The Casserole

Yesterday I received a pamphlet in the mail. It was from the Visiting Nurse Service. Their hospice team took care of my mother during her last weeks. They timed the mailing for the month after her passing. They knew that by this time things would be calmer and it would be read. I usually toss these types of booklets directly into the trash, but I read this one. I was glad I did. It was about grieving. It said that grieving begins when the last casserole is finished. It said that grieving begins when the feeling of, "I am so relieved it is over", turns into, "Why did it have to end". That is where my father is stuck. It is the place he must be until he moves to the next phase. He is a strong person and when he is ready, he will enter the next phase easily. We will not push him. He must go at his own speed.

Elderly Neighbors

The house across the street from me is for sale. The people who live there are moving after about 25 years. I never liked them, but that is another story. As I see the young couples with small children looking at the house, I remember that years ago I was like them. My oldest son was 20 months old when we moved into my house. I remember my parents standing in the street as some elderly neighbors walked by to talk. They told us what a nice block this was and how their children grew up here. As they told their story I could see the happiness on their faces remembering their youthful days as young parents. They seemed so old to me. If I do the math, they were probably in their late 50's but they seemed old. When a new family moves in, I will be that elderly neighbor telling stories of years gone by.

Never Gone

She isn't gone. She is just not here. There is a difference. I find myself reminding people around me of this fact. If I say it enough, they will slowly believe and see what I am saying. How can you be gone, when you have left a legacy? How can you be gone, when your blood still flows in your family? How can you be gone, when things you used to say are still being said? How can you be gone, when I still feel you so strongly in my heart? The answer is that you are not gone. You are just not here. I have resigned myself to this mindset and it makes me feel at peace.

Wired

As I was walking Shelby this morning, I looked around my yard. All I saw were wires strung from pole to pole. Wires to my house. Wires to the street. Wires to my neighbors houses. Then I began to think. If we have cell phone and internet service, why can't utilities also be wireless? In a storm, our internet still works so if there was another hurricane and we were wireless, no one would be affected. We could run our homes from a utility router that is connected to a main utility server. If the system goes down, it takes only hours to fix, not weeks like the last storm. Why are we so modern yet so archaic?

The Last Turtle

A turtle is an animal that has a strong shell. It can carry things on its back without flinching. There is an expression that dates so far back that no one really knows how long ago it originated. The saying is, "Turtles all the way down". It means that one turtle rests on the next and the next and the next. It is an infinite layer of turtles that are there for support to carry the world on their backs. Sometimes I feel like the last turtle.

Miscommunication

My boss returned to the office after a one month vacation. She met the new receptionist and thought she was very nice and personable. Then she started to assign her tasks without being very clear. She doesn't understand that the rest of the staff knows how to deal with her rapid fire instructions but a new girl needs to learn. Two out of two tasks were done wrong. I heard what my boss wanted done and then heard how it was done incorrectly. One was a mix up of UPS and Fex Ed. The other was a mix up of which brown chairs belonged where. I fixed both the problems but needed to review the errors with the new girl. I explained to her that if she was not 100% clear about the tasks, she could question the boss for more specific details. It is better to question and be right, than assume and be wrong. Hopefully things go smoothly from now on.

Written Down

I am at the age where if it is not written down, it does not get done. This morning as I combed my hair, I realized that it was a bit longer than usual. I could not remember when my haircut appointment was. I looked on the calendar and did not see an appointment for July even though I thought I had written it down. I checked back in June and saw that I went on the 13th which means that four weeks later a date must have been made. Thinking back, I sort of remember saying that July 11 was a good day, even though it was my husband's birthday. The 11th has come and gone. The stylist never called to check where I was even though I have not missed an appointment in 35 years. I could have died and she would not have known it. I happen to be alive but forgetful. Now, since my hair cutter is only in one week a month, I will use a coupon for a new salon and save $15. This was a profitable oversight.

Return

My boss returns to work today. She has been out of the office for almost two months. Things ran smoothly when she was gone. No big issues or problems to solve. I am sure as she walks in today there will be a thousand nonsensical things on her mind. Work is great without a boss.

Back at Work

This morning my boss returns to work after a two month vacation. This means my vacation is done. She comes in fast and furious and throws off the apple cart. Things that have run smoothly in her absence will be uprooted. I will brace myself for the whirlwind. 

Sleepover Morning

It was a great sleepover. My little buddy and I had fun. We worked all day in the "workshop" making arts and crafts. We went for dinner at Dairy Queen. He ate all of his hamburger and fries and finished up with an ice cream cup. We watched TV and fell asleep. In the morning  he had a choice of eating breakfast anywhere he wanted to. He chose to eat a rainbow bagel at home and work more in the workshop. When it was time to bring him home, we were both sad. We are looking forward to the next sleepover.

Forgetful

Today I was forgetful. I totally forgot to write my blog. Sometimes when my routine is different, I miss doing something. I was so wrapped up in thinking about a sleepover with my grandson, that everything else fell to the wayside. We just ate lunch and will now make necklaces. Then we will go to the pool, eat dinner out and watch television. Tomorrow is the diner for breakfast. There is so much going on.

One Month

It has been one month since my mother died. It seems like yesterday and it seems like an eternity. There is no time frame when you love someone. The more we reminisce about her, the more we realize just how lucky we were. There are only happy stories to tell. There was never a bad moment. It is not that we are skewing the past, it is the reality of who she was. She never said a bad word to anyone. She never yelled or fought or was nasty. Each person I speak to remembers her with the same words. She was a kind person who was always smiling. Even when she could no longer speak, she still smiled. She was the most BEAutiful person I ever knew. 

Repair Lady

Since there has been new management at my office building, simple repairs have not been done. For years, the building handyman had done extra duties for the residents. When the new management took over, that came to a halt. My boss calls the new management, "Organized Crime". She feels that the head manager is getting kickbacks for major jobs that the owners have to pay for. For the past few weeks, we need a desk repaired. Even though I called outside people, no one returns my call. By Monday, the desk needs to be repaired enough to be usable until we buy a new one. Yesterday, I gave in and did the repair myself. I waited a month to do it because I am not the repair lady. If I did not fix it, I would have a bigger problem come Monday, so I did what needed to be done.

One Extra Minute

Is there a clause about greed in the Hippocratic oath? Years ago if you needed to speak to a doctor if you were not well and it was after hours, they would call you back. They never charged for the call. Most still do not. Our new doctor has decided that her time is so valuable that if she calls you, you pay her. If you have a bad reaction to a medication she prescribed for you, you pay the price. She values her time in minutes. Five to ten minutes equals $100. Eleven to 20 minutes equals $200. Twenty one minutes to thirty minutes equals $300. For some reason the call is never ten or twenty minutes. It is always eleven or twenty one minutes. She must sit there with a stopwatch. If a doctor ever did that to me, they would no longer be my doctor.

Seven Years

Today is my younger son's seventh anniversary. It also marks the day my granddaughter turns six months. As each milestone passes it will remind me of the days when my mother was here to see them. Last week for my husband's birthday, I bought the greeting card for my father to give to him. My mother was always the one who signed the cards. When it came time to write my father's name, I just could not see the word "Pop" without the word "Mom". I wrote "Love, Mom and Pop". It felt better for me to see their names together. I am just not ready for certain realities, so I will do what is best for me until I am.

Furry Child

Shelby is my furry child. He needs to be cared for and looked after like a baby. Yesterday I saw him limping. I have no idea why his foot was not acting normal. I have been carrying him up and down the stairs and making things easy for him. This morning he is better. I guess a good night's sleep and not having to climb the stairs has helped him heal. I look into his eyes and see that he is thankful for the care I give him.

The Complainer

I have a pool friend who is a complainer. She complains about everything. Her complaints always start with the phrase, " I never complain, but...", and then the long complaint follows. She complains about people doing things that she also does. Somehow when she or her family does these things it is okay. At the town pool yesterday, she was complaining about a man who was playing music. The music was actually nice but she had to run over to two lifeguards to ask them to reprimand the man. They both ignored her. She sat down again and kept complaining. Without realizing I could be heard I said, "Oh my God", in a loud voice. It startled her. She asked what was wrong. I told her that for someone who says she has high blood pressure, she should stop working herself up about other people. She was a bit taken aback. A few minutes later she walked over to the music playing man and told him to shut the music off. She has been lucky that no one has ever punched her in the face after one of her confrontations. Maybe if someone did, it would end her complaints.

Worse Than Before

We flew to the moon. We made computers the size of our palms. We talk on phone without wires. Why can't we fix a parkway to move along better? After years of road work on the Belt Parkway, it has become worse than ever. Yesterday I sat on it for 4 hours. One and a half hours to get my father and almost two and a half hour back to Long Island. We could barely feel our spines when we arrived at my house. I have been traveling this road for 40 years and the more they "improve" it, the slower it gets. Needless to say, time spent with my father is priceless, so all is well.

Long Wait

This has happened to every woman. You need to use a restroom in a public place and it is the one person at a time kind. The person ahead of you goes in. According to my calculations, it should take about 2 minutes. Two minutes is a long time if you actually clock it. You wait at the door and wait and wait. It is now five minutes. What are they doing in there? This happened to me the other day in New Hope. The woman was wearing a skirt so that should have cut 30 seconds off of her time. The room had paper towels so that cuts of another 15 seconds for the hot air blower. By the time she walked out, a line had formed and everyone was sneering at her.

City Time

After traveling on the Belt Parkway weekly for months, I have realized that there is a concept of city time vs country time. That fact was proven yesterday. We spent a lovely day in New Hope, Pennsylvania. The trip home was broken down into two parts. The country ride and the city ride. It took 90 minutes to go from Pennsylvania to Coney Island. It took 90 minutes to go from Coney Island to Long Island. The first part of the trip was 70 miles and the second part of the trip was 30 miles. If this was a math question on the SAT's, no one would get it right. I see why city people are so high strung and country people are more relaxed.

Birthday Day Trip

Today is my husband's birthday. He is 66 years old. I met him when he was 27. Time flew by. I took the day off and we will take a ride to New Hope, Pennsylvania. The weather is beautiful and the ride will be nice. We will walk around the town and visit the antique shops. We will have lunch and try to get home before the rush hour. I have not been there since the 1980's when my boys were young. I still remember that day. I wish I could recreate it.

Desk

How much trouble can a desk cause? If it is in my office the answer is alot. The crazy doctor's desk broke and she is having a breakdown. What I see as a slightly misaligned drawer, she sees as a tragedy. I was going to have the building maintenance man fix it, but then he was fired. I have been emailing my boss in Turkey over this major problem and she is giving me stupid solutions. For the time being, I told Dr. Crazy to sit in my bosses office until she returns.

Beautiful Day

It is the third day of gorgeous summer weather. Getting up to such a nice day starts it off right. My boss is still on vacation so that just adds to the good feeling. What more can I say? Life is beautiful.

Special Day

Today is my youngest granddaughter's Baptism. Although I am not her religion, I will enjoy the celebration with my family. Not everyone will be there and we will be thinking of them as we celebrate an important event in a baby's life. It is beautiful out and the party will be held at a waterfront restaurant. She could not have asked for a better day.

The Roses

When I called my son to tell him that his grandmother has passed away, he informed me that a bouquet of roses was on its way to her. They were sent to cheer her up and were delivered the day after her passing. Even though I was on Long Island, I returned to Brooklyn the next day to retrieve the roses. They were meant for my mother and I could not bear the thought that they would wilt on the front porch. I took them home and they were perfect. Each bud was still closed and perfectly formed. I placed them in a vase and displayed them for everyone to see. It is almost three weeks later and they are still as perfect as the day they arrived. The buds never opened and they have dried out. This morning I decided to seal them with silicone spray. I took them outside and sprayed each flower in the arrangement still grouped as a bouquet. They look like porcelain roses. They look like they were handcrafted in a ceramic shop. They are still outside drying. I will keep them as a memento to remind me of a beautiful thought for a beautiful woman. 

Names

I hate when I am trying to remember a name from the past and have no clue as to what it is. Years ago, when I was a child, I used to go to a restaurant with my parents. I remember it vividly but I cannot remember the name. It was a name of two animals  linked together with the word and. I will ask my father later, as he will probably know. When I watch my cooking shows I see the weirdest restaurant names. I would never think of combining the words they have but somehow it sounds good. When I worked in the garment center years ago, clothes manufacturers did the same thing. There was a brand named Onion Ice Cream and another named Chocolate Soup. My husband used to take out food from a restaurant named This and That. I guess when someone asked them what they served they answered, "This and That".

Road Sign

The parkways now have electric signs to keep us updated on our trip. Last week I was driving to work and saw an electric sign with the message. "Air Quality Day. Use Mass Transit". What was the sense of that message? If I was already on the parkway, I am obviously not using mass transit. Who decided that having that message flash made sense? Some person has a job figuring out what to write. I think whoever that is, needs to be retrained.

July 4th

Happy Independence Day. It looks a bit cloudy and gloomy out there. I plan to spend the day at the town pool with friends. As long as is does not rain we will all sit there talking. This has been a ritual for over 25 years. We started it when our children were babies and have continued it with their babies. I am glad the holiday is midweek. It makes the work week fly by.

Portal

Over the last few years, a new word has appeared. The word is "Portal". Medical offices have adopted a method for patients to see their results and change appointments. Part of the reason is due to less staffing and the other part is for information. Either way, it is not such a great idea. If you take a blood test and get the results, you might not know what all of the results mean. If you have an x-ray or MRI or CT scan, the long report will mean nothing to you. I think that the portals are just a way of saving the doctor's offices the cost of paper. Now that you have access, you can print it. It saves their office time and money.

New Hire

This afternoon a new receptionist will start working for us. I used to look forward to a new person in the office. Now I do not care. She might not even last a week. Why invest the time. She needs to have a will of iron to put up with the nonsense she will need to deal with.

Day One

Yesterday was the first real day of the pool season. People that I have not seen in a year were all there. It felt like we never left. The conversations were all the same. The complainers still complained. In a way it was comforting. With all of the changes in my life lately, it is nice to have consistency.