I am living in the present, I am realizing that my future does not end the day I breathe my last breath. I have been through a spiritual awakening this year. I have seen and felt things that I have never experienced before. I take comfort in that. The comfort of knowing that I will be "here" in some form for eternity, doing what god has intended for me.

Slow Motion

My computer is running in slow motion. I have been sitting here for 25 minutes waiting for the blog to open up. I have no time to write it now as I have a lot of things to do today. Maybe it needs a one day rest.

My Keepsakes

Since I have begun working on my family history book again, I have come across more keepsakes. For decades, I have kept birthday cards. When the birthday week is over, I just cannot throw away cards from people I love. I cannot see their sentiments and handwriting be tossed into the basket. They get put in a pile and stashed into a drawer. And that is where they have remained for 40 years. I opened them this weekend and put the most meaningful ones into my family book. I have postcards from my grandparents along with them. Handwriting is a reminder of the sentiments that people wished for us and makes the person live on forever in our hearts.

Back To Work

It has been a week since I went to work. Today is my first day back and I wish I could stay in bed. I do not want to be retired, I just do not want to go to work. I like knowing I have somewhere to go for a few hours each day. I like being with my coworkers. I like doing creative work projects but I realized that I have outgrown real work. I did it for thirty years. It's enough. So off I go, back to the old grind, waiting for 2pm so I can go home.

2019

It is the first day of a new year. I hope that 2019 is a better year than 2018. As usual, I never saw the ball drop. Just the thought that "the ball is being dropped" at the first moment of a new year, makes me laugh. If the ball is dropped now, where does the year go from here? I can only hope that the new year is filled with health and happiness.