Pirate Therapy

I have created a new phrase called "Pirate Therapy". After working in a psychology office for many years, I see that while therapy is wonderful, if the doctor does not know the whole picture, the best results cannot be achieved. Prior to HIPAA law, a family member had the right to call the doctor and tell them what was going on with that patient outside of the office. Then the doctor would have the full picture. The same thing is true for the reverse. Sometimes a family needs to know what is really going on in their loved one's life to understand their actions. When you only get one side of a story, it is like being a pirate. You are seeing a situation with one blind eye. Without the full scope of vision, important things are missed.

Dressed to Impress

The other day I went into a 24 hour deli to buy my lotto tickets. Behind the counter was a woman who looked about forty years old. She looked beautiful. She had on a pretty dress and coordinating jewelry. Her makeup looked like it was professionally done. When I was paying, I told her how pretty she looked. She was dressed as if she was in a corporate job. Even though she was behind the counter of a 24 hour deli, she had pride in her job. Too bad most people do not have that mindset. The expression "Dress for Success" still holds true wherever you work.

One Day Off

I went away overnight but it seems like I have been gone for a week. My schedule is off. It feels like a Monday but it is a Tuesday. I feel refreshed but sad. The more people that I leave when I return home from New England, the longer it takes to get my heart back to New York. I have a huge picture of my older granddaughter that sits on my computer table. I need to get one of my younger granddaughter to even out the other side. When I look at this photo, I feel like I am talking directly to her. We became buddies this weekend because as she gets older she understands exactly who I am. From the moment I walked in, it was as if I saw her the day before. She was immediately warm to my parents and sister. She hugged and kissed them and sat on their laps as if their visit was a weekly occurrence. Just seeing that warms my heart.

Three Girls

We arrived at my son's house and were greeted by my son and his three beautiful girls. My daughter in law gets more beautiful every year. My older granddaughter welcomed us with open arms. The baby was sleeping soundly and we hovered over her, staring at her sweet face. I held her and kissed her and even though she is only a newborn, I hope she felt the love. I spent most of the day playing with my big granddaughter. She is very smart and verbal and everyone is still talking about her. She is a very engaging child and you can carry on a conversation with her as if she is an adult. Her vocabulary and understanding of language is remarkable. We are off to breakfast and then on the road. A wonderful trip all the way through!

Meeting The Family

I am up early getting ready to go to New England. My sister and I will be taking our parents to meet their fifth great grandchild. She is seven weeks old. It will be a trip reminiscent of my youth. Just the four of us staying in one room. Mommy, daddy and the girls. I have packed snacks and my sister has put pillows and blankets in the back seat of the car in case my parents want to nap. I have been looking forward to this getaway since May.

Appointment Time

Every year I make an appointment with my oil company for them to do a yearly tune up. I made the appointment for yesterday between 2-4pm. I called on Wednesday to confirm the time and was told it was still Friday at 2-4pm. I set up the den and basement with dropcloths so there would be no dirt tracked in. I came home at 1pm just to be there in case the man arrived early. I sat and waited until 4:20 before I called them. When I called, I was told that there was no appointment that day and that it was for Tuesday. I told the man that it was made for Friday and I even confirmed it on speaker phone with my husband in the room. He said we were wrong. That is when things got nasty. I am usually a quiet person but if you make a mistake and call me a liar, you have awakened the "lion". I went from 0 to nasty in about 3 seconds. The customer service man said that I was wrong, I never had the appointment and if I didn't talk to him nicely he would not reschedule the appointment. Really? Now the Wrath Of Kahn has been unleashed. There was no turning back. I put on my crazy shoes and began to rant like a maniac and I told him that he had to listen or I would not re sign with the company next month and pull my sister's and nephew's accounts with me. He rescheduled me for next week, but on Monday morning the owner of the company will be hearing from me. All he needed to do was say, "I'm sorry, ma'am. Someone must have locked in the wrong time. Let's find another time that works for you."

One Letter

My husband retired a year ago. He wanted to work one day a week at the job he retired from. Although he was promised the job, the process moved very slowly. He finally gave up. The place he worked at was very short staffed and although the manager begged for help, the upper management dragged its feet. Finally a year later, after being cited by the state for short staffing, he was called back. The process was still slow moving. After many calls to the manager who was very nice, the job was formally offered. One last bit of paperwork had to be completed. He spoke to the manager on Tuesday and she said she would get it done. When he called the next day, he was informed that the manager was fired. She was the scapegoat for the upper management when the state demanded answers. I feel bad for her. She asked for help and was ignored. Instead of the proper people being accountable for bad decisions, she took the fall. One letter changes our lives. An "H" or an "F". One person was hired and the other was fired.

Sufficient Girt

There is a song titled, "Material Girl". It is from the 1980's and describes a girl who likes the finer things in life. She needs these things to make her happy. I am the polar opposite of that. I am the "Sufficient Girl". I only need a sufficient amount of things to be happy. I was always that way. I need four handbags, black, white, beige and brown. I need four pairs of shoes, black, white, beige and brown. I need two pairs of boots, black and brown. Now that I think about it, I could pare down the shoes and bags to three. The beige one is not really necessary, it is a luxury. I always look well dressed but the clothes I purchase are reasonably priced. I never put value on things. I put value on relationships. I invest in the people I care about rather than monetary things. This may not be right for everyone, but it is right for me.

Ahead Of His Time

Yesterday my boss brought in a beautiful picture. It was made by the OCD Foundation as a memorial for her deceased husband. It was a great picture of the two of them with handwritten notes from other famous doctors in the psychiatry field. I read each paragraph and it brought back memories of the man I knew for a short time before he got sick and no longer came to work. He was a brilliant man. We used to say the he was like Albert Einstein with the same fluff of messy hair. He was a poet and danced the tango at parties. One paragraph struck me the most. It said that while years ago people though he was a bit crazy, it turned out that he was really a brilliant man who was just ahead of his time. Every theory that he had regarding OCD came true. It was not mental as we all thought. It was biological. The medicines he smuggled in from Canada are now in our medicine cabinets. Without him and his drug trials, people would not have relief from a debilitating condition. This morning I will find a wall to hang the picture on for all to see.

Oh Brother

A few weeks ago Windows 10 spontaneously downloaded into my work computer. Since then everything is out of whack. When I went to use my scanner yesterday, the icon was not working. I called my work tech support department and they worked on it for 3 hours. They uninstalled and reinstalled the printer three times to no avail. They told me that I had to call the manufacturer. I called Brother and they proceeded to do the same thing for another two hours. They said that they think it is a firewall antivirus third party issue and referred me back to my own tech support. That was their way of saying that they have no idea how to fix the issue. By that time my work day was over and I had a headache. This morning I will start the process all over again. If it doesn't work, I will call up Staples and tell them I want the machine replaced. I paid for an extended warranty and will make use of it.

62000

This morning when I started to write this blog, I noticed something. There are exactly 62000 page reads. An even number. When I began writing over five years ago I never thought anyone would read this. When I hit 100 reads I was amazed. Now five years later I am at looking at a five digit number. The sidebar of this page show what towns people that read the blog are from, but there are page reads that do not calculate in. Other than Hurricane Sandy, I never missed a day. Originally I wanted to write for one year then print out the pages and give a copy to each of my children. I never thought I could stick to the routine of a daily entry, but I proved myself wrong. Some days I have more to write about and others are just simple nonsense. Just like life.

35

My eyes popped open at 1:34 am. This is a special time of a special day. Today is not only Father's Day but it is also my son's 35th birthday. June 19, 1981 at 1:34 am, my life really began. It was followed by other wonderful memorable moments, but this one led the way. I remember it as if it was yesterday. The first moment I looked into those sky blue eyes and patted his white blond head, the world stood still and nothing around me mattered. I had the best gift on earth. How did 35 years fly by so fast? I was ten years younger than he is now when I had him. They say that days drag and years fly. I still look at him with wonder. That beautiful baby has fulfilled every expectation I had for him. He is a father of two daughters and today will be his special day in many ways. I love you B.

Summer

What is the official start of summer? Some clock it by the day the seasons change. Some say it is after Memorial Day. Others say it is when people start to visit the Hamptons. The official start of summer for me is when the town pool opens. For about ten weeks each year, the local pool becomes the meeting spot. Just like when I was young there are summer friends and winter friends. Even though I have not seen many of the pool people during the year, we pick up the friendship as if it was yesterday. Today is the official opening. I bought my pool pass, packed my pool bag and have put my pool chairs into the trunk of my car. They will remain there until September. I am in a summer frame of mind.

Mindfulness

There is a psychology concept called mindfulness. It is based on the theory that some conditions can't be fixed so you need to learn how to relate to life in a positive way. This method works for everyone. It is a meditation type of skill that helps you to focus and relax. It teaches you that only you can do the work to lead the best life you can. If you are hungry, no one else can eat for you. Reading a menu won't fill you up. Listening to a waiter tell you about the specials won't either. You need to eat the meal yourself to find the fulfillment. You must chew it well and savor each bite to get the entire experience. If you rush it, the taste will not be as good.

No Mail

Most days I hate getting mail. You never know what problem is lurking in the postman's bag. When the mail arrives, I flip through it to make sure it is "safe'. No bills equals safe. I sort out the junk, set aside the important envelopes and go on with my day. Yesterday I received no mail. None. How could this be? No one wants something from me? I saw the mailman delivering to other people. How could he just pass me by? I felt disappointed that not even one circular was waiting for me. After he left my block, I looked in the mailbox one more time just to confirm that a mistake was not made and he left me something after all. Nothing was there. I felt sad.

Forgiveness

I heard a statement the other day that made a lot of sense. "It is easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission". Sometimes you cannot ask for other people's blessings when you feel in your heart that what you are doing is the right thing. You just have to do it. When it comes down to it, as long as you are not hurting anyone else, the only person you have to account for is yourself. Most times your judgement is correct. It is your perspective and no one else's. So be true to your heart and do what you feel is best. Ask for forgiveness later if you must, but never let anyone deter you from what you feel needs to be done.

Manuals

Years ago when you bought an appliance or electronic device there was a paper manual packed inside the box. It was many pages with tiny writing. You put it in a safe place along with the receipt of purchase. Now companies post the manual online. If you want to print it you can use your own paper. I like hard copies. I like to flip through pages if something goes wrong. I do not like scrolling up and down. There is only one major problem with this concept. What if you need the manual and cannot get online? I have had this happen when I needed to fix a computer problem. I needed the manual to help me change settings to get online. But I can't get the manual because it is online. It is a "Catch 22". If you call the company they do not comprehend that online is not an option. Then they tell you that you can request a manual mailed to you within 14 business days. Who wants to wait 14 business days to fix a problem? The companies might be saving trees but it is at the expense of our sanity.

Queen Bee

I work with a woman who thinks she is "Queen Bee". Actually someone in the office gave her that name facetiously but she thought it was a compliment. She needs to be a controlling person and if you do not obey her, you can see the frustration in her face. She wants to tell you what to eat, when to eat it, what to wear and what to buy. I purposely do the opposite of what she says just for giggles. She wants things in the office to be a certain way. I am the office manager. No one tells me what to do. When I oppose her, she starts to hum a tune to settle herself down. It is always the same tune. As soon as she starts to hum it, I get a smile on my face. It is the song of defeat. Whether she likes it or not, what I say goes, no ifs ands or buts.

The Rainbow

There are many things in the world that I do not really understand. How can we talk on a phone that is not connected to a wire? Come to think of it, how do we talk on a phone that is connected to a wire? How can an airplane fly when it weighs thousands of tons? Why are we in the mood for Chinese food one day and Italian food another? There is one thing that I do not question. A rainbow. This week I have seen two stunning rainbows. I do not question it because it is created by nature and not man. No matter how old we are or how rich or how smart, when we see a rainbow in the sky we all stop and gaze with wonder. We look from end to end and follow the beauty. We are amazed no matter how many times we have seen one. To me, it shows that no matter how modern we think we are, the most wondrous thing has nothing to do with us creating it.

Traditions

Last night I went to a wedding from two of the doctors I work with. The father of the bride and the bride herself are both doctors who work with me. The groom is Catholic and the bride is half Jewish and half Catholic. They were married in a church ceremony since the bride was raised as a Catholic. When we ended the cocktail hour and went into the reception, we were all seated as the band announced that an uncle was going to do the blessing. We assumed that it would be a Christian blessing. A challah bread was rolled out and the bride's uncle recited the prayer over the bread and wine, first in Hebrew then in English. After that he explained the breaking of the glass and asked the groom to break it. When that was done, the Hora began to play and the bride and groom were lifted onto the chairs and danced with their hands high in the air. It was such a beautiful sentiment. Even though she was raised in the church, on the most important day of her life she showed respect to the traditions that her father was raised in. It was touching.

Shallow Society

We have become a shallow society. The important things seem trivial while the trivial things seem earth shattering. Every day when I log onto the internet, I am bombarded with superficial facts that some writer thinks will change my life. This morning I was informed that a young singer cut bangs into her hair and another young model followed suit. I was told that a transgender man/woman "rocked" a white dress. I would like to know the exact definition of "rock". I used to think that it was a mineral formation but now it seems to relate to clothes. I did not see an article about the struggling middle class or any medical breakthroughs. I never read the "news breaking" articles because I do not care about people that I do not know and who are probably very unhappy. So, enjoy your bangs, rock that dress and leave me alone. 

Escalation

I am good at fighting people's battles. I always do it in the most respectful way. Yelling or crude language will get me nowhere, so that is not the way I operate. I find the most precise tough words and use them correctly. I am not sure whether it is fear or guilt that does the job. It doesn't really matter as long as the job is done. I have been doing this for years and have honed my skills. When someone has gotten to the end of  a problem without a solution, that is when I am called in. My sister has named me, "The Escalation Department".

No Trust

When senior citizens get to a certain age, they put their money into a trust. My receptionist's mother is 88 years old and two years ago she had a trust drawn up when she was in Florida for six months. She went with her significant other to his lawyer. When it came time for the trustees and power of attorney to be named she was told that she could not have a family member, so her significant other's son was named as trustee, power of attorney and executor. My friend did not know this for a year. One day she was talking to her mother and the subject was brought up. My friend started screaming that her mother had to change this right away. Her mother, being as volatile as she is, kept saying that family was not allowed on a trust. The argument got so loud that my ears were ringing. My friend then called a lawyer and yesterday they were ending one trust to start a new one. I will find out this morning what happened.

More Wire Hangars

There used to be a popular saying, "No more wire hangers". It was a line from the movie, "Mommie Dearest". What would we do without wire hangars? For years my father has used them to improvise many things. If you needed a shelf...wire hangers. If you needed a hook...wire hangers. A fastener... wire hangers. Anything that needed a quick fix was wire hanger territory. It worked well and it looked good. My husband used to laugh at the hangers. As he gets older, my husband has realized the wonder of wire hangers. Just this week when he could not find the right hooks to hang two of his collectible items, out came the hangers. He twisted and molded them into the perfect design and hung them on the wall. They look like custom hooks. He even coated them with fish tubing so his treasures would not become scratched. As he stood there admiring his craftsmanship, I called him by my father's name. I guess wire hangers are nothing to sneeze at.

The Happiest Line

I was in Walmart yesterday on the express checkout line. The man ahead of me had four items. After the cashier scanned them, he told her the price was wrong. It scanned at $5.97 each but he said it was $4.00. The cashier left her line and walked to find the item. People started to grumble about her leaving. She came back and said that the sign said $5.97. He was adamant that it was $4.00. She called over a manager and asked him to go to the aisle with the man and see what he was talking about. The both of them left while the man's daughter stood in line. I could feel the tension behind me. I said to the cashier that sometimes people just have to convince themselves and many times they really are right. That is when she kicked into her "preacher" mode. She started to clap her hands and sing and say that everyone who got up this morning is blessed and that they should enjoy the day. Every moment is precious so why waste it being negative. She said her line is always the happiest line in Walmart because she won't let bad moods ruin her day. The lady in back of me spoke up and agreed. The man behind her did too. The mood on the line changed from tense to relaxed as we waited for the price check. When the manager returned, he told the cashier that the man was right. His items were in the clearance aisle. He paid and then I checked out. I wished "Carmen" a great day. As I walked away, I could still hear the pleasantries that were continuing on the line. Attitude does make a difference.

Coupons

Coupons are like money in your pocket. Certain stores make them so readily available that you never have to pay full price. If you do not have a coupon that day, you do not go to that store. I now compare the online coupons to the newspaper ones. Which can you combine? Which give the best value? It is almost like a math lesson. Is 40% off one item more than 20% off the entire order? Do the math. Sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes it is no. It depends on the items you are purchasing. This morning I hit pay dirt. I have a 40% off coupon for the specific item I am buying. I can buy 20 of them. Does life get better?

Remember Me

I rarely use the "Remember Me" option on the computer. I feel insecure about having a saved password that can let anyone access the account. I only use that option in one place, Red Box Movies. If someone goes into the site, the most they can do is rent a movie for $1.50. I have a special credit card linked to that account that has a tiny credit limit. I have covered all bases. This morning when I went to rent a movie, I saw that the site was new. It required my password. I had not had to manually enter a password for years. It always remembered me. No I had to sit and think. I defaulted to using the oldest password I had ever created and I was lucky. It worked. I made sure to check the remember me box as I signed in. One less thing for me to remember.

Holy Grail

For centuries people have been looking for the Holy Grail. There has been speculation as to what it really is. Some theories are that it is a chalice. Other theories are that it is a document. They can all stop searching. My husband has found it. In fact, he has found it more than once. It comes in the form of collectibles. His newest Holy Grail is a Daisy Red Ryder BB gun from 1946. When he buys certain things, he feels that they are so special that they fall into the Holy Grail category. He looks at me with excitement in his eyes and he informs me that the Holy Grail is now his. Holy Grail, useless chachkies. It all depends on how you look at it.

Cultural Parenting

We all parent our children differently. A lot of our skills come from the culture we were brought up in. Some cultures value education more than anything, so their children are very high achievers. Some cultures parent with fear. I have a receptionist who is about 20 years old. She is Haitian. She was brought up in a culture where the mother rules the roost and you never cross her. No matter how old you are, you defer to her. She is Queen. Her mother has always worked two jobs to be able to put her children through elite private schools and college. She is to be respected at all costs. No excuses. If she is not respected you will see her wrath. My receptionist has told me many odd stories and while they sound funny, they are borderline abusive. One story happened this week and involved my bookkeeper. The girl liked the bookkeeper's pocket book. The bookkeeper being the generous person she is, bought the girl the pocketbook as a surprise. She took it home and her mother saw it. She asked where it came from and was told that it was a gift. The mother said that she liked it and since she did not get a great Mother's Day gift, the pocketbook was now hers. The girl said no, it was a gift. The mom said, "Let's see if you are woman enough to take it from me". The girl knew better. The next day her mother went to work wearing the new bag. When the bookkeeper was told this story, she was livid. She wants to have the girl ask her mother for the money back as it was a gift for the girl and not her mother. I told her to forget it. If the girls does that, she might get a beating. No bag is worth that.

Weird Request

What was the strangest thing your boss ever asked you to do? I bet I can top anyone's list. Yesterday my boss came in and walked over to my desk. She told me that she had a project that she needed me to do because I am good at crafts. She took out a jewelry box and an envelope. I thought she needed a bracelet fixed. Instead she took out a key chain with a glass compartment. She then proceeded to tell me what she wanted. The envelope contained her deceased husband's hair. She wanted me to put some hair in the glass cylinder. She ordered pendants that would be arriving in the mail and she would need me to fill those also. She asked me to separate the hair into 5 parts. While she was speaking, she had a revelation and her eyes popped open. She said, "Oh my god! I never asked you if you were okay doing this." I said that at this point in my life I have no fears or standards, so I was fine with it. I pushed my lunch to the side, took out a dead man's hair, put it into 5 piles, stuffed the key chain and sealed it. All in a day's work.