New Years Eve

Tonight is New Years Eve. I am usually at home sleeping when the ball drops. We eat our usual early dinner and watch television. This year we will have dinner early and then go to a movie. My older son gave a movie gift card to my husband for the holidays so we will make use of it. I am glad to be doing something different this year. I will still be asleep when the balls drops. Some things stay consistent.

Mind Jar

Over the past year my office has been trained to be certified in DBT therapy. Dialectical Behavioral Treatment differs from Cognitive Behavioral Treatment (CBT). CBT is to train your thoughts and action to be appropriate so you can function normally. DBT acknowledges that some types of behaviors cannot be easily changed so the patient needs to live with the fact that they have to recognize when they are out of control and just try to calm down. To be concise, it is mindfulness training. DBT has a more loving component. Some people just cannot change and need to see their therapist as their ally. It is more nurturing for disorders that are hard to normally treat. In one of the recent DBT groups a doctor brought in a mindfulness jar. It was a visual aid to show emotions. I loved it so much that I made one. It is a jar filled with water and glitter. The water represents a clear mind. The glitter represents emotions. When things are normal the water is clear and the glitter lies peacefully on the bottom. When someone is upset it is like the jar being shaken. The glitter swirls aimlessly and mixes into the water so nothing is clear. If you take a moment to relax and breath the glitter will slowly settle again so you can see clearly. It is not only therapeutic, it also makes sense.

Extension

The difference between man and other animals is that we have a thumb to grasp with. It was adapted thru millions of years. Our hands are now adapting to a curled shape. So much time is being spent holding our cell phones that many people's hands are naturally curling. Within another million years, this will become a permanent adaptation. Look around as you go through your day. Notice how many of us have our hand wrapped around an electronic device.

Make Waves

This year for the holidays my daughter in law bought me a beautiful necklace. It has my birthstone and a gold bar. On the bar the words "Make Waves" is engraved. I put it on immediately. Besides looking beautiful I see a real meaning in what it says. Make Waves. For my entire life I have avoided making waves. I always wanted things to be calm. I never wanted to ripple the waters or make anyone unhappy. I was doing the dead man's float. Quietly lying there, floating in smooth waters. While life is good, would it have been better if waves were made? From now on I will take the advice of the necklace and make some waves. If I am unhappy I will make sure my opinion is strongly voiced. If I disagree with you, I will make sure you know it. If you have upset me, I will make sure that my feelings are known. The necklace is so appropriate to my life. For the first 61 years I settled for smooth. For the rest of my life I will make as many waves as necessary.

Home Stretch

The holiday season is almost done. Normalcy is just days away. Mall traffic will be gone. Crowded stores will empty out. Chocolates and cakes will be digested. We can clear our heads and begin a new year. All in all this year was a good one. There were a few bumps in the road but that is what life is about.

Playtime

Yesterday I played all day. My goal for this weekend's trip was to spend every moment possible playing with my granddaughter. We went into her mother's old bedroom, sat on the floor and played everything from doctor to restaurant to dollhouse. We pretended to do surgery. Then we pretended to be in a restaurant. We took a break for dinner then played some more. At the end of the night she looked at me with a big smile and said it was so much fun playing. One day she will realize that I had more fun than she did.

Tracking Santa

• Last night I helped my grandchildren track Santa Claus. It was not the first time I have done this with them but it was the first time they understood. They were excited to track Santa but I was excited to see them happy. I have learned over the years that I can enjoy holidays that I do not celebrate in a religious way. I can ce!ebrate them in my own way with love in my heart.

Happy HanuMass

Tonight is the beginning of two holidays. It is the first night of Hanukkah and Christmas Eve. It is nice that they fall out on the same day. It is a precursor to what I hope will be a year of joining together. I hope this year will be a year of "us" and not a year of "me versus the other people". Maybe fate has aligned these days to show us that a common ground has finally begun. Maybe it is not a  coincidence.

True Gifts

Yesterday was my birthday. I received the best gifts ever. All family members from 7 months to 93 years called to wish me a happy birthday. There could be no better gift on earth than that. To be turning 61 years old and having both your mother and father sing happy birthday to you while they are dining out at a restaurant, is a true blessing and a priceless gift. I know what really matters in life and it can be summed up in one word. Family.

City Lights

Last night we went to Manhattan to see the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center. I am not a city person so I planned the day. I prepaid for parking and had a dinner reservation at a nearby pub. We picked up my grandson and his parents and drove to the city. All he talked about was the big buildings and the lights. His eyes sparkled as he sat in his stroller staring at the huge tree. He ate a big dinner and enjoyed walking among the crowds. He even asked for a hot pretzel to top off the night. As we got into the car to return home, he said that he did not want to leave but he would be back again soon.

The Media

Our new administration is anti press and I agree with them. While the media gives us the news, they skew it in a way that serves their own purposes. Then we are held responsible for interpreting what they have dished out and making sense of it. Some call it propaganda and some call it scamming. Yesterday their way of "doing business" effected me directly. I found out that my local newspaper has been putting a $3.99 surcharge on my account four times a year for Fun Books and special holiday coupons. I called them up to complain as no one I spoke to knew about this. They said that it is clearly stated every day on page two. I got out my paper and went to page two. At the bottom, in a 2 font lettering, they printed the disclaimer. I could barely read it even with a magnifying glass. I told that to the customer service representative I was talking on the phone with. She said that it was printed in the paper and if I did not see it, it was not their problem, it was mine. I had the surcharge option permanently removed from my account but I hung up angry. This incident showed me that the media are liars and will do anything to get their opinions across or profit from them.

Fear Of Flying

My office is a specialty practice. We go above and beyond, literally. This weekend one of my doctors did an exposure with a patient. Exposures are exercises that put you in the situation that gives you anxiety and work through it with you in real time. As I tell new patients, life takes place beyond the four walls of a doctor's office. The patient I am talking about has a fear of flying and had to go to Florida on Sunday. He was obsessing about the trip saying he could not get on the plane. My doctor offered to go with him on the flight and then she would have a one hour wait until she got back on the plane to New York, while he stayed in Florida. He booked 2 tickets for first class. Every time he became fearful she did therapy with him. He made it to Florida without panicking. Family members were coming to New York for a visit and would fly with him for the return flight. All in all it cost him the price of 2 round trip first class tickets and $1500 for her time. The money did not matter to him because he got a wonderful value from the experience.

Invest Now

Yesterday I was at my sister's house for a Hanukkah celebration. We watched the children open up their gifts, one after another. Wrapping paper was flying. Packaging was being ripped and tossed. At one point we told the kids to put all of their gifts in a shopping bag to keep them in one place. This event was never a reality for my husband. There were never piles of gifts to open. No one had to worry about keeping things in one place. They say you reap what you sow. His parents never sowed the act of gift giving so I am now reaping the results. As I sit here, I look behind me and see my husband's childhood being purchased bit by bit, by him. If he had this as a child he would not have the need for it as an adult.

Holiday On Any Day

Today my family is celebrating Hanukkah. It is a week early because I will be away next weekend. As it turns out, my children will not be there. Two live out of state and two have imposed a self quarantine. Since their sickness last week, they have decided to stay away from people for the full eight day incubation period. They do not want to get anyone else sick. Although I will be sad that they are not with us, they are doing the right thing. They know how sick they both were and do not want to spread the virus. I am looking forward to having a good time, as usual. Latkes, noodle pudding and chicken. Three staples of the holiday. Family time is always special and I am blessed to have a wonderful family to share these times with.

Food Memories

I was lying in bed this morning thinking of what I would eat for lunch. I am the type of person that likes to plan my meals. It gives me something to look forward to. I decided to have tuna on a toasted bagel for lunch. I then started thinking that the best tuna on a bagel was made by my mother. The tuna had a perfect mix of mayonnaise and was delicious. Even though I use the same brand, it never tastes like my mothers. Her meatballs and spaghetti were also fabulous. She blended a jar of sauce with a can of plain tomato sauce and cooked the meatballs in the sauce. Mmm mmm good. Her brisket was to "live for". Baked chicken legs were so yummy. My mother made blintzes from scratch. The crepes were called "bletles" and the cheese was a mix of farmers cheese, pot cheese, eggs and sugar. My mouth is watering as I write this. I do not think my children will have these fond memories. Most children of this generation won't. 

Innocence

All we need to know can be learned from a child. Before they set out into the real world and begin to have other people shape their thinking, a child's pure innocent response is what life is all about. I think that if I could fly away to an uncharted island with my three grandchildren, I would be in paradise. I would be with people who are totally pure of heart. They cry when they are hurt. They laugh when they are happy. They know instinctively when you need a hug. If you are unhappy, they can look into you eyes and see right into your soul. They know what you need even though they have not been taught. It is an instinct that is God given and only there for a brief moment in their lives. Then they are then forced to grow up and innocence is lost. Instinct is replaced with thinking.

Never Late

It is a good thing my sister always calls me at 6:45am to say hello. If she did not I would still be asleep. Last night I was in the ER with my son. He needed to be re hydrated due to a bad stomach virus. His wife was there two days before with the same thing. He is fine now and I am off to work. I am the type of person to still be on time, no matter what.

Leftovers

The best part of a party is the leftovers. We had such an abundance of food yesterday for lunch that we barely had room to store it. We put the food away in order of importance. Meats first, then pasta, then veggies, then miscellaneous items. The refrigerator door had to be crammed shut. This afternoon the food will make a second appearance and the next day possibly a third. Although I have not even had breakfast, I am planning lunch. Food is always better the next day because I get to relax and eat it.

Party Tuesday

I am back from vacation and back to work. It is nice to start the work week on a Tuesday. Today is our annual office party. I will set it up and clean it up. In between there will be a lot of food and a little talk. This year since we have more staff than usual, I am not bringing any food. When we ran down the list of items that people were bringing you can see people's personalities. The people who do not like to do anything extra are bringing soda or paper plates. The real go getters who like to please everyone are bringing cooked foods. One doctor who feels that she must always go the extra mile is smoking a brisket for 10 hours that will feed 20 people. I told her that she was going above and beyond but she wanted to do it. As usual, my boss will have her maid cook for her. It should be a nice party.

Little Girl, Big Personality

Today is my granddaughter's fourth birthday. She is a petite girl with a giant personality. The moment you meet her, you love her. She has a sparkle in her eyes and energy in her body. She can make you laugh with her uncanny sense of the world. She is a beautiful girl whose features are like a porcelain doll. Last night as she was trying to figure out a new birthday toy, her sister started crying. She looked at me , covered her ears and said that the crying was so loud that she couldn't focus on what she needed to do. When I am with her, I can't focus on anything else but soaking in every moment of our time together.

Glittering Princess

I had a wonderful time yesterday. I had dinner with four of my favorite people. I am in New England visiting my granddaughter for her birthday. We had a lovely dinner and I couldn't stop smiling as I sat across from my son, daughter in law and baby granddaughter. I sat next to my older granddaughter and we chattered all through the meal. After dinner we went back to her house to open some gifts. I bought her a few princess dress up outfits. She couldn't wait to put them on. She looked so beautiful in her princess crown and heels. One of the dresses was filled with glitter. I was so excited to buy it that I did not realize the mess it would make. My husband hates glitter and that aversion was passed down to my son. It looked like a sparkling mess as soon as she put on the dress. Glitter never goes away. Months later specks will appear. As I laid in bed last night, I found glitter on my face. No More Glitter!

Who's Sleepy?

We are driving to Massachusetts this morning. The plan was for my husband to work overnight and come home and nap. I was going to do the driving. Due to circumstances beyond my control I have been up since 4am. Now I an the sleepier of the two. It will be a crap shoot who drives.

Facebook Live

For the second time this week, I am reading about a teenager that died while live streaming themselves in a car speeding. In the first case it was a male driver. In the second one, it was a female driver that also took the life of her friend who was sitting beside her in the passenger's seat. It is bad enough that Facebook opens our lives to strangers. Why do we have to do it live? What is it in human nature that makes us need to have people validate our actions? What was the purpose of live streaming yourself speeding on a highway? By trying to show how daring they were, these individuals only showed us their stupidity. At the end of the internet article there was a link to a Go Fund Me page to help pay for the funerals. That is ludicrous. The people who need to pay are the morons who felt the need to add yet another dysfunctional app to our lives.

Giving Up

Lately I think that people find it easy to just give up. This morning I sat down at my computer to find that it was frozen. My husband must have frozen it last night and decided it was easier to walk away and go to sleep than fix it. Of course this morning it took me 20 minutes to get it back up and running. I do not have the luxury of giving up. The same thing happened in work yesterday morning. I found a note on my desk saying that the printer in the secretary's office was broken. I went in the back and took out the toner. There was a piece of paper trapped in the machine. I pulled out the paper and the machine was fixed. No one else could have done that? The girl that left the note is studying for her PhD. In this case she did not fix the machine because I guess she thought it was Pretty Hard to Do. (PhD)

Secretary

I woke up this morning to find 2 envelopes on the computer desk. They are items that my husband sold on eBay. They are silently staring at me whispering, "Ship me". I do not use eBay but somehow I became the eBay shipping department. I never put the items up for sale and I do not spend the money that they generate. Why am I involved? When I tell my husband to ship them himself, he says if he does it he will do it wrong. How is it that he knows how to correctly buy things but does not know how to correctly sell things?

Camouflage

I went to the skin doctor yesterday for a recheck on my nose wound. I was taken into the office by the medical assistant and we chatted for a few minutes. She asked what I was there for and I said a wound recheck. She looked at me as if to say, "What wound"? All of the other patients in the office that were there for rechecks had on bandages or bandaids. I pointed to my nose and removed the camouflage patch I had made. I am not a vain person but I cannot have a bandage across my nose for three months. It is too annoying. I devised a method that molded ointment and paper to create a natural look while still doing its job. The doctor walked in and said that the wound was healing fantastic. So fantastic, in fact, that when it was all healed he was going to use pictures of it to show patients when they have to make a decision whether to have a skin graft or heal naturally. He said that the patients would not be able to tell which picture was the skin graft. I explained my "method" to him and he said that no one ever did it that way but it seems to work beautifully so keep it up. 

Notes

My life is kept in order by bits of paper. If I do not write myself notes, I would forget some of the things I need to do. This morning I have to pick up a co worker and drive her to work. I need a note for that. Later I have to go to the doctor. I need a note for that. This weekend I am going away and want to take certain things with me. I need a note for that. My husband has been writing notes also lately but his are different than mine. Today I found a note in the kitchen to remind himself what he wants to eat for breakfast. The note said, "Bagel and lox". As bad as my memory is getting, I would never need to be reminded to eat. 

Dress Code

Last night I went to a party at my boss's house. I have not been to her holiday party in years as she always has it on my granddaughter's birthday weekend. This year it was a week early. Everyone came nicely dressed except one doctor. She has a Bohemian fashion style, that borders odd. She wore an outfit that I have seen her wear many times to work. She wore black and white polka dot slip in shoes with black socks covered in embroidered strawberries. Her pants were rust color. Her top was pink and she had a mustard yellow sweater over it that fell about six inches above the shirt. Her hair was clipped with bobby pins and she had two contrasting necklaces around her neck. This is a normal work look for her but I didn't think it was also a dress up look. She looked like a vagabond who pulled clothes out of a dumpster and threw them on. Her clothes are always clean but rumpled. Her boyfriend was nicely dressed. This woman is in her early thirties and is brilliant. She has published at least three books. I guess that she feels as long as she has clothes on it doesn't matter what they look like.

Early Bird

My mail is usually delivered sometime after 4pm. It even gets here as late as 6pm. I always wonder what my mailman is doing all day as I see his truck around the corner from me at 1pm. I think he takes a long nap and delivers the mail late to get overtime. This morning at 8am he delivered a package to my front porch. I now know he is up and running. I am curious to see what time my mail arrives today. I hope by him starting his work day early means he doesn't extend his nap.

Better Rates

Back in the day, a price was a price. There was no negotiating. If you booked a hotel room there was one price. An airline ticket or rental car also had one price. Now it is a game to find the lowest price. If you stay on a website long enough, the prices change. If you use two separate computers, there are two different prices. I had hotel rooms booked for next week and Christmas week. I thought I had the lowest price. Just for fun I went back into the hotel site last night and lo and behold the room prices were lower by $30 a night. I rebooked the stays. All in all I saved $120. Now I will look at car rentals for when I am in Florida. Maybe I can do better on that.

Language Barrier

Yesterday morning a middle aged woman walked into my office at 8am. She seemed a little flustered and was trying to ask my receptionist something in Spanish. She had two papers in her hands. One was from her primary care doctor ordering an MRI and the other was the name and address of the radiologist's office. My receptionist looked at the papers and grumbled, "Not here" and turned away. The woman continued to try to talk to her but my receptionist kept saying, "Not here". The woman was almost in tears. I was able to make out the words that she was looking for the doctor since 6am but could not find him. I went over to the window and asked her for the paper. I saw the problem. Her RX was for Northwell Health Radiology. Just recently Great Neck Radiology changed names but did not list the new name on the information board in the lobby. I tried to tell the woman to go to the second floor but she did not understand me. I walked into the waiting room and told her to follow me. We got into the elevator and went to the second floor. I walked her into the radiologist's office. She looked so relieved. Her eyes welled up with tears and she said, "Thank you" in English. She then gave me a big hug. All it took was a minute of my time to help someone who was lost. When I got back into my office my receptionist looked annoyed that I went out of my way for someone. What is this world coming to?