Family Historian

I am the self appointed family historian. I want to know my family's roots. I have filled a book chronicling the arrival from Europe. I have documents and pictures to match. Yesterday at my parents house my sister found a red box. Inside it was a picture album that my mother meticulously put together. The pictures are from 1935 on. They show her family from teenage years until young adulthood. There are pictures of people I had never seen before. By putting together the stories I know, I can put names to the faces. I will place each photograph into my Family History book and clearly label who the people are. So many people have unlabeled pictures that are tossed away because no one knows who the people are. A cousin of mine from California sent me all of the pictures of her parents and our mutual grandparents and great-grand parents. She is a widow who never had children and for years worried that these precious pictures would be tossed in the garbage when she died. She now knows that they will be kept in a book to be passed on to my grandchildren. I feel a connection to my ancestors. I see my face in theirs. I will try to keep their memories alive.

Sunday With Dad

I am up, dressed and ate breakfast. At 8:15 my sister will pick me up to go to Brooklyn to take my father to dialysis. This is the second Sunday that this schedule is being changed because of the New Years holiday. We will drop him off and go to his house to straighten up. A few hours later we will pick him and give him lunch. Next week he will be back on track.

Spring Like

It is 51 degrees outside. It is winter but feels like spring. When I walked Shelby this morning, I thought it was April. The air had the springtime quality that feels wonderful after a long winter. Then I realized that the long winter had not even begun yet. Years ago I would check the Farmer's Almanac to see what type of winter it would be. It was usually correct. With all of the internet apps that is no longer necessary. I just hope it is a fast season.

Rain, Rain

It is another rainy Friday and soon I will be on the road to get my father from dialysis. Whether it rains or shines, the ride is still my quiet time. The car knows the way by itself so all I need to do is navigate the wheel. It is a deja vu day. I park in the same spot, see the same people, make the same polite conversation and get back on the road to Long Island. I like Fridays. Having a routine is a good thing.

Easily Forgotten

I am off of work from Dec 24 to Jan 2. I have already forgotten about my office. Last night I got a text from the evening receptionist asking if she could leave early as all of the patients had left. For a moment, I did not realize what day it even was. I forgot that my office was open. I have not thought about the people or the place. For the past few days it is as if they do not exist. I am playing the role of a retired person for one week and can see how easy it is to detach from a working life. I am not sure if I like it or not.

Backing Up

I am off this week and trying to do everything that I can to tie up loose ends. This morning I decided to put all of my important computer folders onto a flash drive. In case my computer crashes I am safe. Although the cloud is good, when I transferred my telephone contacts they were lost in the "clouds" so I no longer trust it. Everything backed up well and I do not have to worry if my computer breaks. One less thing on my list.

Christmas

This is the first Christmas in 14 years that I have not been in New England. It was a hard year for me, traveling almost every day to Brooklyn for months and now doing it twice a week. I saw my granddaughters last week and it was just too hard to make the drive again. I am now rethinking that decision. I miss the holiday with them. I miss seeing them open their gifts. I miss the family dinner. I miss the day. Next year, hopefully I will be there with them. It does not matter if you celebrate the holiday. You can still celebrate the family.

Move It Along

Today starts the official holiday week. I want to move the season along. I am looking forward to 2019 and all the good things it will bring. After today I will be off for a few days. I need them to just sit and do nothing. I have been running on the hamster's wheel for almost a year and the thought of sleeping a little later and having to be nowhere it a good one.

Up Early

We had a wonderful time at my party. Good food and even better company. I enjoyed every second of it. Now I am up early to go with my sister to take my father for dialysis. For the next two weeks he goes on Sunday instead of Monday, due to the holidays. We will drop him off and go shopping on "the avenue". It looks like nice weather.

Happy Birthday to Me

Today is my birthday. It is the first one without my mother. At 5:23am (the time I was born) my eyes opened. I said the phrase my mother had repeated for my entire life, "Thank you, Dr. Pace". She said that when I was born. When the doctor said I was a girl, she said thank you to him. We always laughed that he had nothing to do with me being a girl, but I guess in those days no one looked too deeply into things. She only wanted two girls and she was given the gift of a second daughter sixty three years ago today. It will be a hard birthday without her. I used to look forward to my parents singing the happy birthday song to me. We used to call them Roy Rogers and Dale Evans. When people in work would ask me what I got for my birthday I would say that having my parents sing to me and still being able to say the phrase, "Mommy and Daddy", was the only gift I wanted. This year I realized that I do not need any gifts. All I want is for my family to be healthy and happy. No material things are needed. The phrase, "Peace on earth and good will toward man", sums up what is really important.

Good Timing

Yesterday my sister and I visited my mother at the cemetery. We had the visit planned as it was the six month anniversary. We are never sure where the grave is, but we always find it right away. As we walked towards the area, we noticed that there was a headstone there. We had ordered one but had no idea when it would be set. We visited with her and filled her in on what has been going on. Then we noticed that the silicone on the stone looked wet. We went to the office and asked when the stone was placed there. The lady said it had been done just before we arrived. What timing.

Six Months

Today is six months since my mother died. It does not seem real. The time flew and dragged all at the same time. I still look at her pictures and think that she is alive and well in Florida. I do not think that my father will realize what today is and we will not tell him. There is no point to it.

Scent

We all have a different sense of what smells good to us. For the holidays, I bought a bulb plant for my boss. When I brought it home it looked like a bunch of scallions. I watered it every day for two weeks and it grew 5 inches and began to flower. When it did, it gave off the worst smell. To me it smelled like a putrid plant. I could hardly take the smell and couldn't wait until yesterday when I could bring it to work and give it away. I left it on her desk and the room filled with the stench. An hour later when my boss came in, she saw the plant and told me that it had the most wonderful perfume smell. She loved it. She said that it filled the room with a beautiful smell. I guess that we all have our sense of what smells nice to us. What I thought was disgusting, she thought was fantastic.

Holiday Party

Today is the annual work holiday party. I am sure it will be like all the rest. A group of people who have nothing in common, sitting in a room eating so so food. After a bit of silence, they will begin to talk about their patients. I will watch the clock until it is time to clean up.

The Yearbook

Remember the World Book Yearbook? Every year we would wait for the yearbook to arrive in the mail. As we opened the book, we could smell the knowledge. We would check to see what new words made it into the Webster's dictionary. Then we would look at which famous people passed away that year. We would then go page by page to see what information was added into the encyclopedia. It was so exciting. It was an event that lasted a few days as there was so much to read. My children and grandchildren will never know that feeling. All they need to do is keyword a subject and there it appears.

The Grinch

The Grinch party was a success! Even the Grinch showed up. The party was in full swing when the doorbell rang. Someone answered it and let the Grinch in. He ran up the stairs and went right for the birthday gifts. In one swoop he gathered them up and ran. Everyone was agast! The baby cried. How could this happen? A moment later the Grinch had second thoughts and returned the gifts. Everyone was happy again. He even posed for pictures with the children. The party was back to normal and everyone had a great time, even the Grinch!

Party

This afternoon is my granddaughter's sixth birthday party. I spent last night babysitting for the girls. I think I had more fun than they did. We ate dinner and played games. I put them into their pajamas and played some more. They are so much fun to be around!

Birthday Weekend

In a little while we will be on the road to see our granddaughters. The car is packed with gifts, and Shelby will be dropped off at his puppy hotel. I am looking forward to a wonderful weekend that is very much needed.

Fast Day

I just got up and hope the day flies by. I want to go to work and come home to pack for my weekend away. Tomorrow morning we will be going to New England for my granddaughter's birthday party. I need something happy to look forward to. I have been in the same routine for months and desperately need a change of atmosphere. My sister will hold down the fort for three days so I can relax and enjoy myself. I can't wait.

Six

My granddaughter is six today. She was born on the magical date of 12/12/12. She is a magical girl. She is the perfect blend of pretty, smart and playful. Since she was born, she has had a way about her that makes you think she is older. A certain wiseness. Some of the things she says make you wonder if she is really her age. She is my first grandchild and with that comes a special responsibility. She opened the world of grandparenting to me, a world that you do not believe exists until you arrive there. You think you know what this world is and when you get there you are so pleasantly surprised. I will see her this weekend for her birthday party and cannot wait to soak in every minute of her and her sister.

Training

This morning I will do a mandatory employee training on Sexual Harassment and Bullying. By January 2019, all employers must have a new policy in their guidelines and prove to the state that a training has been done. My presentation will be one hour and interactive. At the end,we will take a quiz and sign it as proof that all were in attendance. It is a course on common sense and good manners. People who lived in my generation lived by a different work standard. Everyone had the right to say stupid things and put their hands where they were not wanted. If the other person did not like it, tough luck. If you complained, you were being a baby. If it got real bad, you left. Now we are being asked to tiptoe around everyone else's feelings. I believe in the live and let live theory. Don't bother me and I won't bother you.

Ghost Buster

Back in June, a family picture had an angel orb on it. An angel orb is a circle that cannot be seen by the naked eye but is picked up in photographs. We all said that is was my mother. When I was in Florida, my husband went room  to room taking pictures but nothing appeared. For the past few weeks he has been wanting to take pictures at the Brooklyn house. Yesterday he brought the camera with us and as soon as we got into the house he began snapping away. When we got home, he downloaded the pictures. We looked at them together. Nothing in the living room, nothing in the two bedrooms and nothing in the bathroom. Then we got to the last picture. My father was standing between the kitchen and dining room totally unaware that a picture was being taken. Floating above his head were two angel orbs. We were shocked. My mother is in their house watching over him. In death as in life, she never left him.

The 1%

I was at Rite Aid yesterday waiting to check out and was standing behind what looked like a normal woman. She was having a regular conversation with the cashier. As she was done, she said that she had the worst nasal drip. I said that I did also. That is when she started to ramble. She said that if we all look at the sky, we can see the slight white line. We all looked out of the front window but had no idea what she was talking about. The she said that the 1% elite in the world were trying to get rid of the rest of the world so they can have it for themselves. She said that is why everyone is getting a cold and nasal drip. It is a plot to kill us off. I was thinking that the drip was from it being winter and the dry air, but I kept that to myself and let her continue to talk. Everyone on the line was just looking at her and the cashier was praying that the woman would just take her bag and leave. She continued to discuss her conspiracy theory as if it was reality. Finally she left. The cold and flu season is why people are getting sick and if the 1% elite want to have this world all to themselves, "Gay gezinte heit". It is all yours.

Better to Give

Yesterday I picked up my father from dialysis and dropped his aide off at the bus stop to go home. At dialysis I sat with her and we chatted for a while. She is a very nice woman who is kind and caring towards my father. She noticed the necklace that I wear everyday. It is a hand painted bee in a flower garden. I wear it for my mother. She asked where I got it and I told her that I made it. She asked how much I would charge to make her one. I said that I would love to make her one, but it would be as a gift. She was surprised and happy. I am just about finished with her bee and will give it to her tomorrow when I bring my father home to Brooklyn. Giving a gift feels better than making a sale.

My Own Doctor

For the past few weeks, I have had a "sinus thing" going on. I have been to the doctor three times. I know what needs to be done but since I cannot write my own prescriptions, I need to let them treat me first. This season many people are suffering from the same thing. Years ago you got a penicillin shot in your behind and you were cured. I have had two treatments with Prednisone and after each one ends, the sinuses act up again.  I know what the right medication is. I need antibiotic. I do not want to hear about "viral" symptoms. After three weeks, we need to bring out the real medications. I want Augmentin 875mg x 2 day. This morning I will go back to the doctor and demand my antibiotics. I gave them a chance 3 times now I need to step in.

Dormant People

Lately I have such crazy dreams. It is odd enough to have them, but for some reason people from the past have been appearing in them. The people are ones that have no significance in my life and never did. They are college friends and friends I worked with forty years ago. Why are they lying dormant in my brain waiting to come out and play at night? What nerve endings are they attached to? If you really sit and think about it, where are memories stored? We know that we have a brain that consists of grey matter and swirls, but I cannot fathom the actual workings of it. Other organs are easy to decipher. Blood runs through veins, air fills the lungs, food flows through the digestive system. These are all concrete functions. The brain is another story that I cannot truly figure out. My brain can't solve the question of my brain.

Great Day Off

Yesterday I accomplished everything I needed to do and more. I have a clean slate of errands. I did all of my holiday shopping and even wrapped the gifts. Other than my family, no one else really deserves a gift but we are all guilted into buying something for people because it is expected of us. Every year I buy gifts with my receptionist, but this year I decided to go it alone and I did well. I got the most for my money, a better ROI. This morning I am back to work, but with a clearer head.

Day Off

I have the day off today. My boss wants everyone to use their days off before the end of the year so I have three more days to go. I plan on leaving them for the last three days of the year just in case I need them before that. Hopefully not. As each day goes by, my boss is getting weirder and weirder. She is changing rules and thinking up crazy things to try to rebuild her business. She is 66 years old and has nothing else in life, so she is desperately trying to figure out her future. She is not seeing the big picture though. She is alienating her loyal staff. This year alone, five of her doctors have walked out on her to start their own practices. If she was nice, they would still be with her. My receptionist and I are now 63 and could walk out at any given moment, being social security age. Her one last hope is starting a PhD program in September. When you stop considering the feelings of others, the house of cards tumbles down. And the cheese stands alone.....

Jam Packed December

December is like the bottom of the jelly jar. It needs to be scraped clean in order to put it aside and feel like you have gotten the most out of the year. Sometimes it takes a little extra effort when you reach the bottom of the glass. There is a bit more jelly than I would like in this year's jar, so I need to get my spatula out this week and use a heavy hand when scraping.

Rainy Day

It is another rainy day. For the past few months the weather has been off and on. One day nice, one day miserable. The ups and downs of the weather reflect the ups and downs of my life. I would like to find a mid range so I can just settle down and regroup a bit.

One to Go

Eleven down, one to go. It is December. This year flew by and dragged on. I want it to be over and done. The year 2018 was not a good one for me. January started off great with the birth of my beautiful granddaughter. From February on, it has been a nightmare. Sickness, death and sadness have prevailed. I feel like I have had no peace of mind. My days and weeks flow from figuring out one problem to solving another. I am not the only one that this has happened to but none the less, it is grueling. I have a few nice weekends planned for this month so hopefully it will end on an upbeat note.