Work

Today I go back to my office. It feels strange. I got up to my alarm and got dressed in real clothes. My sweatsuit will have to wait until later to see me again. It will only be me and the bookkeeper there for the next few weeks. We will need to do three weeks of work to catch up with mail and visits. At least I am one of the lucky people that can take her mind off of the world’s misery for a few hours a day.

Work

Tomorrow I hope to return to work. I have had to put 3 of my front staff on furlough in order for them to apply for unemployment. As soon as we open for patients again, they will return to their jobs. My office is supposed to be cleaned today so when I return it will be safe. No one has been there since March 13. I am looking forward to being productive again, although I am still a bit scared of venturing out. There will only be me and my bookkeeper there until the country opens up again. We will lock the door after we enter so no one else can walk in. We will take all safety precautions. Tomorrow I will be back in the world.

Mixed Messages

I got up this morning and read my daily dose of mixed messages. My Yahoo home page had articles from many sources. Some were true, some were false and some were "what ifs" It is the "what ifs" that are most disturbing as it is someone’s imagination. One article was about food production. It started of with a headline stating that food production would be limited. If I stopped reading after that paragraph, I would have run to the market and cleared the shelves. The article ended by saying that this would not happen as contingency plans would always be made. I need to stop reading and watching the news. It is not beneficial to me.

Frayed Nerves

We are all at the point of having frayed nerves. I know I am. I worry about the world. I worry about my family. I conjure up worst case scenarios and then spend the day crying about them. I guess this is the way I need to release my feelings. I know the world will never be the same.

Au Natural

I have not worn makeup for weeks. Why bother? If I am at home, who sees me? I have been watching television shows that are airing remotely from the celebrities homes. I have noticed one thing. Most women look better without all of the heavy makeup and eyelashes. I was watching one of the morning shows and saw a person that I thought was Kelly Ripa's younger sister. Then I focused in on her face and saw that it was Kelly. She looked so much younger without a face full of makeup. Since no one can use a makeup artist, they are forced to apply their own makeup and it seems that less is more.

Negative and Positive

Some people are negative and some are positive. I am not talking about the virus. I am talking about personalities. What makes us all so different? Is it a gene or a hormone or just different chemicals in our brains? We are all getting the same input of information for the past few weeks. Some take it in stride and others are falling apart. I compare my household situation to swimming. I am treading water to keep my head above it and not drown. Every time I catch my breath and feel like I am floating, a hand comes over my head and pushes it back into the water. The hand belongs to my husband. Last night he felt like his world crumbled because his favorite Chinese restaurant temporarily closed. When all of this is done it will open, and if it doesn't, another one will. I crawled into bed at 7pm just to begin my treading for the next day.

Negative Talk

With all that is going on in the world, why can't people stop their negativity and focus on a positive solution. I have unfollowed a few family members because their comments and rants have become too disturbing to read. People are dying and they are criticizing our government. Government is not made up of one person. It takes teams and committees of people to pass laws and legislation. Prior to the virus, the economy was thriving like never before. Was that poor leadership? Was the notion that America needed to be self sufficient wrong? We see now that by outsourcing to other countries, the previous administration put us in danger. I never knew we outsourced our pharmaceutical ingredients. Now I do and I understand even more why America needs to manufacture as much as we can on our own soil. Anyone who disagrees with that needs to look at what is happening now. People that make up funny nicknames for our leaders need to take a look at their own lives. How are you doing? How have you lived your life? Are you helping yourself or are you crying about what you don't have, yet doing nothing about it? Have you ever volunteered and given your time selflessly to others? Have you led an honest life? Stop your nonsense and close your mouth. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Sunshine

With every other freedom waning, do not take away my sunshine. The sun has become an integral part of my new life. I am trying to structure a schedule to make the day go faster. I am not trying to rush life, I am only trying to rush quarantine. I get up a bit later (for me, later is 7am). I straighten up the house (which is never messy). I eat breakfast slowly. I try to read a little. I limit television news to one morning show, which is the governor's press conference. I might cut that out today, as hearing numbers and sadness is taking its toll on my mental outlook. I eat lunch and prep for dinner. Then I take my lounge chair and sit outside for a while. This is where the sun comes in. Yesterday was raining so the slot for sun was cancelled. That made the day longer. Today the sun has returned so I will make the most of it. I am hoping to go back to work Monday after the office is sterilized. (My office is considered essential)

Hair Raising

When I realized that the hair salons were closing, I decided to get a haircut a few weeks earlier than usual. I was hair proactive. Now they are closed for a few weeks to months. What will people do? Long hair people will just let it grow. Men can always shave their heads on a 2 blade. Little boys can begin to wear the bowl cut that was so popular in the 1980's. It is the people with short layered hair that will suffer the most. Three months is the time when hair will get unruly. The layers are too long to be neat and too short to pull into a ponytail. Women with extensions will find their hair loosening up. When all is said and done, we will all look like nature intended us to. We need to take before and after pictures.

Counting Days

We are all counting the days. The days until we return to normal. The days when life returns to normal. When this is all over we will:
All go to restaurants
All go to movies
All go to malls
All go on vacations
All return to life as we knew it.

Sunday 1950

Our lifestyle has become a flashback to 1950. For the most part women did not drive. They stayed at home and took care of the house. Children played in the fresh air. Stores were closed on Sunday. We did the simple things close to home. We were no worse for it. No running around all over the place. No crowded areas. We have gone back to the past for a while and as long as it keeps us healthy, it isn't such a bad thing. 

So Much to Do

Since we are all either working from home or off, we have time to catch up on all of the things we have left to the side. In reality we won't. I have a "to do" list but I know it will turn into a "to didn't" list. I am so busy scurrying around with nonsense that the days flies by. I was up and out of the house by 7:30am on my food hunt. I have enough stock to last for a long time and as I walked down the aisles in the supermarket, I bought very little. I am secure with the food I have and will not go again for a while. I have decided to only watch nonsense television as the conflicting realities are not mentally healthy. The days will go by and so will the weeks and before we know it the crisis will have passed.

Ugly

It is going to get ugly out there. Not for the men, only for the woman. I am a minimalist and was never into having my hair and nails done professionally. Other than a haircut, I am good to go. I am low maintenance. It is the higher maintenance ladies that need to be concerned. What will happen if the nail salons are shut for a few weeks? Your beautiful manicured hands will look terrible. If a false nail pops off, your hands will look unbalanced. You are only three weeks away from people knowing your real hair color. The facade of beauty will be unmasked. The less attractive ladies will look stunning in their plainness. Forget running for toilet paper. Get your hair touched up and nails tightened, just in case.

Until the Next Thing

The hierarchy of life allows us to put things into perspective. Two weeks ago, our main problem was that we were no longer allowed to use plastic bags. It seemed so important then. Next we were told about a virus coming our way. We were concerned and it seemed important. Then the schools closed down so that was the more important issue. After that went the gyms, theaters and large gathering spaces. Now symptoms are appearing in people we know. What is next? The plastic bag ban seems so silly now that there are worse things to focus on. I can't wait until a few months from now, when we can refocus on insignificant things again.

21 Days

We are living in a movie plot. The world is having a pandemic event and we do not know what to do. Our normal way of life has changed in an instant. Things will return to normal again, we just do not know when. I am living on my 21 day plan. This is my mindset:

Days 0 - 7 day: We are in shock that things we do on a daily routine have vanished. We do not know how to adapt or what to do. We feel anxious and worried. Will we be safe? Will we be able to pay our bills? Where do we go from here?

Days 8 - 14: We are settling down. Businesses are making plans to run in a different way. We know that this is the new way, so our bodies and minds are adapting. A calmness takes over our anxiety. It is like stagefright. After you stand on the stage and stare at the audience, your comfort level returns to normal. We realize that life goes on and as long as we are healthy, we are strong and can get through this. We can still order in food. We can still go to the supermarket. We are free to take a walk and enjoy the outdoors.

Day 9 - 21: Things are normal but a new normal. We have adjusted to the new way of life. Schools are online so the children will still learn. The government knows more about the virus and how to safeguard its citizens. We adapt. We go on. When all is said and done, and the world opens up again, we see that life does not dictate how we will be. We do. 

Working From Home

For the next week or so I am working from home. I will still be able to call patients, book phone sessions and bill visits. It is weird to mix home and work. They are usually two separate entities. I will need to find a way to delegate a set time for this. We are all lucky that we are now in the computer age where many of our duties can be done remotely. In a way we distanced ourselves socially years ago. Now we have just gone a bit further.

Evolution of Man

Man evolved from the monkeys. Some people believe that theory and others do not. What evolution refers to is the survival of the fittest. Fittest does not mean strongest, it means those who can get through a situation the best. With today's problems, survival of the fittest is entwined with selfishness of the few. It is instinctive to want to protect your family and loved ones first. That is only natural. When protecting yourself infringes on allowing other people to protect themselves, that is where we see human nature at its worst. When people want to profit at the expense of someone else, I feel disgusted. This morning I read an article about two brothers from Tennessee who cleaned out the area's supply of hand sanitizer. They purchased almost 18,000 bottles from every store that had it, to sell at a profit to the people who need it. After posting them on Amazon for up to $70 for a $1 bottle, Amazon and eBay suspended their accounts. Now they are stuck with 18,000 bottles and nowhere to sell them. That means 18,000 families that would want to have 1 bottle, go without. How shameful. Now the problem is that they have spent over $20,000 on an item that is useless to them. They would have to sell it on the street to get rid of it and that is also illegal. It serves them right but at the expense of innocent people.

The Good Old Days

I want to go back to the good old days. I am talking about four months ago when the only worry in the world was whether or not a celebrity was breaking up with her baby daddy. Today the worries are real and the solutions are not set. We do not know how good we have it until we don't. I am a worrier by nature and should know better. If I can't change it, I need to go with the flow until it changes itself. My rational mind tells me this but my emotional mind pushes it out of the way. As with any problem in life, this too shall pass. It is the unknown of how and when that creates the havoc.

Mean Spirited

I dislike mean spirited people. There is a difference between being mean and being mean spirited. Yesterday I read something on Facebook that was written by a family member. Due to his own mistakes in life, he has been ostracized from part of his family, so he above all people should watch his words. He made a nasty comment about people getting tested for the deadly virus. He basically said that one person in particular should be tested for it and if we were lucky, die. I never respond to anything online but I commented that no one should ever wish sickness on another person and that those words that he said were unsettling. I then blocked him. I have no room in my life for his type of person.

Happy Birthday Mom

Today is my mother's birthday. It is the second one since she died. I asked her to show me a sign that she is with me. I know it sounds odd, but she shows me signs when I ask her to and they are undeniable. When I woke up I sang a few rounds of happy birthday to her. I went about my normal routine of feeding and walking Shelby. I got washed and dressed. Then I picked up my phone. Normally the phone is on the icon screen with a picture of my granddaughters. This morning it was on the calendar with today's date showing. In all of the years I have had an iphone, I have never seen this screen. I do not use the calendar app so there should have been no reason for it to open. That is my sign. Happy birthday Mommy.

Toilet Paper

Yesterday I went "doomsday" shopping. I am normally concerned about the virus, but people that are overly concerned are getting crazy in their thinking. Who decided that toilet paper was going to be non existent if the virus gets worse? It is not a stomach virus. I usually have four extra rolls of toilet paper and when I open that package I buy more. The other day I noticed that Walmart was completely out of stock. That is when I thought of my doomsday shopping list.
This is what I got:
1 package of toilet paper
1 can of peas
2 cans of soup
1 Nyquil
1 box of spaghetti
I am now ready for anything.

This Too Shall Pass

Events that escalate eventually dissipate. That is life. Right now we are in a state of unknown. Some facts are not deniable. There is a highly contagious virus. Uncharted waters are being tested. Some people are minimizing it while other people have a doomsday mentality. Who do we believe? Who should we believe? What do we do? I am choosing to go about my life with minor changes. I am washing my hands more and trying not to touch my face. I am disinfecting my office each morning as I arrive. Until otherwise ordered, I will go to work and do my normal routine in society. Someone told me yesterday that she was going to hole up in her house for months. She said that state lines will be closed soon. That thinking is extreme. If schools close, I have nothing to do with that decision. If sporting events close, that is their right to do so. It is better to be proactive than neglectful. Last night on the news, I heard one person say that if we act responsibly things will subside. I had another making it sound like I should have my last will and testament handy. All I know, is that I got up this morning and will go about my business. That is all I can do.

Restrictions

I received an email this morning from a local hospital that is in my insurance plan. It listed the new rules and regulations for visiting patients and the Emergency Room. When I read the restrictions, it reminded me of how things used to be. A child has to be over 15 years old to visit a patient. That used to be the rule. Then people decided that anyone of any age was free to visit. I never understood why a toddler needed to visit a hospital patient. There is now a one person visitor policy. Years ago when you visited a patient, you needed to go to the front desk and get a pass. Only two people per patient. If two people where there, you waited until they came down and handed in their pass so you could get one. I vividly remember waiting to see my nephew when he was born. I sat in the lobby until a pass was returned. The hospital that my husband volunteers in has suspended all volunteer services until further notice. Eventually things will return to normal and this will be a story from our past.

Decisions

What is worse, getting a virus or spending 14 days quarantined in a small room with your family? Most people would choose the latter. I know a few people that have cruises booked for the Easter break. While they have normal concern about the virus, they do not want to test the odds that one passenger out of 5000 might have a fever and cause the ship to be quarantined. You are not isolated on the ship, you are isolated in your room. Imagine the rooms without a porthole. Most of the people I know are postponing the trip and having a credit issued. Wise thinking.

Wired Differently

People use the expression that they are wired differently. Why are some people easy going and other people high strung? It has to do with the electrical impulses that run through our brains. Since electric systems have wires, that statement came about. Are medications the electricians of our brains? Do they straighten the wires so the impulses flow correctly? I want to be around people who have a well built circuit board, not people who are one step away from an electrical fire.

Customer Service

Nothing is better than good customer service. I needed to call Amazon this morning to check on something. Within one minute I was speaking to a customer service representative and my problem was solved. I did not have to hang on the line for one hour to be assisted. That shows a well run business. Sometimes I avoid making calls as I get more frustrated with the waiting time, than with the original problem.

What We See

Once you see it, it will always be apparent. If you know there is a stain in your carpet, no matter how small it is, you see it. No one else might, but you will. Everyday when I go into my bathroom, I look at one particular floor tile. I see Shelby's face in it. It is as if someone took a picture of him and painted it into the tile. This morning I took a picture of it to show to other people to prove what I see is real.

Our Own Terms

We are all entitled to live on our own terms. We are all entitled to die on them also. My coworker is in that situation now. Her elderly mother no longer wants to comply with the medical advice she is given, so therefore she will die. She has dementia and is in and out of her sensibilities. She no longer wants to eat and the doctors will not put in a feeding tube. No matter how hard my friend tries to feed her, her mouth is tightly clenched. Hospice is now being called in, so things do not look good. It is heart wrenching to see.

Age

Yesterday at work my bookkeeper needed to fill out a census form with all of the employees’ ages. She knew most of them but had to call one person for his birthdate. We can usually judge someone's age decade wisely by how they look. One exception is my husband. He looks like he is in his 50's but he is in his late 60's. I guess he lives a stress free life, since I do all of the family's worrying. When the bookkeeper called the doctor, he said he was born in 1964 which would make him almost 56. I thought he was late forties at most. I joked around that he did not know his own birthday and we almost called him to verify. His children are young so he fit the 40 profile. I guess we can all be fooled by looks.

March

I cannot believe it is March. So far the bad weather never came. I remember a winter of weekly snowstorms and having no more room to place the snow when we shoveled it. I remember 18 storms in one January and feeling like I lived in Antarctic. While we have had cold weather and high winds, we have not had to stay home from work because of dangerous roadways. I do my six week countdown to mid April, when we can all take a sigh of relief knowing that we are safe from the snow.

One Question

Sometimes when I get an idea for a blog, I write the title in the area for drafts. Most of the time, I give myself a hint on what the blog will be about, so I know what my thought pattern was. A few months ago I must have had a great idea and wrote the phrase "One question" in that area. Today as I was going through the draft section, I cannot figure out what those words meant. It must have been a good thought or I would not have jotted it down. Now the one question I can think of is "What was I thinking?".