X-pathy

 The English language has so many wonderful words but I have come to the conclusion that one very important one is missing. It is a self created new addition named X-pathy. The "X" stands for the unknown factor. The dictionary defines sympathy as feelings of pity or sorrow for someone else's misfortune. It defines empathy as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Can anyone really understand the feelings of another person? That is where X-pathy comes in. Even though you have been in someone's shoes, whether is has been with an illness or a loss,  you cannot feel what they are feeling. You can only feel what you have felt in those circumstances and to think otherwise is not realistic. This thought has become more apparent in the last few months. I have suffered the loss of my mother as have millions of other people this year. The difference is that my mother and the relationship I had with her, is different than another person's relationship with their mother. There are people that have had an acrimonious relationship with their parents their entire life. There are other people that have the closest bond imaginable. The point is, that no one has walked in my shoes but me, even my sister, who had a wonderful relationship with our mother. The more we share stories, the more we find out, that our mother had special things that she said to one of us, that were different than the special things she said to the other. I just want people to acknowledge that they really do not know how I or anyone else feels. I do not need sympathy. I do not need empathy. I need X-pathy.