The Egg

I love analogies. They give good advice in the form of a story that people can relate to. You can see points of view that would have otherwise been overlooked. I love the analogy of an egg to a relationship. The relationship can be with anyone you care about. If you put an egg in the palm of your hand, it is safe. If you hold onto it too tightly, it will crack. If you hold onto it too loosely, it will fall from your hand and break. If you let it sit in your hand calmly, in its natural state, it will be perfect. That is a wonderful lesson for how we treat relationships. 

Look Ahead

Does anyone think ahead? I read a few online articles this morning about people who are in trouble with the law or their employers. It is obvious that they lived in the moment and never thought that what they were doing was not right. I have often been called a worrier, as if it was a bad thing. I have explained that worriers usually don't have to pull themselves out of bad situations. It is the people that think nothing will happen to them that need a shovel to clean up the mess they have made.

Same Eyes, Same Ears, Different Experience

I brought up two good children. They are smart, sensible and have good values. I remember the years but I do not remember the days. The overall experience is in my memory bank but the details have faded. Now that I have grandchildren, I am seeing the details of childhood. My eyes see them playing and learning as each day passes. My ears hear their laughter and astounding thoughts for children their ages. Each week I see such a difference in appearance and demeanor. I guess that I was too busy doing the work of child rearing to notice everything my own children were doing. Now that my children are doing the work, I can reap the benefits.

Credibility

If you lose credibility, nothing you do will be looked at the same. One of my part time receptionists has lost her credibility with me and now we have a problem. I will have to call her into work to have a formal evaluation so I have documentation when I fire her. Years ago I would have just let her go,but nowadays I have to jump through hoops to make sure that I am politically correct, otherwise I look like the wrong one. How sad. The situation revolves around her being late and calling in sick just before her shift begins. The lateness is weekly and only by a few minutes, but if she was catching a train, the few minutes would mean that her ride was gone. Her "ride" is her job. For the past few weeks she has called in sick one half hour before she was to be at work. The first time she said she has an emergency doctor visit. The second time she had a car accident on her way to work. The third time she had to fast for a Hindu holiday and would be at the mandir (temple) all day. I looked up Hindu holidays and I cannot find one for yesterday. Now I am doubting if she had a car accident or if she has a serious illness that led to an emergency doctor visit. Without credibility there can be no trust.

Stand Your Ground

Sometimes it is hard to stand your ground. By doing so you look uncooperative even though you are right. Giving in or swaying to public opinion is the easy way out when a situation has two distinct sides to it. This type of situation is happening at work. We have a patient's family who is telling, not asking, me to bill his account a certain way to get more insurance money back. I will not do what he wants because it is not correct. I like patients to get maximum reimbursements back, but only in an honest way. He is trying to skew codes to fit what he thinks is good for him. My boss is wavering on what to do but I am standing my ground. I will not do what is not 100% true. It is getting to the point that I am looking uncooperative but I do not care. I will not go back and forth with the family through email. If they want to talk, they can call me. I am too smart to write emails that can be twisted. If my boss decides that she will do as they ask, I will log her into the system and have everything done under her name, by her hand. I will not be forced to comply.

Picture Perfect

From the moment I woke up yesterday, I knew the day would be perfect. The sun was as bright is it could be and the cool breeze was delightful. It was a picture perfect day for a wedding. When I arrived at the temple, the atmosphere was energetic. Everyone was there to share the joy of the upcoming marriage. The crowd was glowing as much as the bride was. Every person in the room was there to join in the happiness of a family that deserved nothing less than their best wishes. Seeing my niece being escorted down the aisle by her beaming parents brought tears to my eyes. I could see that the rest of the guests felt the same. The ceremony was meaningful as the bride and groom held hands through the entire service. The party was high energy from the moment we all walked into the room. I guess that is what happens when every guest brings such positivity into the room. I danced more than I ever have and enjoyed a delicious meal. The hours flew by as they always do when you are having fun. As I write this, I am looking at the flowers from the chuppa that were given in bouquets to each guest as they left. I will have fond memories of this day forever. Some days are just picture perfect because that is what they deserve to be.

Wedding

Today is my niece's wedding. It is also her father's birthday. Who would have thought that when my mother in law gave birth to her first child on this date, that child would have the same joy walking his first daughter down the aisle 71 years later. The first date was an unplanned one, but today's date was chosen. It is a testament to family history. It is a beautiful sunny day with perfect temperature. I am looking forward to seeing the beginning of a new wonderful life for my niece and soon to be nephew.

Routine

I am at the age where one change throws me off. I got up a bit  later than usual. Shelby didn’t eat. I got dressed later. Just now I realized that I forgot to write my blog. One change in routine messed up my thought pattern. Old age is setting in.

The 6:34

When you have a daily routine that is attached to a specific time, it becomes a part of your schedule. I have the 6:34am. It is not a train departure time, it is a phone call. Every weekday at 6:34am my telephone rings. It is my sister. I know that the day has begun. We talk about anything and everything. We laugh and we cry. We hash out the events of the day before and plan for the day ahead. When the phone call ends we are always smiling. Everyone should be on their own 6:34.

Numbers Up

Many times in life your "number is up". The one that makes us very unhappy is when the number comes in the form of the jury duty notice. Yesterday two people I know received the notice in the mail. One person has number 2951 and the other has number 171. Number 171 will have to go to the courthouse for sure. Number 2951 will just have to call in and the chances of a trip to the courthouse are slim to none. As soon as you open the notice, your mind is filled with thoughts of what you can do to avoid serving on the jury. The doctor's note is one option if you have a condition that is note worthy. Next people will say that they will just answer all of the questions in a negative way. They do not realize that the questions that are asked are not formed in a way that will excuse you. I heard the best method of avoidance yesterday. It involved eating a lot of garlic and then rubbing it on your body and underarms to smell so offensive that no one would want you to be in the room with them. Actually, I find that one quite creative.

My Way

One of Frank Sinatra's biggest hits is the song "My Way". Many things in life do not have a right or wrong way. They can be accomplished in many different ways, each one being correct. If the way they are done leads to a good ending, how can the method be criticized? Does the toilet paper roll pull from the top down or the bottom up? Does an omelette get flipped over or does it get cooked slowly until it is solid? Do we heat pizza with the tin foil open or closed? Do towels get folded in half or in thirds? There are no answers for these pressing questions. There is no better or worse way. If the method is admonished you can just say, "I did it my way."

Never Too Late

Yesterday I saw a short video clip from one of my old research assistants from work. It was the final moments from the view of a plane window, before his plane touched down in Hawaii. There were many comments saying congratulations. I was curious as to why he was now in Hawaii, so I contacted him. He was in Hawaii to do the final year of his psychology internship before he gets his PhD. Normally this would be a great story but the complete story shows how it is never too late to follow your dream. About six years ago, a man walked into my office and said that he was the new research assistant. Normally the assistants are 20 years old and are there to get experience so they can apply to graduate school. They are not paid as it is a volunteer position. This man was 42 years old. He was a cameraman for major television shows and commercials. He went back to school, got his degree and completed his first internship. Hawaii is his final step before becoming a doctor. I give him so much credit for following his dream.

Party Planner

I am usually the party planner at work. We all decide on the menu and I do the ordering. I also do the set up. Tomorrow one of the front desk girls is leaving. She will begin a PhD program and has no time for anything else. My boss wanted to be involved in the party planning and had some ideas for a nice meal. I was not involved as when too many "cooks" are discussing, it gets messy. Tomorrow is the party. My boss is stuck in a third world country. I think that everyone is assuming I will be taking care of things and that is not the case. If I ask my nasty receptionist what is going on, she will use her daily phrase, "Don't know, don't care". I do not plan to say a word. When tomorrow comes and nothing has been done, I will call down the block for three pizzas.

Signs or Coincidences

Are there really signs from our deceased loves ones or are there just coincidences that we turn into signs? I believe in signs and no one can tell me otherwise. If they did, it would just be their opinion as no one will ever know the answer, at least not while we are here on earth. I was at a family celebration yesterday and for a fleeting moment, I could not wait to get home to call my mother and tell her about it. It was a thought or maybe a familiar feeling, that lasted a nano second, where I forgot that she was no longer here. Once my mind was back to the present, I felt bad that she would never know about the wonderful day. When the event was over, I got into my car to leave. As we pulled away, on the windshield was a tiny bee, right in front of my eyes. It was walking up and down, almost like it was trying to get my attention. My husband never noticed it as it was only in my line of vision. This has happened twice before. Once was when my husband had surgery and I was eating dinner alone, a bee appeared on my food and walked up and down then flew away. The next time was when I was driving back to Long Island with my father. The bee sat directly in my line of vision and rode with us for miles, looking into the car. Prior to her death, I had never had any encounters with bees. I would have remembered one, as a bee usually frightens people and when we see one we take notice. I truly believe that the bee yesterday was a sign from my mother saying that she did in fact see what was going on. I wear a glass bee around my neck and her name was Bea. Sign or coincidence?    

Bad Judgement

Judgement comes from experience, so why do people have bad judgement when they know the previous outcome of a situation? My boss has an elderly mother. Two months ago they traveled to Florida to visit family. The mother felt sick, went to the emergency room and stayed in bed for most of the trip. They made the trip home and my office was relieved. Knowing that this situation happened, how could my boss book a trip to a foreign country for her and her mother? The week prior to leaving, her mother was at the doctor almost every day. She was not feeling well and had many tests. In their infinite wisdom and terrible judgement, they kept their plans and flew half way across the world. What do you think happened? She got sick and has been in the hospital for the last week with infections, congestive heart failure and pneumonia. My boss has to remain there with her indefinitely. This morning I got an email asking if Medicare will pay for any of these expenses. No, it won't. We all warned her not to travel with her mother, but her bad judgement overruled our good judgement.

Drive

Does your mind posses an idea or does an idea posses your mind? I call an idea that possesses your mind a driving force. Everyone has thoughts and plans, but many times they never come to fruition. When a thought gets so entwined in your brain that it is all you can think of, things usually get done. Most successful people have been working on their success for years. It was not fleeting. Their idea came into their mind and would not leave. It possessed it. The only way to drive it out was to do the task that was asked of it. That is what I mean by driving force.

No. It is a complete sentence with only one word.  I proved that yesterday for one of my employees. A new girl has been working for us for six months. We see great potential in her and decided to train her for a more administrative position. Along with that comes a raise. The promotion idea started with her asking for a raise and if she did not get one she was giving 2 weeks notice. She is 33 years old, a college graduate and very smart. She took the job for a small salary. More than minimum wage on Long Island, but less than minimum wage in the city. She saw potential here and gave it six months. If there was no movement in responsibilities she was moving on. My boss agreed that she would be a good addition to our management team in the future. I asked the girl what her salary requirement was and she told me. It was reasonable. After much discussion, the co-director talked with her and told her she was moving up. She would get a small raise to train and another raise after 6 weeks. The girl reluctantly agreed because she did not feel comfortable arguing about the salary. She called me up to tell me that she felt upset about the two step raise as we know her work ethic, and she was insulted. I called the co-director and told her that the plan she presented was not good. She said she thought it was fine. I said, "No". One word. She knew I was serious about this so she said, "Okay, the girl will get the full raise as of Monday". One word, one sentence, one positive outcome.

Keeping Afloat

Your boat cannot sink if the water is not allowed to get into it. The same holds true for your attitude. If you keep a tight seal around positivity, negativity cannot bring you down. There is one more variable to the mix and that is reality. It is like a formula in a laboratory. If you take reality and mix it with positivity, you get happiness. If you take reality and add negativity to it, you get unhappiness. How many times have you been in a situation that might not be good, but if you put a positive spin on it, it will be easier to deal with? This method of coping with life makes living life a bit easier. Maybe I am just a lazy person who uses positive energy for my own peace of mind.

Acceptable

I was babysitting my granddaughters for three days and learned a good lesson. I had the opportunity to be with them 24 hours a day for three days and get to know them in their daily routine and see their personalities. It was more than the usual grandma visit. It was living with them. They are smart and happy girls. They are very verbal and have common sense. Here is where the lesson comes in. We were doing an art project and at first it did not turn out the way my 3 year old granddaughter wanted. She picked it up to show me and said, "Grandma, this is not acceptable". I showed her another painting method and her project came out just how she wanted it to be. The phrase "not acceptable" stuck in my mind. Sometimes I accept things that are not right and make excuses for them. Yesterday I decided to make an effort to not accept what I do not like. I was in work on a phone call and I turned to ask my receptionist a quick scheduling question. She answered it and then made an annoyed sound like a grunt. That was not acceptable. I put the call on hold and turned to her to tell her that huffing and puffing at me when I ask her a question is rude and it better not happen again. She was shocked. I have never done that to her. Usually I just ignore her rudeness. She was upset the rest of the day, but I did not care. From now on, if someone's behavior is not to my liking I will do what is necessary to make myself happy. I will no longer accept the unacceptable.

Musical History

It was a long ride home yesterday, but since it was a beautiful day it did not seem to bother me. I had my 60's radio station on and listened to a new show that I normally would not have, since I am never in the car that late. The playlist was wonderful and each song held a lot of meaning. The one that left me thinking was "Blowin' in the Wind" by Peter, Paul and Mary. Sometimes there are no concrete answers for questions that are asked. Sometimes the questions should never have been asked at all. Sometimes the answer is no ones business. Sometimes if you answer truthfully, there are 10 more back up questions that become draining. From now on when I feel that I do not want to answer a question, I will say that the answer is blowin' in the wind.

Great Weekend

There is an expression from Buddha that says something about the more people you love, the more emotions you feel. I just left my granddaughters and am on the road home. I already miss them. We really bonded and the hugs I got when I left showed that they feel the same.

Busy

It was day two with the girls. Every moment was spent with my eyes on them. This is the first time I have to write. It was a wonderful day.

My Girls

I am in Massachusetts babysitting my two beautiful granddaughters. I spent last night at the hotel and will stay at their house until Sunday. I am more excited than them! We will keep busy doing special activities like the movies, pool and restaurants. I feel like a little kid on her first day of camp.

Mobile Check In

I always see the option for a mobile check in at a hotel. Since I am going to Massachusetts this morning I decided to try it. It is supposed to save me time upon arrival. After twenty minutes of fiddling around with the app I just gave up. I will check in as a real person later and it will take 1 minute. Some conveniences are just more work.

Say What You Mean

Say what you mean but don't say it mean. That is the difference between an argument and a discussion. Arguments usually end on a bad note. A discussion might not always end with one person persuading the other person to their point of view, but the two parties will walk away without any ill feelings. I try not to argue with anyone. If I disagree with another person's view, I try to talk it out in a calm way. Loud voices and harsh words never settle anything. As I get older, I have also learned when to just walk away because sometimes that is easier than opening up a conversation.

Phones

Yesterday we had a new phone system installed.It was long overdue, not so much because it was a bad system but because my front receptionist had been complaining for years about it. She said the volume was low. I said clean out your ears. No one else had a problem. After being nagged for what seemed like a decade I finally decided to revamp the system. I ordered one that has hundreds of features, but I will only teach the staff how to pick it up to answer and hang up when done. Otherwise I will be redoing and undoing the mess they would make if they knew any fancy features. While the system was being installed, my receptionist huffed and puffed about the phones being out for a few minutes at a time. Finally when I could take no more whining, I told her that I got the phones because of her complaining so she better stop having a tantrum or I will have them pulled out.

Little Black Dress

A little black dress is a must for every woman. The word little does not refer to size. It refers to simplicity. I realized the truth of that statement as I got dressed for work this morning. I always knew the versatility of the little black dress but not as it related to me. This morning I will wear it to work and I will be properly dressed. Last weekend I wore one to a wedding and I was properly dressed. You are never over dressed or undressed with a little black dress. It fits into every occasion and
 lifestyle. Too bad that we all cannot live the life of a little black dress, always fitting in and being correct.

Blame

We are becoming a society of "blamers". If a person does something unconscionable, people try to place the blame on everyone else. Whatever happened to the thought that sometimes people are just mentally unstable or born wired differently? In a world with billions of people, there will always be some that are misguided, sick or just plain evil. Since man was created, there have been "bad seeds". For some reason, in the past few years when a horrible event has happened, some people feel the need to place blame on either one person or one group. That is ridiculous. Each human being is responsible for his or her own actions. There have been mass murders and terrorist acts in every country on earth since the beginning of time, even before the term "terrorist act" was coined.  Below is a list of horrible mass shootings prior to 2016, the benchmark date for placing blame. It sickened me to see it, but it is a part of American history. Who did we blame for these mass murders? Did we blame the president at the time or the government? If we did not do it then, we are we so quick to do it now?

						Virginia Tech shooting 2007 32 (plus 1 perp.) 23 (17 from gunfire) Semi-automatic pistols [61] Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting 2012 27 (plus 1 perp.) 2 Semi-automatic rifle and pistol [61] Luby's shooting 1991 23 (plus 1 perp.) 27 Semi-automatic pistols [61] San Ysidro McDonald's massacre 1984 21 (plus 1 perp.) 19 Semi-automatic pistols, and shotgun [61] University of Texas tower shooting 1966 16 (plus 1 perp. plus 1 victim who died in 2001[fn 1] 31 Rifles, revolver, pistols, and shotgun [61] Edmond post office shooting 1986 14 (plus 1 perp.) 6 Semi-automatic pistols [61] San Bernardino attack 2015 14 (plus 2 perps.) 24 Semi-automatic rifles [61][62] Fort Hood shooting 2009 14 [fn 1] 32 (plus 1 perp.) Semi-automatic pistol and revolver [66][67] Camden shootings 1949 13 3 Semi-automatic pistol [68][69] Wilkes-Barre shootings 1982 13 1 Semi-automatic rifle [70][71][72] Wah Mee massacre 1983 13 1 Semi-automatic pistol(s) and/or revolver(s)[fn 2] [73] Columbine High School massacre 1999 13 (plus 2 perps.) 24 (21 from gunfire) Semi-automatic carbine, semi-automatic pistol, shotguns [74] Binghamton shootings 2009 13 (plus 1 perp.) 4 Semi-automatic pistols [75] Aurora theater shooting 2012 12 70 Semi-automatic rifle, pistol, and shotgun [76][62][77] Washington Navy Yard shooting 2013 12 (plus 1 perp.) 8 Semi-automatic pistol and shotgun [78][79]   Easter Sunday massacre 1975 11 0 Semi-automatic pistols and revolver [83] Palm Sunday massacre 1984 10 0 Semi-automatic pistols [85] Geneva County massacre 2009 10 (plus 1 perp.) 6 Semi-automatic rifles, revolver, and shotgun [86][87]

Levels of Friendship

There are many levels of friendship and as we grow older they change. There are friends that we have and keep through the years at the same level. You speak very often and know what is happening in their lives in real time. There are the friends that you were close to at one point and due to logistics or lifestyles, you lose touch. When you do reconnect every so often, it is like you never skipped a beat and have that same feeling of kinship. The last level is a friend that you were close to once but now have nothing in common with. When you do speak, it does not make a difference in your life and even seems awkward. Their status has changed from a friend to a stranger with memories, and that is sad. Sometimes losing a friendship means that you have grown as a person and are no longer the same. That is not a bad thing.

Reality

The difference between reality and fiction is that fiction has to make sense. The older I get, the more I see that reality sometimes seems unreal. There are more situations that are real and do not make sense than I care to know. Lately my dreams make more sense than events that happen while I am awake. Reality has become wrong and dreams have become real. I look at life and shake my head in disbelief.

Orientation

Every August my office gets a new intern. It is a requirement of their graduate school the year before they write their dissertation and graduate. Yesterday our new one arrived. She is a lovely sweet girl and the first day on any job feels strange. I tried to make her feel at home and gave her the tour. I got a phone call and while I was on it she asked the receptionist a question. Instead of a nice answer she was snapped at. The girl ran out of the office back to her own office. As soon as I got off the phone I went to speak to her. I explained that the receptionist is the best worker but has the worst social skills. I told her that she yells at everyone but then will go above and beyond to help someone out. I told her not to be offended by her tone as she has been like that for 15 years. Since my office is like a family, we have to deal with a nutty relative to fit in. The girl laughed. Unfortunately this has become my yearly orientation. Welcome to your internship.