Grand Old Flag

The other day, my son was given a wonderful gift. His Uncle Larry made him an American Flag as a house warming present. He had made one for my other son, for his 30th birthday. These are no ordinary flags. They are hand made pieces of Americana, personalized for each of them. After September 11, 2001, Larry began to make these flags. They are proudly displayed in museums in New York City and Long Island. The President of the United States was actually photographed sitting under one of them. They are beautiful works of art and no two are alike. Each flag will hang in a place of honor in each son's home. I am sure they will be a conversation piece for everyone that visits them. These flags are not only a work of Art. They are also a work of Heart.

Eighty Eight and Still Going Strong

Today is my father's eighty eighth birthday. He looks great for his age and can still do the things he did when he was sixty eight. He is by far, the smartest person I know. It amazes me how someone can be so well versed on any subject. He can fix plumbing, do electrical work, solder jewelry, make eyeglasses, tell jokes and still have the strength to drive 300 miles in one day. If you need advice, just ask Daddy. He is always right on target and if you do as he suggests, you will never go wrong. There is an expression "to know me is to love me". That sums up my father. Everywhere he goes, he makes friends. He is just that type of person. I thank god every day for having him as my father. I see his wisdom in my children and I am glad they inherited such wonderful genes. Happy Birthday Daddy!!

The Wave

I do not ask for much in life but there are certain gestures that I think are required. One of them is "The Wave". I try to be a considerate driver. If I see someone trying to merge into my lane or pull out from a driveway, I always yield the right of way. I know the feeling of sitting in line and no one letting you in. But there is only one catch. When I let you in, after a dozen people have shut you out, I expect an acknowledgement. One simple gesture that I have named "The Wave". I am not asking for much. Just a small lift of your hand. You don't even have to move it back or forth. But you have to give me something. Your way of saying thanks for letting me in after other people wouldn't budge an inch. I deserve that much. When I get the wave, I always wave back, as if to say "you are welcome". When I do not get my wave, I become annoyed. It shows me that you are the kind of person that expects something for nothing. 

Accidents Will Happen

Sometimes accidents happen. We have to learn to separate our emotions from our intellect when they do. Today, the cable company came to install telephone, internet and television service, in my son's home. A very nice woman arrived, right on time, and said the job would be no problem. Midway through the morning she realized that she had to go into the attic to attach wires. She was a large stature woman and going through a closet opening would not be easy. Picture Santa Claus going down the chimney. She shimmied up the passage way and within 3 minutes yelled, "Sir, I have a problem". My son ran to the bedroom and saw a foot through the ceiling. I thought he would faint. He has spent the last five months pouring his heart and soul into making everything perfect. After the installer spent about 5 minutes in the attic crying she came down and proceeded to cry on the front lawn.We called the cable company inspector and he arrived within an hour. He advised my son to have the ceiling fixed and submit the bill for reimbursement. The woman installer continued to hook up the rest of the services. When she was done I walked her to the door and gave her a $20 tip. She asked "How can I take this. I ruined your ceiling? "I told her that just because an accident happened, does not mean she did not work hard. She cried again as she took the tip and left. Accidents happen. Our attitude reflects how we handle them.

Going To Extremes

I just saw a preview for the upcoming series Extreme Couponing. The show aired last season and got fairly high reviews. People all over the country started to save coupons in the hopes of going to the supermarket, filling a cart with $700 worth of goods and only paying $1.28. There is only one thing wrong with this show. If you look closely into it, it is a show about hoarding and OCD. It is not a show about common sense and good shopping skills. One woman bought out all of the diapers a store had. The only problem was that she had no children. One woman's shopping cart was filled with 100 chocolate bars and 72 deodorants. Try to make a family dinner with those ingredients. If you look carefully into most of the extreme coupon shopping carts, they are buying products without any sense of their use. From a psychological point of view, these people are not just extreme couponers, they are just extreme people.

A Day Of Rest

In most religions there is a Sabbath. A day of rest. A time to just sit and reflect upon what the previous week was and what the future week will bring. I cannot remember when I actually had a day of rest. I know that my calendar has 2 days set aside that are supposed to be "me" days. The problem is, that I just need to find "me". Somehow I have morphed into many people. My sister always jokes around with me and says that one day someone will take a picture of me and it will come out with 5 additional heads sitting on my shoulders. Just as I cannot seem to find a sabbath day, I can lo longer seem to find a separate me. But I am trying. Really, I am. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel. It started with a AAA battery and is slowing getting up to a D size. So, it is Sunday. And I am not resting, just as I did not rest on Saturday. But, I am getting there. I can just feel it.

Opt Out

From now on, when someone asks me for something, I will never say no. Instead, I will choose to "opt out".  It is a professional way of saying that I have no desire to do what you want, but I will say it in the most discreet way. Insurance companies coined this phrase a few years ago, when they decided to lower your benefits. It would not have been nice for them to tell you, that even though you are sick and have paid them your life savings in premiums, they do not want to pay your claim. The only problem, was that they slid that option into your policy, without you even realizing it. All that private companies saw when they renegotiated their health care plans, was a lower premium. No one looked closely enough into it to see that they chose the "opt out" plan. Mental healthcare was the benefit that was involved. When the country introduced Parity, the insurance companies needed to find a way around it. Parity means that mental illness is equal to physical illness. There would be no limit on coverage. Insurance companies offered a lower payment in exchange for you signing off on parity. It breaks my heart when I have to deliver this bad news to a patient. It hurt the most, the other day,when the man who's child was sick, was the one who signed the opt out rider for his company. He just had no idea......

Global Warming

The world is changing. So am I. Global warming is changing the Earths' atmosphere. Menopause is changing my atmosphere. I never understood when women talked about hot flashes and sweating. I noticed a change when I started to ask my co-workers "is it hot in here, or is it me". I no longer ask that question. I know the answer. It is me. It feels like I have a furnace in my stomach and someone is throwing logs onto the fire. The heat comes from within. It is different from feeling warm on a 90 degree day. That heat comes from the outside. Thankfully, I am not at the stage where my head sweats and makes my hair wet. That would be very unpleasant, not to mention ugly. I always wanted people to say I was "hot". Unfortunately, now I can say it.

Ice Cream In Heaven

Life is like ice cream. No wonder why Rocky Road is my favorite flavor. Who says that something rocky cannot also be something sweet and pleasurable. No one was ever promised an easy life. You get out of life what you put into it. Sometimes that means taking a rocky path. People just seem to assume that a rocky path is an unhappy one. Quite the contrary. Most times, a rocky path gives you more satisfaction, when you reach your goal. Just like rocky road ice cream. I love the sweetness of the chocolate, the crunch of the nuts and the stickiness of the marshmallows. While eating it, a nut usually gets stuck in my tooth or a marshmallow clings to my palate. It takes a moment to clean things up and I enjoy another spoonful. Life is not always easy but in the end the sweetness remains. I just hope there is ice cream in heaven.

Hair Raising

We all get it. That one day when our hair looks great. It usually falls on the day before a haircut. All month we comb and style our hair and it looks good. But on that one day, it looks great! I used to be fooled by this. I would cancel my hair appointment. I thought that since my hair looked so good, why cut it. Then I would wake up the very next day, and it was as if my head turned into cotton candy. A puff of unmanageable mange. By then it was too late. There were no appointments for a week. I had to go into the world looking horrible.I am smarter now. I don't fall for Mr Good Hair Day.

Head of the Class

I recently attended a driving class with my sister and brother-in-law. We all get along so well, but each of us has their own personality. When we entered the classroom all of us went towards the row we wanted to sit in. We ended up in 3 different places. My sister was standing in front of the first row. I was in the middle and my brother-in-law was at the last row. Each of us was telling the rest to come sit in the row they had chosen. It reminded me of a movie theater. People have their own reason for choosing the place they feel most comfortable sitting. It reflects their personalities. My sister is a front row person. She is a teacher and wants to make sure she hears everything that is being said. I am a middle of the road person. I like to blend in, so a middle row suits me well. My brother-in-law is a fun person. Just like in high school, the fun people always sat in the back so they could joke around. We finally decided to sit in the first row with my sister. I guess, in the end, we all listen to the teacher.

Fall into Autumn

Is it Fall or is it Autumn. The other three seasons are clear. This is the only one that has an alias. I guess people started calling it Fall due to the falling leaves. I realized it was heading into the Fall season by one true sign. Not the leaves. Not the school buses. It was the signs on every corner that said "Flu Shots". When did flu shots become a sign of the times. I guess it was the year when they were scarce. It seems that someone made a bad "batch" and a recall was done. I never understood that one. Was someone stirring the flu pot and stepped away for a minute. Or did a co worker come by and add more stuff to the batch. Whatever it was, there was not enough flu shots to go around. I was one of the people affected. That year I actually got my shot in another state. I was on vacation and saw a sign in a pharmacy. I was so glad to get the shot that I didn't mind my arm hurting for 2 days. I was not really even sure who gave me the shot. It could have been a stock boy. This year I feel secure. Flu shots for everyone!

Signed, Sealed, Delivered

Last week, I received a letter from the US Postal Service. They asked me to participate in a study. They have contracted IBM to survey households in regards to their mail service. Considering that I get my mail at 6pm every day, I was not the best choice. Each day, I am to log in to an account that they have set up for me and let them know how many pieces of mail I get. Then I need to tell them how many pieces have "smart codes". Those are the uneven bar codes on the bottom of the envelope. The other type of bar codes are even on the bottom. I wonder...are those ones called dumb codes? I will be sent a scanner to log in these pieces. Then, if I do the job right, they will send me a gift card. I am not sure why IBM had to be called in for this. Maybe to waste millions of taxpayer dollars. We seem to be running out of ways to squander Americas' bank account. So now, I get to add the title of Mail Reporter to my resume. Too bad the title doesn't come along with a promotion and a raise.

I See The Light

I love the change of seasons. I hate the change of times. I have been spoiled. For the past few months, when I wake up, at about 6am, the sun is brightly shining through my window. I feel energized and jump out of bed, ready to start the new day. As summer comes to a close, I see a shift in the sun. It rises later and sets earlier. That is where the problem comes in. Now, when my alarm goes off, it is no longer sunny. I open my eyes to darkness. I feel as if I am a night worker. Even though the time I have spent sleeping is the same, I feel tired and have no energy to "get up and go". Of course, after a few minutes I perk up, but I still hate that feeling of having to get out of bed versus wanting to get out of bed. I do not know how people on the other side of the planet deal with living in darkness for 20 hours of the day. I guess your body has to adjust. I was once told that I have a sunny personality. I guess that is true, but not in the same sense that it was said.

Noise Pollution

I was driving home from work yesterday and stopped at a traffic light. I was second in line at the light. It didn't look like there was a person in the car ahead of me. I could not see their head, but I knew they had to be there. All I saw was a hat. It was a "turn on red" light and everything looked clear, but they did not move. The cross street was a large intersection that led from a curve in the road. I did not honk my horn, because I know that the first person at the light sees the roadway different from the one behind him. After about 15 seconds of waiting, a car that was at least four behind me started to honk his horn. Not just a tap, but a holding down, angry honk. He did not take his hand off his horn for the full two minutes that it took the light to turn green. I wondered how much anger this person had to have inside them to inflict such noise on everyone else. In all of the years I have been a driver, no one has ever acted like this. I was glad that I was not siting in the car with that nut. I could only imagine how loud he could yell.

Old Dog

They say that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I disagree. You are never too old to learn something new. If animals can do it, so can humans. I observe life. In all forms. I noticed something about my dog's intelligence, this week. My neighbor is "dog sitting" their daughters Labrador retriever. He is an unusually large dog and he is mean. For the last few days, every time I walk my dog, in my yard, the other dog comes racing towards us. So fast that he kicks up dust. My dog may be small, but he is no pushover. He defends his turf and barks back as if he is equal size. This morning as I took him out for his walk, he stopped just as we got out of the door. He looked left. He looked right. He even looked around the bend. Cautious. He was thinking ahead because he knew what to expect. This 16 pound puppy learned something new. He learned self preservation. Good for him!

Being Defensive

Every three years, for the past 18 years, I have taken a Defensive Driving course. I do this in order to get a reduction on my car insurance. When I first started going for the course, I took it in a driving school. The teacher focused on speeding and drunk driving. A few years later, I took it in a community college. The teacher focused on tailgating and sudden lane changes. This year I took the AARP course, for people over 50 years old. This time the teacher was barely focusing. When he recouped his train of thought, he went over how to drive with impaired vision, impaired hearing and stiff joints. We were taught stretching exercises and how to concentrate on being behind the wheel. I looked around and I think I was the youngest one there. It was a bit scary. Three years prior, when I took the AARP course, there was an accident, as two senior citizens pulled out of their parking spaces at the same time. This year we parked far, far away from any other car, just in case those people were taking the course with us again. Part two of the course is next week. I hope I can stay awake.

Language Barriers

I live in America. We are a multilingual society. Native born Americans are taught English as their first language.I do not understand how we can have such an appalling command of our own language.I am comfortable in my belief, that this does not happen in other countries. Is our educational system lacking the incentive to monitor how our youth speaks? Last night I was watching a mindless show named The Real Housewives of New Jersey. It was shameful that these women sound so uneducated. If this is how we see American housewives, I am embarrassed. One of them speaks so poorly, that I am not sure if she is joking. Unfortunately she is not. As an example, in this episode, she used the word "ingredientses". Yes, she pluralized an already plural word. She then proceeded to ask her husband if he wanted a "sangwich". Yes, a sanGwich. Is that something you eat as you sing? The last straw was when the "intelligent" housewife totally mispronounced a common word. It should have been pronounced as enVELoped. She said ENvelpoed, as in a piece of mail.  After that I shut my set. I just could not take anymore. My brain would have exploded.

Furry Little Friend

I was never a "dog person". I grew up in a home where the only pets we had were fish and birds. I never understood the love that people felt for their animals. How could you love something that was not human. One day I decided I needed a puppy. Not wanted ....needed. A cute little furry object. Maybe it was seeing all of those tiny dogs being toted around in designer pocketbooks. I went to the pet shop and ordered a puppy. It had to be a small breed and blond. Just like me. We waited 2 months for him to be weaned and shipped from Minnesota. The minute I laid eyes on him, I understood why people felt as they did. He has become a valued member of our family. I get up in the morning and can't wait to see his big brown eyes look up at me. I know when I come home from work he is patiently waiting to be played with. It has been three years since we adopted our "baby". He is one of the family and brings light, warmth and love to us. Getting him was one of the best decisions I ever made.

9/11

The title of this blog says it all. September 11. No matter what the years is, since 2001 and forever more, 9/11 will be ingrained in the memories of Americans. I am a New Yorker. I remember standing in front of my house looking west and seeing large puffs of smoke, for days. I remember where I was, when I heard the news. I had friends who lost family members that day. I had friends whose children survived. They only survived because they had the sense to disobey orders to stay calm and remain at their desks. They did not listen. They ran down 77 flights. They lived. I hate the saying "All's fair in love and war". All is not fair. Some suffer more than others. That isn't fair. I pray for the families who lost loved ones. I pray that the victims are in Heaven, resting in peace. Since 9/11 the world has been changed forever. We lost our innocence that day. We now look over our shoulders. I will spend today at the Christening of my daughter-in-laws' god son. I am glad I will be focusing on a happy event.

Switzerland

I have always been a neutral type of person. I blend in and fly just under the radar. Ever since I was young, I never needed to have many friends. Just a few was enough for me. I was never the first one picked for a team, but I was never the last one, either. I got along with everyone because I was non confrontational and easy going. As I grew older, I remained the same way. I never joined Facebook. I had no desire to find long, lost friends. If I didn't talk to you in high school, I don't need to be part of your life now.Through the years I have seen some of my friends become close and then drift apart. Sometimes even the most solid friendships faltered. I never get involved. If I have no vested interest in you, I do not need the aggravation. I am like Switzerland. I don't take sides, mainly because I don't really care. When all is said and done, it's your family that can be counted on when times are tough.

What's It Worth

I have a value system for every purchase in life. I weigh what I feel the price should be, by what I want to pay for it and what I think the other person should reasonably charge. I know that people need to make a living wage and retailers have an overhead, so I take this into accountability. Yesterday, I was interviewing cleaning services for my daughter-in-law, since she was at work and unable to be there. Since she has not moved in yet, the house is empty. A popular service, one with the name Maids attached to it, came to look at the house. We had done the primary cleaning but wanted it done once more. All she needed was a dusting of window sills in 3 bedrooms, wash the kitchen floor, counter tops and appliances and have 1 1/2 bathrooms cleaned. Remember.... this is an empty house. The woman walked around with her clipboard, like she was doing an estimate on building a sky scraper. After writing, and calculating and looking deep in thought, she gave me "the number". $353.08. You read it right. $353.08. I tried to keep a poker face and not laugh out loud. Was she nuts? Needless to say she was not hired. I would rather do it myself. The ER bill for pulling my back out would be less.

The Planets

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. That was a best seller book years ago. It summarized that although men and women were both from the human race, there were some innate differences between the sexes. I totally agree. One of the differences that stands out the most is about information. Specifically, directions and instructions. For some reason men are less likely to ask for help when they are having difficulty finding their way. Many of us women have been in the situation of driving around aimlessly, because their husband/boyfriend/any male person, will not pull over and just ask for directions. They feel that some divine intervention will come along and guide them on their way. It is just not going to happen. Pull over. Ask. It won't make you any less of a man. The next difference is reading instructions. Every product comes with instructions that someone was paid a lot of money to write. OK, sometimes they may be confusing or vague, but they still help. Why can't men just read them before they start to put together an item. The instructions are in the box, no more than 4 inches away from you. Maybe if you read them, before you started the project, it would have taken half the time and you would not have to wonder forever that there are 3 screws left over that should have been used. Men are from Mars......

The Situation

Someone once told me that if you can't change the situation, you need to change your reaction to it. I often think about that. Sometimes things are just not in our control, no matter how much we wish they would be. This morning it was raining out. This means that I will have a very slow ride to work. For some reason, as soon as there is one rain drop, the parkway I drive to work on, slows to a crawl. A fifteen minute ride can take as long as 45 minutes. As I was driving, the radio started playing an old Frank Sinatra song titled "That's Life". Wow, what an appropriate song for this mornings drive. I listened to every word and realized how much it related to the concept of just going with the flow.

Visitation

One of my son's lives out of state. I only see him about four times a year.Sometimes I feel as if I am a divorced parent that has visitation rights. The time we spend together is not natural. Not the kind of time that we would share if he lived here. People take for granted the feeling of just being in someones company without having the day planned. Whether he comes here or I go there, each moment of the visit is scheduled. When do we get up, where do you want to go, what time is dinner. A road map for our time together. If you see someone every day you can have a "comfortable silence". When you see someone once and a while, each second is precious and you try to fill in the time and not waste a moment. But it never feels quite right. I long for the days when he lived here and I could walk by his room and see him watching television. Or sit across from him at the kitchen table as we both ate. Sometimes we never said a word, but it didn't matter. He lived here and I would have the opportunity to speak to him anytime I wished. Our time with each other will never be the same and I just  have to accept that. Maybe one day I will drive to his house and just sit on his couch all day and not talk to him. Like old times.

Working Hard

Today is Labor Day. It originally was a holiday to thank workers for all of their hard labor. Unfortunately, the unemployment rate is higher than ever. My only hope is that sometime in the near future America will turn the corner and start an upward spiral. This day marks the end of summer. Not in a seasonal way but in a work way. Teachers are gearing up to go back to their classrooms. They will start the countdown until next June when summer begins again. I am a regular worker. I have no countdown. I just go on and on and on. I do not get 10 weeks off. I am by no means jealous, but I wish they could step into my shoes as I go to work every day while they bask in the sunshine from the end of June until the beginning of September. Maybe then they would not feel that their labor was harder than mine. We all have our chosen professions. Each of them is hard in their own way. Maybe all of the teachers need to be taught a new lesson. Be glad you have a job. Be glad you get off weekends, holiday weeks and summers. There are many educated people that wish they were in your shoes.

Apple Tree

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I have always told my children, in a joke, that when they grow up and sit on the psychiatrists' couch, they can thank me for putting them there. Most of my day is spent interviewing parents who want their children to come to my clinic. After five minutes, I can usually understand who was responsible for making their child need psychiatric help. Some parents repeat the same story over and over again, just before they mention that they think their child has OCD. Others yell at me when I cannot squeeze them in to see the doctor. Ironically, their child is the one with anger issues. Everyone's child is gifted. Everyone's child is well adjusted. After some conversations, I wish I could remove the child from his home. Instead of therapy, they need a change of atmosphere. You are what you are taught. You follow the patterns you grow up with. Maybe one day, the cycle can be broken.

Under Appreciated

Whether you are a billionaire or a pauper, when you are sick and visit an emergency room, the playing field is leveled. No one cares if you are the president of a Fortune 500 company or a worker at Walmart. This is one time that we truly live our Constitution. All men are created equal. I give thanks to all of the ER workers all over the world. Your job is so important but so under appreciated. You have to be a nurse, custodian, waitress and psychologist. You must have the skills to be calm and controlled at all times. People are demanding by nature. Sick people, more so. Sick people with 3 family members present.... the worst. Everyone thinks that they are more important than the next patient and do not consider that the man with the heart attack needs more urgent care than the woman who sprained her ankle. I spent the last 2 evenings in the ER with my daughter-in-law. She had a virus, but one so bad that it required hospitalization. We were met with a staff that was efficient, professional and caring. They calmed and nurtured us. They did not want our thanks. This was their job. A job they were proud to do.

Life Writes Itself

Many people ask me how I can write this blog every day. How do I have something to say. Where do I get my topics. I answer them this way. Life writes itself. If you live it, you can write it. Since I started writing, I have become more aware of my surroundings. I see a different perspective on things. If something bothers me, I vent through this blog. I carry a pad and paper with me and each time I see something that I could turn into a blog, I jot it down. I feel like I have become a story teller, sharing my views and insights with friends, family and strangers. Someone once told me that I need to punctuate more and asked me why most of my questions have no question marks.I told them that this is my writing style. My questions are rhetorical. Imagine that... I actually have a writing style. Writing has changed me. It has brought out my sense of humor and made me call upon a vocabulary that had been hibernating for years. I was becoming complacent and writing stirred things up a bit. Writing through Shelby is liberating.

Texting Etiquette

A funny thing just happened to me. As I was sitting here writing this blog. I received a text message. I never text anyone and my contact list can be counted on one hand. Minus 2 fingers. The text came through from a number that is not on my contact list. I thought I recognized it as being one of my receptionists, only because I had called her last week. But I was not 100% sure. The text asked if I was okay after the hurricane. I stared at the phone uncertain of what to do . Do I text an answer to someone I do not know, and might have texted me in error, or do I text back "who are you" and hurt her feelings. That would come across as if she bothered me by sending me a text. I took the kinder route and texted back that I was fine and asked" how R U". I love abbreviations, as I have the old type of phone where I have to hit the key 4 times to have the letter S appear. By the time I actually send a text, it is mostly misspelled and has taken 4 minutes just to say hello.  I never realized that now along with every other issue in life, I have added texting etiquette.