First Anniversary

Today is my parent's wedding anniversary. They were married on the same day as my father's parents and his mother's parents. It is the first anniversary since my mother has died. I don't know how my father will be today. Last year we celebrated in the hospital with a party for the staff. It was such a nice celebration. Everyone on the floor joined us and my mother was the belle of the ball. I am so glad that their last anniversary together holds such a wonderful memory. I am not going to mention anything when I talk to him in the morning. I can't have the both of us crying when I am at work.

What You Asked For

If you ask for something you must live with that decision. Sometimes it is not easy to undo your request. It becomes your fault and not the fault of the person who implemented your request. Last week a regular patient called to say that he wanted a break from therapy and to cancel all future appointments. They were cancelled. Last night he showed up for his regular time slot but there was a new patient in it. He swears that the day after he cancelled, he called to rescind his request. No one remembers speaking to him. He drove one hour to find that there was no room at the inn. This is an expression my office uses when this happens. I do not know the outcome but I will find out later. The moral of the story is to say what you mean and mean what you say.

Morning Math

Every morning I wake up and do a math problem. As soon as I open my eyes, I calculate how many minutes I have until my alarm goes off. For some reason if I have over thirty, it makes me feel good. When it is less than 15 I feel like the day is working against me. This morning the problem was 6:05am alarm and 5:25am actual time = 40 minutes left to sleep. Now that I look at the problem on paper, I see that time math is different than real math. I guess I never noticed that before. The math answer to that problem is 80 but the time answer is 40. Either way, I did not sleep enough.

Windy Day

The wind has been blowing like a hurricane for the past few hours. Every once and a while it stops and things seem calm. Then out of nowhere, it starts all over again. It is an analogy of life. It is unpredictable. Things seem wild then they calm down. Things seem calm and then they rage again. I am getting too old for extremes, whether it be in nature or life.

Happy Birthday

Today my sister is 65 years old. She is not the face of 65. She is the face of maybe 50. When I look at pictures of the previous generation, 65 looked like 80. In the 1940's, 25 looked like 50. She has more energy than most people and friends coming out of the woodwork. She is living a great life (knock, knock, poo, poo, poo, no kinahoras). She is my best friend and I was lucky that god placed me into her family. Not many people have the bond that we do. She is the yin to my yang and the peanut butter to my jelly.

Old Photo

Yesterday my son texted me an old family picture. I have no idea why he had it. It was from 1979 and was taken before an anniversary dinner for my brother in law and sister in law. I remember it as if it was yesterday. My son said that he has this picture for 25 years and it went with him when he got married. I was 23 at the time. My mother in law, who was a dead ringer for the movie character Mrs. Doubtfire, was about 53 when it was taken. She looked like she was in her 70's with her poofy beauty parlor hair. I have no idea who took the picture. Hmm, now that I think of it, we had returned from dinner to have dessert with an aunt and uncle, so I bet he took the picture. Time has flown by, but the memories never fade.

Where Is It?

The other day I saw a travel toothbrush. This morning I wanted to get it to clean my ring. I have no idea where it went. I checked all of the places that made sense but it was not there. Then I checked all of the places that made no sense and it was not there either. I know I saw it, but it is nowhere to be found. I am sure that months from now I will be looking for something else and it will appear.

Two Seasons

I woke up this morning and it looks like winter. The forecast today is for spring weather. This has been a weird year for the weather. Yesterday it snowed and the snowfall was minimal, but the impact was big. When I left work, it did not look bad but it was. The driving was slippery. I got onto the parkway and it was at a standstill. It crawled along and it took me 20 minutes to go one exit. As I kept crawling, I saw why. There was a six car pileup in the left lane. Even in the worst of snow storms, I have never seen six cars hit each other. I guess they miscalculated the road conditions.

She's Back

After being in Asia for 3 1/2 weeks, my boss is back home. Today she will return to the office. It will be like a tsunami. The office ran well in the time she was gone. Not one problem. Running a business without a boss is heavenly. She is a nice woman but lately she is driven to advance her business in ways that are not realistic. We will all brace ourselves for the fun and games.

Directions

Years ago I made direction sheets for all new employees. It was a step by step sheet of how to do their work. It was a template. As the years went by, people got lax using it and just knew what to do. We have a new employee and the staff is trying to train her with their own method. It is going okay but not great. When I saw what they were doing, I asked why they were not doing it the other way. They said that since they knew how to do it the fast way, the new girl should too. I disagreed and am now rewriting the template that should have been using in the first place.  Everyone needs a good foundation to do the job well.

Quicksand

As my father gets older, he gets funnier. He always had great sayings and analogies. Yesterday he had one of his best. After being with me for the weekend, he sensed that I was more stressed than usual. We all have a lot going on in our lives. That's what life is, a series of events. When he went back to my sister's house he compared me to quicksand. He said that every time my hand reaches above ground, someone is there pouring more sand on me. What a great observation. It is so true and he hit the nail on the head by saying it.

New Pillow

Every night I go to sleep and fight with my pillow. I have tried tens of pillows ranging from $5 to $50 and none of them feel good. My neck feels bent and twisted and I wake up with a headache. I was resigned to the fact that there is no pillow in existence that will give me a good nights sleep. Yesterday, I received a new pillow from my son. It was a fluffy material with the a patch of the state of Massachusetts sewn onto it. I put it on my bed as a show pillow. When I went to sleep, I decided to try it out as a sleep pillow. It was a miracle. It was just the right height and just the right softness. My neck fell into the perfect position. I slept all night and woke up pain free. What a nice surprise.

Informed mail

I signed up for an app that allows you to see what mail you will be getting that day. Each morning a snapshot of the envelopes is posted onto my online mail account. It is called Informed Delivery. That way I get to see what mail the post office is supposed to deliver. If it is not delivered, at least I am aware that it is coming. Sometimes there is a one day variable. When I first signed up, it would not allow me to continue so I just forgot about it. A day later the app was working and I have been using it for about a month. This morning I got signed out and had no idea how to get back in. I never wrote down the username or password because it would not allow me to sign up originally. After wasting one hour and every word combination I know, I was back in again. This time I have logged the information into my password book.

Delicate Ecosystem

I always joke around that I have a delicate ecosystem. I have always been a bit more sensitive to stimuli. I am the "one in a" person when a label warns that "one in a thousand have a side effect". Yesterday I had a nasal procedure done. After years of a drippy nose and nasal drip, I decided to have a new procedure done that freezes a part of the nasal passage that triggers the runny nose. It is a safe, easy procedure and maybe, "one in a" thousand have a reaction. Guess what? I was the "one in a". Immediately after the procedure was done, I got the worst migraine ever. I have no idea how I even drove home. I vaguely remember crying as I checked out at the doctor's office. I barely made it home and it felt like someone banged my head with a baseball bat. My nose felt like cement was poured into it and I could not breath. I got into bed and stayed there until now. Today I am still a bit congested, but I will be like that for a few weeks until my nose heals. I hate being a one of a kind person.

Valentine's Day

Today I am sad. It is Valentine's Day and most people celebrate it with cards, candy, flowers or jewelry. I will do none of that. One year ago today, my mother was well. My father bought her flowers and a card and they had a nice dinner. I wished her a happy day and talked to her a few times as usual. Little did I know that later that evening my world would fall apart. She didn't feel well when she went to bed and when I called the following morning, I knew something was wrong. I left work and when I arrived at their house I saw that she had a stroke. From that moment on, life would never be the same. If I knew what the day held, I would have talked to her for hours. I would never have wanted to say goodbye.I know we can never go back in time for "what if's" but I just wish I knew then what I know now.

Big Green Box

Where have all of the big green boxes gone? Maybe it is just my neighborhood, but the green boxes have disappeared. The boxes I am talking about are the mail boxes that used to sit next to the blue mailboxes. They contained the mail overflow that the mailman was supposed to deliver that day. It was a holding box. I can't remember when they left. They just disappeared and no one seemed to notice or care. I am sure there are dozens of other old fashioned items that have gone by the wayside that no one has noticed. I guess that once something's usefulness is phased out, no one cares about it. Out of sight, out of mind.

John Hancock

Years ago when a document had to be signed, people used the expression, "Put your John Hancock on it". That referred to one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence. This generation would probably not know who he was or what his name meant. Any signatures we have to do are mostly "e" signatures. Unless they have to be notarized, a monkey can hit the keyboard letters, as no one has a real signature. This morning I have to "esign" a document. All I need to do is type my initials and be edone with it.

Lost Weekend

It is Monday and I have no idea where the weekend went. It is one big blur. I thought weekends were for relaxing. Now I am beginning to think that work days are for that. In work I do not have to think. After being at my job for so long, it just flows by itself. Nothing earth shattering will happen if I solve a problem with option A or option B. I am up and dressed and soon my car will navigate its own way to my job.

Marking The Week

I mark my week by my routine. Today I take my father back to Brooklyn, so it must be Sunday. Years ago there was a movie, "If Its Tuesday, It Must Be Belgium". That is how I feel. Each day has a responsibility attached to it. If it is Friday, it must be the day I pick my father up in Brooklyn. If it is Sunday, it is the day I return him home. The weeks go by and the routine remains the same. I hope it remains the same for a long time, as that means my father is doing okay.

Different Stages

Last night I spent time with my grandchildren. Even though I see them often, each week I see changes. My granddaughter is growing so fast. She is over a year now. She is a very happy, smiling girl. She was crawling all over the place and followed me upstairs when I left the room. Since there is almost a five year age difference with her brother, they are at opposite stages. We are waiting for her teeth to come in and waiting for his teeth to fall out. We looked in both mouths to see the progress. She has four teeth and more are on the way. He has one loose tooth that is days away from falling out as the new one is coming in behind it. When I face time with my two granddaughters that are not in New York, I see how they are growing by how they converse with me. The conversations might not be long but they are sensible. Time flies and I am trying to be in the moment with all of their changes.

Meatloaf

Meatloaf is the great American food. You either love it or hate it. It depends on who made it and their recipe. I have made great meatloaves and I have made terrible ones. Tonight I will make one using my son's recipe. It is precise down to the internal temperature when cooked. The ingredients are the traditional ones with one or two extras. His family loves it. I hope I make it as good as he does. They will be coming for dinner so they will be the judges.

Opposite

Sometimes the opposite of what you think you want is best for you. We all have our wishes and then we have reality. Many times we do not know what is best for us until it becomes real. For the past year when I have hired new staff, the policy was to scrutinize the person's background, both personal and professional, and if they had no medical office experience, they would not be considered. Last year the interview process changed from only me to me and then a panel of doctors. No one was good enough. If they were hired, then they were put under so much pressure that they left within a short time. Recently when we needed a new staff member, I put my foot down. There would be no more multiple interviews. I would be the sole person responsible to hire and I would hire whomever I felt was best on my gut instinct. This is how I always hired and the staff stayed for years. Last week, I interviewed a nice girl. She had no medical background. She was personable and I hired her on the spot. She is on time, takes notes and is learning quickly. Lo and behold, the "panel" of doctors love her. I did the opposite of what they wanted and it turned out to be as good as expected.

Sorority

I was going to write about a totally different topic this morning until I saw an article on the internet. It was about the Democratic women wearing white at the State of the Union Address. It reminded me of a bunch of giggling sorority girls planning what to wear at the Fall dance. I could picture Nancy Pelosi sitting in her room, in pj's, calling her friends in a round robin call. "Let's all wear white to the dance!!"  The other girls would be in hair rollers, like in "Bye, Bye, Birdie". Don't they remember what happened the last time they wore white pant suits? They spent the next week crying and trying to become a Canadian residents. Now that I am thinking about it, how come none of the celebrities that vowed to go to Canada went there? Another bunch of whining babies. It seems so childish to color coordinate clothes at their ages. It looks ridiculous and gives them no credibility. It makes them seem like little girls who have no way to express themselves unless it is through fashion. Maybe if they spent more time trying to negotiate a deal rather than plan their wardrobe, we could come up with a compromise.

Date Range

Yesterday a patient called and told me that he had called his insurance company to see if his claims were paid and got the run around. He asked if I could call for him and I said I gladly would. After being rerouted twice, I got to the proper department. I asked the girl for the status of the claims and was told that the claims from 10/3/18 through 10/24/18 were pending medical records, but the claims from 10/10/18 through 12/19/18 were being processed for payment. I asked her which was the correct info. Were they pending or processed? She gave me the same answer about the date ranges. I told her that the dates overlapped, so what was pending and what was processed. Again, she gave me the same answer. Now I had to baby step her through the call. If the 10/10, 10/17 and 10/24 dates were in the 10/3 through 10/24 grouping and also in the 10/10 through 12/19 grouping, what was the definitive status of those dates. Are they pending or are they processed. She had no idea what I was saying. Now I asked her to write down the dates. Look at them. They appear in each group. It was like "Who's on first, What's on second and I Don't Know is on third." After 10 minutes of repetition she finally got it. The date of 10/10 was the only one processed. All others were pending. I hung up the phone, informed the patient and took two Excedrins.

Fast Track To Heaven

Sometimes I wonder if there is a fast track to heaven. If there is, I think that there might be a seat reserved for me. If there is not, I have let a lot of people slide on things that should have been addressed. As I get older, I pick and choose arguments. I do a quick evaluation of whether or not a situation matters enough to me to point it out to the offending party. I weigh the pros and cons and try to figure out what the bottom line will be before I act. In most cases it is just not worth it, so I choose to ignore it and not make waves. I hope my decisions will be rewarded because if not, there are a bunch of people who really need to be straightened out that weren't.

Surprise

Last night my sister had a surprise 65th birthday party. Just writing the number 65 seems weird. To me she is still 25. She does not look nor act her age. My brother in law put a lot of thought and effort into making this celebration and all of his hard work paid off. She was totally surprised when she walked into the room. The guest list was all of the people that were special in her life. She has many friends and if everyone was invited we would have needed a large hall, so just the special few were there. The food was great and the dessert was delicious. The best part was seeing my father sitting next to her. My mother was there in spirit.

Not Enough Time

As usual, I picked up my father from dialysis yesterday. Some Fridays he seems peppy and others he seems sad. Yesterday was a bit of a sad day. He wanted Chinese food so we headed to the take out and were planning to eat there. When we entered the store it was freezing, so we took the food to go. He is not a fussy eater but he did not like the food. The soup was too thick (which it was). The chow fun tasted very salty (which it was). He finished his food and we went into the living room to read. This is the regular routine. He took his power nap and when he got up he started to cry. He said he missed my mother and that he did not have enough time with her. That statement made me feel both happy and sad. To be with someone for almost 67 years and think that it was not enough time, is a testament of his love for her. That made me happy. To be with someone for almost 67 years and miss them so much, is also a testament of his love for her. That made me sad. I do not think that he realizes that when he speaks about his wife, he is also speaking about my mother. If he is hurting then so am I.

Hit The Save Button

Yesterday I went to an ENT specialist. After months of congestion, I decided that I needed a specialist. I called on Monday and was told that the first opening was Thursday at 3pm. They said that I had not been there since 2013 and I gave them my updated insurance information. I arrived at 2:30pm and when I signed in, the receptionist looked at me oddly. She asked if I had an appointment. I said that I had a 3pm. She said that it was not in her schedule. I recounted my conversation from Monday and she said that the insurance was updated but no appointment was there. I looked at her very calmly and said that if the insurance was changed and I knew that the office opened at 3pm, it was not my error but theirs. She was a very nice woman and told me not to be concerned as I would be seen at 3pm just as I had been told. She handled a bad situation very well. At 3pm I was promptly taken. I must commend the receptionist for knowing how to handle herself and making me feel that the office was well run.