Perfect Sense

Someday everything will make perfect sense. Too bad we do not know when that someday will be. Maybe that someday will be our last day, maybe not. As I age, I realize that life does not make sense nor does it have to. What I think is right might not be right for anyone else. I need to understand and accept that. As I do, my life gets easier. I only have expectations for myself and if I fulfill them, I am set. It is our mindset that will allow us to see "perfect sense" even if it is not sensible.

Suburban Hero

As I was driving to work the other day, a song played on the radio. It was unfamiliar but had a very catchy tune. It was titled "The 1432 Franklin Pike Circle Hero". I listened to the words and they made me smile. The song is about a man who has work responsibilities and is tired, but does everything that his kids and wife want to do without complaining. Instead of sitting in his easy chair, he is pitching baseball. Instead of watching television, he is with his kids at a parade. It is these small things that make him a hero. He doesn't have to be a hero to the world, but he is a hero to his family.

Time Management

For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. In other words, anger is a waste of time. Anger is a choice, as is happiness. Happiness gives you a good feeling but I am beginning to realize that anger has to be giving the angry person some kind of feeling that keeps them reverting to angry behavior. If we had a visual life clock on our chests, we could see our life countdown. Every time we wasted a moment on nonsense or anger or hate, the box of "lost time" would fill up. Maybe then we could see that wasted time is never recouped.

No Direction

Sometimes people have no direction in life. Sometimes people give no directions. As we become more of a technology world, the protocol of simple things has changed. When a wedding invitation was sent, it always came with a direction card. I would tape the card to the back of the invitation and be prepared for the ride two months in the future. I went to a wedding last night and there was no direction card. I had to either google the address or gps it into my phone. The first problem was that the invitation had no street address, only the name of the venue. Since my brother in law was the driver, my sister printed out the directions. It seems there were two country clubs in the town and the directions led us to the wrong one. Thankfully the right one was down the block. Why does the invitee have to do extra work to get to the place they are invited? The hall provides the direction cards, so just take them and stuff them into the envelope.

Judgement

Never judge a book by its cover. I saw that for myself yesterday. I have been picking up my father from dialysis for a year and have seen a man in his late 30's sitting at the opposite end of the room. His mother sits by his side. He wears dark sunglasses and makes involuntary noises and grunts sporadically. I assumed that he has Tourettes and other mental deficiencies. I am usually at dialysis for a half hour. My father's chair position was changed a few weeks ago and now he sits closer to the young man. As usual, when I was there yesterday the man was squealing and grunting. Then something eye opening happened. A dialysis worker came to unhook the man from the machine and started a conversation about opera with him. The young man answered back in the most fluent, informed and intelligent way. They discussed Pavarotti, styles of opera and shows that the man has seen. They then discussed the new movie releases and critiqued them. The man was not only well spoken, he was interesting. I was floored. When we left dialysis, I asked my father about him. My father said that the man is very smart, a nice guy and everyone talks to him. I relearned a lesson that I thought I knew. 

Twenty Four Cents

I have been buying Avon from a local woman for many years. I do not buy a lot, but I buy at least once a year in the summer when I see her at the town pool. Whenever someone buys from her she always says that if you do not like the product it is returnable. In all the years, I have never returned anything. Last week I bought a lipstick that was advertised to last for 24 hours without fading. I used it twice and it lasted about three hours. I decided that it was not worth the money since it did not last long and that is why I bought it, so I asked to return it. I gave it back to the woman the next day when I saw her and she said that she did not have any money with her so she would give it to me the next day. I saw her the next day and she never mentioned money until I had to ask her for it, which annoyed me. She then handed me a check. I gave her $10 cash and she gave me back a check for $9.76. She took out a 24 cents Avon processing fee. Now I was even more annoyed. I asked her why she was giving me a check, as now I have to go to the bank to cash it and I do not go to the bank often. She said it helps her track refunds. Therefore her bad memory is inconveniencing me and the "easy refund" policy has cost me 24 cents. My expectations of the transaction were that if I give you $10 cash, I am refunded $10 cash. Not that I am refunded $9.76 and am forced to make a trip to the bank and wait on line to get my money. Needless to say, I will never buy from her or Avon again. I will go to Walmart, where $10 equals $10.

Life Lessons

As I age, I change. When I have a good experience I feel happy. When I have a bad experience I learn from it. I have learned that I cannot dwell on the bad. If I do, the good has a harder time finding me. I have learned to evaluate before I react and it took years to do that. I no longer jump to judgement. I take the situation and try to clearly see it for what it is. I was always the devil's advocate because I felt that was the way to be fair to everyone. I look at situations from all sides and though I might not agree, I will try to understand.

Blank Page

Last night I visited a friend in rehab. She volunteers with my husband at the children's hospital. She had a knee replacement and will be there for two weeks. When we entered the facility, there was a sign in book. Each patient had their own page for their guests to log in and out. As we were looking for the correct page, I noticed that most pages were at least half full with visitor's names. I then came across a blank page. No one had signed in to visit that patient. For some reason, I felt so bad seeing that. The thought of a lonely woman being in a rehab without anyone caring enough to come see her was sad. Maybe her family lived out of state? Maybe she outlived everyone she knew? Maybe no one cared? The last option was the most unsettling. When people are young they say that their life is an open book with a blank page. I guess when people age, they can say the same.

Profit Margin

How much profit does someone need? My office is getting a new phone and internet system. It is long overdue. After years of not hearing clearly on the phones and rebooting our internet daily, my boss has agreed to buying new phones. My task was to negotiate a fair price. I called a random company from an internet search and she had me call the telephone man that she uses. I asked the price for identical systems. I was quoted a price on the same exact phones and wiring. Her man asked $7300. My man asked $6950. I asked my man for a better price and he came down to $6750. I went back to her guy and told him that I got an estimate for $6750. He got a bit nasty and asked me to send him the estimate so I could prove what I told him. Before I did that, I called my man again and said that I wanted to stay closer to $6000. His last and final quote was $6300. I told him it was a deal and yesterday I signed the contract. This just shows that if I did not negotiate, my boss would have paid $1000 more than necessary. Now my man will replace her man for all phone problems. Too much profit turned into a loss.

The Void

I am adjusting to everyday life without my mother but there are still times when the void is so apparent it hurts. Yesterday was one of those times. Whenever I went to a party, my mother would wait for me to come home to "tell her everything". I was the reporter. My sister would tell her that everything was great but I would give her a blow by blow rundown of the day. Yesterday was my niece's bridal shower. It was a beautiful day. When I came home, I had fleeting moment when I almost reached for the phone to call my mother. Then it hit me like a lightening bolt. Mommy is gone. I so badly wanted to tell her that my niece looked beautiful in her pink flowered dress. I wanted to say that I saw all of my sister in law's friends and that they made me feel like I had just seen them yesterday. I wanted to go over the menu and say that I not only had one wrap but I paired it with a bagel and lox. I wanted to tell her about all of the beautiful gifts and that I was the one that kept the list as they were opened. We would both laugh when I told her that I hoped I did not mix things up. I would finish the conversation with each dessert that was served, as my mother loved dessert. Maybe by writing my thoughts down now, I am telling her in a way that is not tangible. I still feel that she is with me and for all I know, she was there with us.

Happiness

When you love what you have, you have everything you need. Every week I play lotto and never win more than a few dollars. Those few dollars make me happy. Many times I wonder if I won millions would I be any happier? I would have more things but would my core happiness be increased? I do not think so. I really do have everything I need, all I would have is excess. I have a home I love, family I cherish, good friends, health, security and above all peace of mind. When I read about celebrities or billionaires, for the most part I see surface happiness. I will spend this afternoon with family, celebrating a happy occasion. I will have everything I need surrounding me.

Laughter

Some people are born with a great sense of humor. They look at the world and see the funny side. I have a cousin that is like this. I am on Facebook but have less than 5 friends. I am on it to look at happy entries to start the day off smiling. This morning my cousin did not disappoint me. He posted a picture of his father's gravestone. His father passed away at 57 years old and was such a nice man. His children were in their late teens and early twenties at the time. His footstone says "At Play". The family decided that everyone else at the cemetery could be "at rest" but Howie would be "at play".  The post this morning was a picture of the headstone with a balloon hanging from it. The caption said, "I am the ultimate optimist". The balloon said "Get Well Soon".

Poke

All over my neighborhood, Poke restaurants are popping up. I had no idea what they were. It seems that they are Hawaiian food, which to me mimics a blend of Chinese and Japanese cuisine. I recently ate Poke for the first time. It reminded me of a salad bar. There is a menu and you check off what you want and hand it to the girl behind the counter to have it put together. You choose a grain or noodle, then two or three proteins (the yuppie way to say meat or fish), then the veggies, then the greens, like seaweed or kale. You then choose a sauce to add to it, either soy based, broth based or miso based. It is all mixed into a large oriental looking bowl. I chose a broth based dish with ramen noodles, pork belly, hard boiled egg, seaweed, mushrooms and a slice of fishcake. It tasted very good but I thought it was a bit pricey. The dish cost $12. Normally for that price I can get a salad, entree and vegetable. I am glad I tried it and would get it again, just not for a while.

Coping

Life is hard. It is harder if you are stupid. The question is, who is it harder on? At first thought, you would think it is harder on the stupid person. If you dig deeper, you will see that it is harder on the smart person. The stupid person coasts along accepting what is before them while the smart person only wants things to be correct. They will try to rectify the situation to make it good for everyone. When it is done, the stupid person has no idea things were done to make something better. The smart person feels more at ease now after putting in a lot of effort. So, who has life harder?

Exercise

I am not a person to do formal exercises. I feel that my daily routine takes care of it by itself. As I get older I need to use the bathroom more. My den is on the bottom floor of my house and the bathroom is on the top floor. Every hour I do at least 3 "reps" on my steps which I now refer to as the stairmaster. When I eat dinner, as soon as I sit down my husband needs a napkin or ketchup. Since his seat is on the inside wall it is easier for me to get it. Now my sit-stand squats are taken care of. When I am in the kitchen, I notice crumbs on the floor and I bounce up and down to pick them up with my fingertip. When I rise in the morning, I do sit ups trying to lift my body into a sitting position to leave the bed. By the end of the day, every body part has been worked out vigorously. Who needs a gym?

The Optimist

I am an optimist. I try to see good in everything. When I am dealing with a pessimist, I double down. For some reason when I am around a pessimist, I feel the need to be annoyingly upbeat. I do not understand why people would want to look at a negative view of life. Isn't it easier to think that things will be good?

Thickness of Your Skin

Just like the animals in the jungle, some people have thicker skin than others. Wildlife ones have thick skin physically. Human ones have it literally. According to the rule of skin, I am placed firmly as an elephant. It is not easily penetrated or wounded. Arrows can be thrown at it and they bounce off quickly. I am well covered and self protected. Little things do not hurt me or cause me undue pain. If something does penetrate, it must be very strong. Other people I know have bird skin. It is like parchment and the slightest brush tears it open. Feathers go flying and they are exposed to the elements. By flying aimlessly into a place that is not necessary, they compromise their well being. They never learn tough. They need to take a lesson from the elephant. Stay in familiar waters and let things roll off your back.

Past Prediction

Does the past predict the future? It does unless changes are made. There is a family that we see at the pool every year. We call them "the entertainment". They are funny but not in a good way. The family dynamic is not healthy and has not changed since we met them. As soon as they walk in, we sit down and get ready for the show. There will be complaining, yelling, and nasty remarks towards each other. Then a minute later they are even keel. It is like a thriller movie. It is almost exhausting to watch, but you want to see it again next week. The woman knows she is acting poorly and tells me she will change but she never does. They must be getting something positive out of their constant battles or they would have ended it years ago.

Limits

Albert Einstein said that once we accept our limits, we go beyond them. That was his way of saying that in reality, we have no limits. We just need to baby step the process of life. I find myself telling this to some of my patient's parents when they speak to me for the first time. They want to project so far into the future that they are left standing still in the present. They are looking too far down the road. It is just like when I am driving my car. I know that my destination is 50 miles away, but I can only see 200 feet ahead of me. I need to have faith that if I stay the course, I will get there.

Adjusting

At some point you just have to let go of what you thought should happen and live in what is happening. It is not an easy concept to wrap your head around. We all have thoughts and dreams of what our ideal life should be. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it does not. The hardest thing to adjust to is when it worked out for a while and then was taken away. That is because you then know the difference. When someone loses a loved one, "should" is changed to "is". Some people work through it easier and others never do. I see this in my father. Even after a year, he is not accepting the "is". He still looks back to happy times with my mother and says that she "should" have lived longer. I have tried to stop giving him words of encouragement because I agree with him. In his circumstance, at 95 years old, he has earned the right to feel sorry for himself.

7-11

Today is my husbands birthday. 7-11 is a lucky number and he is a lucky person. Today he can even celebrate with a free slurpee at 7-11. I got him lottery tickets as a gift mainly because there is nothing else to get him. Since he has a close relationship with eBay, all of his whimsical needs are met on a daily basis, sometimes to my dismay. We will spend this afternoon with my father and we are lucky to do that. Then he will take a spin on the birthday wheel of a local restaurant and see what he wins. I always tell him that he has more luck than money and I think that is a secret to his success.

Compassionate Restraint

I have developed compassionate restraint over the past year. I have watched carefully as people responded to my parental situation. Almost everyone has been true to what I thought they were, but a small few have been a disappointment. Those are the ones that will be treated with compassionate restraint. To the people that gave flippant remarks or cliched answers, I will respond as they did. I am a very warm hearted person but I can lower the dial to freezing at a moment's notice. I have a situation now where someone's mother is not feeling well. While I understand the upset my coworker has, I am showing the concern that I was shown. It goes against my grain to do so, but I am still doing it. I want her to feel what I felt when my pain was diminished in her eyes.

The Toilet Reporter

We have a patient in work that has designated herself the office watchdog. After each visit she will tell us that the bathrooms need toilet paper or the air conditioning is too high. She is the one that reports stuffed toilets every now and then. The other day we realized something. If she is the first patient in the office for the day and she reports a stuffed toilet, then she is the one who stuffed it. Lately she has been using the employee bathroom that is usually locked. Last week she reported that it was stuffed. Does she stuff it just to be the one to report it? From now on, I will make sure it is locked prior to her visit. She is becoming too time consuming.

The Tracker

Since I got my smartphone I have become a weather tracker. I have two icons on the screen that check weather. I am beginning to see that they are both wrong. Yesterday they said today would be full sunshine. I differ with that opinion since I just walked my dog in the rain. If the report changes by the minute, it really isn't accurate. It is like a game of Scrabble. Toss out a cube and see what you get.

Level of Importance

I have two friends that both work. One has a very high level job and travels the country. One sells cosmetics from home to 20 people. We were having a discussion at the pool yesterday and I am still laughing. The woman with the "big" job was very low key. The woman with the "small" job is overwhelmed. We tried to break down what their responsibilities are. The 'Big" woman runs fundraisers, conferences and camps for a national association that deals with a particular medical condition. She is away for weeks at a time and is responsible for millions of dollars. The "Small" lady has to put 20 labels on bags , put a lipstick or eye shadow in each and bring it to someone's house at her leisure. The two women were trying to arrange meeting for lunch one day and the "Small" woman was not sure she could fit it into her busy schedule. I am still in disbelief at what I heard.

Daily Jeopardy

Most people have a daily Jeopardy life. Same questions, same answers. You know the answer before the question is stated. Most families have many of these interactions. It becomes a running script that outsiders are not privy to. Every once in a while a new answer is thrown into the rotation and will remain there forever. We belong to a club that no one else is asking to join.

Man Toy

My husband bought a toy cannon. It is supposed to make a loud bang when the button is hit. Last night he got it all set up and brought it outside for its first launch. He wanted it videoed. I held the camera while he crouched down to pull the trigger. I waited and waited. He kept hitting the trigger and nothing happened. He lifted it up and shook it. Still nothing. After 9 minutes I put the camera down. A second later the cannon fired. I did not have it on video. Maybe it was just camera shy.

Happy 4th

Happy 4th of July. It is absolutely gorgeous outside. It will be a perfect day for the beach, pool or family gatherings. The day always starts of wonderfully and if we use our common sense it will also end that way. If we wake up with ten fingers and two eyes, we should expect to go to sleep with them. That means being careful this evening as fireworks are shot off.

13/18

I have two lucky numbers, 13 and 18. Thirteen has been my lucky number for many years as everything good happens with the number 13. Eighteen is the number for chai, which is long life so many people think it is lucky. This morning I put on a new shirt and felt the label on the side scratching me. I pulled it off and glanced down at it. On one side it said "Inspected by #13". On the other side it said, "Inspected by #18". I put the label in a draw to keep it. How random.

Yesterday

I used to remember what I did the day before. Lately I cannot. The upside is that people I work with cannot either. I asked people what they did over the weekend and almost everyone looked perplexed. One doctor had no recall whatsoever about where he was. After thinking, he slowly recalled what he did but it took a few minutes for him to piece things together. The train of thought started with what he ate, then what his kids were doing and then his wife slipped into the mix. I used to have perfect recall, but I guess my mind has decided to let itself rest and not place importance on mundane thoughts. I am just glad that I remembered to go to work.

Change of Atmosphere

My father's summer schedule was put into motion yesterday and it worked well. My sister and I got him early and were back on Long Island by 10:30 am. We visited, ate lunch and got to the pool at 12:30. By 2pm he looked a bit overheated so she brought him and his aide back home to relax in the air conditioning while she returned to the pool. At 4pm I got them and came to my house where we had a lovely BBQ. At a bit after 6pm, we got into the car and drove them back to Brooklyn. After a quick bathroom visit, we were on the road again. By 8:15pm I was lying in bed relaxing and watching a bit of television. All went well.